I'm not really one for visual novels but this was somewhat surprisingly engaging for the short time I was with it.
The good:
The other comments have hinted to this. There is a very distinct and great usage of music and visuals to your advantage here.
While I know this is clearly inspired by the other very popular VN that was released, there is respect to be earned in clearly understanding the things that make an art work and adapting it to your own style.
The dialogue itself was nothing special, but the visual and sound design really brings out the terror in simple conversations with the inner monologue almost blending in directly with the outer ego.
To improve:
This doesn't need to be said. But some grammar needs to be fixed. It sounds really dumb, but it does detract from the overall experience.
if the text was properly capitalised etc. etc., I think I would find the experience much more enjoyable.