ok, I've been trying to write this in a way that doesn't sound like I'm trying to take over your story. In saying that I have had no real success, so I will just write and you can take inspiration from where and what you want if you chose to.
I love the lighthearted nature the game has. At the same time I think you could use that to your advantage, for example the scene with the gang boss really caught me off guard. The threat he implied about the sister really shocked me, the game before was girl troubles then the threat and back. What I mean to suggest is mix a pinch of salt in the batter, in other words don't be afraid to try darker subject matter.
for example one potential story line I had running through my head was this. The sister told her brother that he couldn't date her and when he pressures her for why she could either have been honest or said because she wanted this mark to herself. If the second option was picked she would say something like " this way we can get double the money and you can hit another mark" or if the first one is picked she tells him that she has a huge crush on her, no further elaboration. Either option leads to the brother telling her to focus on family and ends with him saying something like " just stay out of my way on this one" to which of course she doesn't and the lighthearted problems ensue. This causes the brother to fall behind on the bosses payments. Eventually during one of the brothers best and closest attempts to get with girl, he cant get the sad look of his sister out of his head begging him not to do anything and right before he can go any further which his plans. He tells her about his sister's crush and everything else. At the same time a sad and dejected sister is walking home, brokenhearted and jealous. Then she gets pulled into passing van. The next day the brother is freaking out and is looking for his sister, and he eventually goes to the girl and asks if she has seen her at school. she says she hasn't and fearing the worst he calls the boss, and is met with the muffled cries of his gaged sister. Skip forward and when she eventually gets free and after resting for a bit, at the girls place since the mob don't know of any ties between the girl or the brother or his sister. The girl comes to check on her, and finds her sitting on the bed with her knees tucked to her chest. When she sits down on the bed, and before she can get a word out, the sister kisses her. After the kiss breaks the sister apologizes and starts telling her how she feels and every dirty little detail about how she tried to stop her from getting hurt.
idk it was one of the ways I could have saw the story go and I think that it would totally hook anyone, just the sudden 180 from innocent girl drama to gang kidnaping and potential human trafficking. That if done right would demand interest and attention from the audience.
ok, that was it for my suggestions for now. Sorry about the length and as I said before this is your story. The same story that I will be waiting for regardless if you take my suggestions or not. Thank you for your time.
Hello!
Thanks for all your suggestions!
Yeah, since it's a hentai game, I was going to be +18 no matter what I did, so the story was planned from the beginning to be darker.
Like I said, the major plot points are pretty much thought of now, but your ideas are helping me think of one of the plot points where I think they'll fit in nicely, albeit changing a few things. I also don't want to do exactly what you say because the story would no longer be mine and because it would stop surprising you and whoever reads this when they played it because they would already know what would happen. Still, I'll see how best to use your ideas. Thank you very much!
