I'm glad you found my comments helpful. Re-reading my own post I think it comes across more critical than I intended it to. I did like the piece, and I can see you've put a lot of work into the cultural and historical background of your setting. 'Distilling' things to smaller elements that compound over time is probably the way to go; what I've found works for me in my own worldbuilding writing is to pick one or two core ideas that I want to introduce in that particular work, and minimize or hide everything else.