Chiel. Chiel, I'm so so sorry. I don't know what to say. I think you should rest right now, please rest, I insist. Do you have a friend who is a neutral party whom your husband trusts too (preferably married)? How about asking them to mediate? Or... couple's therapy? But... I get it... if he is the one who doesn't want to change, then whatever you do... If only one of you is the only one who actually makes effort... Why even here? But let's wait... Let's give him and yourself time...
It's valid to feel you disappointed people, but from what I have seen and from what other people have seen too, you didn't. You are fighting for what you believe and it's not wrong at all. Tbh, I want to curse at them but well... it doesn't feel right to curse at people I don't even know.
Please talk to people, to people you trust. Or if you need a stranger, you can talk to people below who have offered their ears. I don't feel qualified since this is not my expertise, but you can talk to me too. You know my Discord or if you want, I have Twitter: @kpchrs. I'm active there. I'm a master distractor, I can distract you at least for a while if need be.
If resting is hard, for whatever reason, doing a daily routine might help. To keep you busy. To keep you from falling into a spiral. Play games. Watch movies. Read books. Hug your dogs lots. Take care of yourself, Cici.