I want to like this...I really do.
I generally like where the story is going (or at least where it appears to be going), but reading the dialogue/monologue is like attempting to decipher a foreign language. So damned difficult, and sometimes it makes no sense at all. I keep thinking to myself, "damn, how I could help this developer with the language." This does need someone to completely edit the sentences so that the great scenes and renders come together more cohesively. As it stands, I am giving this a 6 out of 10, and can only hope the developer opts to have proficient native English speakers edit the written portion of this VN.