Pretty good way to introduce yourself to twine! Couple of spelling/grammar errors here and there (maybe most notably "estradiol", which I gather is spelled with an "a" as the second vowel; also I had no idea what estradiol was, and when I Googled it the first hits suggested that it's "used to treat menopause symptoms", which gave me what I think must be very much the wrong impression about my girlfriend's body).
Have you read any China Miéville? The tone (world full of casual horror that people just try to get around to get on with their lives) reminded me of his work, especially the short fiction. In a good way, not as if you were trying to copy it! If you don't know it already, you might enjoy it.