Thanks! Excellent points, I took note of them. And I do plan on playing Burrows soon, I've been meaning to for a while.
Not wanting to intrude or anything, but I felt the length of the scene was warranted. Put it in the context of Khenbish thinking back on a moment in time, a "missed opportunity", fantasizing about how his first sexual experience could have been, all the different things he wished he could try and all that. I specially like how the scene builds up, starting shy and exploratory slowly gaining confidence and gathering momentum for a satisfying climax.