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(1 edit)

I was a little bit confused by the soundtrack; I guess I was expecting Dubstep for the second movement.

This is a captivating tale about an aging man who can't afford to go to Middle Earth but will settle for something like it. It's sad, but true. In the words of Hidalgo: "based on a true story."

We've all been there.

Okay, enough Lord of the Rings jokes.

In all seriousness: I was a bit confused by the writing, and the lore was Elvish to me. I had to revisit it in order to understand, but the music distracted me, since it did not adapt to the game events. I'm not sure whether I was supposed to root for the protagonist or not. There were numerous references to a World, but not much in the way of building one. I don't feel that I am sufficiently acquainted with the political machinations of this setting in order to become invested in its upheavals and the ruminations of its Brutus. The score serves to allude to drama and action or suspense, but since everything is told from the perspective of confinement it becomes inappropriate. This is the sort of score you want to run around to, or otherwise plot and scheme; it just does not feel right for an aftermath. Perhaps some flashbacks would serve to turn this twine into a thicker thread, and programming different tracks to play during different events would help to eliminate the disconnect.

That's as constructive as I can be. Sorry for trolling earlier; I was legitimately confused, and my mind was teeming with Tolkien references.[({R.G.||S.M.G.)}]

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Thank you for the feedback. I hear what you're saying, I think for me it was an attempt to try and build enough hints that a reader could build it up, but maybe that is too big a job for one short scene and there wasn't enough context to have a political intrigue. I agree with that actually. I am including Acheron in a world I am building and I think it will have to come later in the narrative. 

I guess for me the story isn't so much about the intrigue though and the reader being into that, but it was just about the man and that events have happened and this is where he is now. It is sad because if he has done wrong or not, his end is what it is. In a way I didn't actually want the reader to know if he was a goody of a baddy as I would like all of my goodies to be baddies in ways and vice versa I suppose. 

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Yes, Demos seldom capture everything we wish to communicate, so just remember to make them so that they work as self-contained stories. I'm glad you understood my feedback. Rinzai.