itch.io

I played through Zave's route(v0.3) and I will say that the writing is a little amateurish. The writing flow was was sorta like a game of tug-a-war. I felt I was pulled in one direction then another in quick succession at times. Like bringing one idea up, then just as quickly throw the next one up without the ability to digest the first piece of info. Some of the sentences were redundant and oddly structured.

With that out of the way, what I read was enjoyable. And shows that you have much to improve, which will come naturally from continuing this or any other project within this universe of yours. Also I'm also an amateur writer so take what I say with some grain of salt. I might be using my own writing bias when playing so disregard what I tried to say if it isn't helpful to you at all. So, yeah.

So far your writing isn't childish, just not fully developed yet. (Maybe the only useful advice i can give: read out loud what you've written, if it sounds right to you or another person then it should be good.) Can't wait for the next update~!