Unlike DS, I really found the walking speed to be just right for a "cozy autumn" game. The problem was that for the fact that you'd have to start from the very beginning each time you finished a section with a cloud you'd have restart from the very beginning. And then the game isn't even laid out in a way that you can speed-run it when you know the way, because when you start you always have to wait for the cloud to go to the end and then back, no matter what. So, if you want to keep the slow speed (which I think you should), then at least put in some checkpoints or something to not make it as frustrating that you have to restart again.
Besides that, I liked the idea of having a small comic in the beginning. Maybe it had a bit too little going on in terms of storyboarding, making it a bit bland. Instead of just showing that she want's to go home, maybe emphasize a little more on the "danger" that lies ahead, the bad weather, and the frustration in her that comes with it, just so that we can empathize a bit more with the character.
I know it seems like I critizise a lot but that's the best way to learn! :D I think it's really nice work overall with some good ideas!