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I am also very glad you chose to send it out! More than anyone else, I should hope a group of fellow writers (or any creative types, really) would understand simply not having the time to give the finished product all the polishing it deserves. And I really do love to see especially the one-note Designated Evil factions get a different, more nuanced treatment, which you've done here in, again, a very intriguing and thoughtful way.

That means a lot - I'm really glad you found Midnight Rites inspiring in that way. Thank *you* for your patience - I am sorry that I forgot myself and didn't give your story a fair read the first time around.

Thank you - I'm glad the story entertained!

I do like to subvert expectations and play around with themes. It's the fun of trying to see something in a different way, for me. Or at least that's what I aim for.

(And steal away! It's not where you take things from, it's where you take them to!)

I mean, that's a fair assessment. :)

In all honesty, thank you - your reply drew me up short, and I had to reflect a little on why that was. I was letting my expectations get the better of me. I have a personal rule about approaching art for what it is (as opposed to what I think it should be). I didn't follow that rule here. I'm not sure what happened. I may have been having an off day?

So really I'm left with, the story was very well written, and Shinsplint is a charming character to engage with.

You're very welcome! :) The best advice for improving my writing I ever got was "sit down and write something", and that's harder some days than others. Like most things, showing up is 90% of the battle though, at least in my experience. Even if no-one else ever reads it - I wrote a thing!

I love the premise of this. The concept of a goblin striving earnestly to be a really good Knight is hilarious. If I am unflinchingly honest, though, I don't think this story lived up to the premise. I was expecting more of a farce, or at least some comedy arising from how a goblin, with a very different cultural perspective, understands the demands of knighthood and chivalry. (You had the beginnings of this, such as with Shinsplint emphasizing scent in how he perceives the world, but it didn't go anywhere.) There isn't even a great deal of slapstick going on (which, again, a nine-men-v-one-goblin fight seems to invite). Basically I was expecting to laugh, and I only kinda chuckled.

Again, it's a great premise, and the story is well-written from a technical standpoint. I'd suggest that you rework it to take better advantage of the unique and entertaining possibilities available with the idea of a goblin striving for knighthood.

This was a beautiful, dare I say haunting examination of the realities of war and command. You've created a very compelling character in Marshal Leonhardt and her Very Significant Name. 

However, as evocative as the story was, it didn't seem to do much with the actual theme of the jam. I appreciated playing with the double meaning of 'intelligence', but I wasn't seeing a clear contrast to 'strength' - stupidity, possibly, or ignorance, or even self-delusion, but not really strength per se. I would also have liked a little more meat on the Marshal's "dear friend" and what exactly she, and her friend, hope to accomplish with the letter that is the story's central framing device. Overall those details don't much detract from what is still an interesting and effective work of writing.

I loved this story - I loved the different, and for my money more interesting take on the Havoc gods and their followers. I loved the premise, and I enjoyed the sort of grim determination with which the story, like its protagonists, clung to hope.

The pacing was off - the climax especially felt rushed. You mention being under a time crunch to finish the work, and I'm guessing that's a large part of why. It is a shame you couldn't give the story another round of polishing - but c'est la vie, I guess. I'm very intrigued with Nyso, and I was left wanting to know more about them and their journey. Overall well done - thank you!

I appreciated the sardonic, more detached look at the Battle Brothers and your commentary on their true nature - especially the sort of thinking that being quite literally genetically engineered for war would induce in them. (Are they that different from orks, when you get right down to it?) The line about "aim for their leader; he's the one not wearing a helmet" brought a lil' grin to my face. The hints of a larger story were nice as well. I see you've written something for one other jam here - am I right in guessing you're a relatively new writer? I say that only to lead into, I can't offer any criticism more specific than "needs polishing" - and I mean that in the "keep working, there's a jewel under there" sense. Keep writing, hone your craft and develop your voice, and I hope to read more from you next time around!

This was a great exploration of the value of intelligence (artificial or otherwise!) applied, at least on two levels. I'm not sure where the strength came into it though.

As a story it was delightful, taking some traditional and stereotypical interaction and twisting them around just enough to keep things engaging. You establish the characters of LEGION and Barkish very deftly, and they're fun to watch bounce off each other. I thought the ending felt a little squashed. It definately needed more than a paragraph to stretch its legs (although I'm not sure what you cut to get there, because word count, amiright?) The other note I had was that the transitions between viewpoints were very sudden and jarring, coming as they did in the middle of paragraphs. Some formatting changes, or other visual cues that we're changing perspective, would have added clarity there.

