And I thought the original dialog was a nice blend of posturing, bantering and d*ckish behavior as the two got to know each other. It's one of the things that stood out to me because typically in these VNs, everyone is almost an insta-friend so we can get to the sex. (aside: I'm finding that it helps me in doing my writing to read the dialog out loud.)
To be more specific about the shower scene, Braden has just caught this stranger named Zack, who "told" him that he was bi, checking him out in the shower. I find the new version takes the fact that they're strangers still into account whereas the older version really didn't.
And the floor numbering thing wasn't really a complaint (none of this is really, just feedback) but a Slumdog Millionaire moment.
Anyway, keep up the great work.
Just out of curiosity, how far out is the poker game?