The writing and story is MUCH better! But there is new shortcoming of sudden bad ends without any real context or forewarning... no sense of danger then suddenly something random happens... no real explanation, it happens by being thrust upon you out of nowhere, no buildup. I feel like its dropped much too soon and too quickly, there wasn't any progression leading up to it, which makes there being a bad end feel really screwed up. It is always better to break into Major plot events slowly, especially if the character(s) is/are not aware of them at the time. Doesn't feel right to get railroaded out of the blue with no warnings/signs.
I guess elaborate more with the first dream, and either remove the bad end or heavily imply to take the item.
You even have an image of the MC, that makes me very happy and very... woof! XD
New characters since last time too! Really liking all of it! WOOF!
What you had made the VN seem much more cutesy and fooling around. Now it really feels much more adult and serious.