Super fun read! Both the humour and the vague hints of detail are spot-on! Unsurprisingly I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but it seems like it would be a fun and exercise in collaborative storytelling!
Also regarding the mention of safety tools, I don't really personally see that as a weakness. As you mentioned, it would be impractical to include an actual safety tool, and I don't think referencing them hurts the document in any way.