"What do you think?"
Love is formed in selfishness, and the act of loving is sacrifice. Each given sacrifice may be worth it, maybe not. But without taking a risk like that, we're left with little to gain. Love is, in this framework, a matter of if the sacrifices are worth it. I believe, yes, they are. A love without sacrifice is indulgence. Yet, "love is sacrifice" isn't quite complete in my eyes. Love with only sacrifice isn't a risk, but a burden. There must be a push and pull of indulgence and duty. Days when you can just lay in the sun, and days full of exhausting work. Lie down for you whole life, and those who love you will have far too large a weight to carry to keep that love. Do nothing but work your whole life, and sooner or later you will snap, unable to keep loving indefinitely. I find the former to be detestable, and the latter (virtuous as it is at face value) tragic when necessary and shortsighted when not. Love is living between a state of giving and receiving, and... my ideal kind of love is both at once. Where the feeling that comes from giving-- the feeling that your love is making a difference, enriching those you love-- is its own reward; and, of course, everyone involved has to be giving & nurturing. No love can be like that ideal all the time, for we all have selfishness and limits. But when it does happen, it's wonderful. And what little I've seen of that wonder leads me to believe that love is ultimately good, and worth the hardships that will always come with it.
"Are you still searching for something?"
Yeah. Real uh... real bad. I'm kinda lonely. Sorry. Aha, this ain't phrased so well anymore huh... I uh... don't have the time or energy to get into it right now. Ha ha, that's a facade ain't it? I'm just too uncomfortable with telling you this. And I also wanna be done with this game. Is that okay? I don't know if that's okay. I'm scared to love. Or maybe just prone to complacency with my current situation. Love is hard, and I'm pretty lazy. Dunno, maybe a day will come when I start loving full-time. Love hurts, but not loving hurts in a different way.
"Congratulations!"
no u