I liked the story here - the desperation of struggling to escape pressures imposed by family and culture is a very relatable, universal subject and you addressed it unflinchingly. The story does use some modern language - e.g., Adelaide thinking that her relationship with Damon could easily become "abusive" or referring to another character's relationship as an "ex" - and you'd make your writing more immersive if your characters' thoughts and dialogue stayed rooted in their time and culture. (Of course, this is a fantasy story, but the Vinci culture is heavily based on historical Renaissance Italy.) 

The language and pacing was excellent overall - the dry summation of Damon's character as

"he thought of the town as “ quaint ” and “ simple ”, and not as a compliment" was beautiful and gave me a perfect mental image of him - and I can definitely see how you've been growing as a writer looking back on your work from previous jams.

This was a solid entry, and I enjoyed the story you were telling. You started off very strong but seemed a little rushed towards the end - judging by the submission time I'm guessing you had a crowded weekend? It happens.

It seemed at the beginning that the war had been going on for a while, and yet the climactic encounter between Laizen and his enemies seems like the first battle. Either would have worked with the story you wanted to convey. Some additional clarity there might help you focus on your themes and weave them in more completely.

Beyond that you had some very strong imagery - the opening description of Laizen's tasteless meal flavoured by filth shook free from the ceiling is very powerful and sets the tone perfectly.

This was a solid piece, very much in the spirit of the flavour fiction you'd find in a wargaming tome. Well done!

I especially appreciated the darkly humorous look into the grim determination of the goblin rebels, as each successive messenger comes slightly better-prepared and gets slightly closer to actually delivering their message.

I really liked the twist on the "default" honorable and noble depiction of the DAO military - Teshin is a slimy little weasel and it's delightfully fun to watch him fall apart. There was one comment that intrigued me, and I'd love to know why you tossed it in: at one point Teshin thinks that the orcs' aggression against his homeland is "justified", and I'm curious why he thinks that. Is he seeing the world through a very mercenary lens - 'I don't care who's right, just who's signing my paychecks' kind of thing?

Overall this was a solid take on the theme, well-written with good flow. Thank you for letting us read it!

Hehehe yep :)

Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm very glad you enjoyed the story!

A very well-written and engaging straightforward battle scene.

I enjoyed this playful and interesting take on the [spoiler redacted] and their unique way of seeing the galaxy around them. Thank you!

I think the introduction could have used some polish - at first I thought you'd changed Angertold's gender without realizing it, and only later did I clue in to the fact that "her ship" was not referring to Angertold, but the object of his search. That may be a me problem though :P. An interesting and really quite charming read nonetheless!

I like what you were going for here - the last thoughts of a doomed man, noble sacrifice and all that - but the way the story was structured made it read very disjointed. I was continually unclear whether I was reading "present" events, flashbacks, reminiscences, reminiscences of flashbacks, flashbacks within reminiscences, or some other configuration. Not helping this was the way you introduced the technical slang - e.g., the fact that navy crews would call their EV suited technicians 'tangerines' is a great bit of very true-to-life worldbuilding, but the way it was first used, with no context given until two scenes later, I found very confusing. Again, I like what you were trying to do, and there's definitely a lot of promise here - I appreciated the succinct and effective characterization of the background characters, for example - but this could have used a second set of eyes, and another draft or two, for clarity and readability.

Heehee, thank you :)

I read the Dark Elf/ High Elf lore on the wiki and I *had* to do something with it; the colonization of the Dark Isles and the Dark Elves as rebels/ freedom fighters is a neat twist on the legacy concepts. All I did was flesh it out a bit. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Is this the introduction to a longer story? I'm not sure why the story ended where it did. It felt half-finished. Was it a time crunch thing?

As far as the actual work goes I enjoyed it overall. It was a nice slow burn with some good, subtle characterization throughout. You've got a good voice, and I'd encourage you to trust your prose and let your characters speak for themselves. You don't need, for example, to tell me Roark is doing something "calmly" because you've already got me picturing that with the businesslike way he's described as acting to that point.

While I did like the piece, and I wouldn't mind knowing where you were going with it, I'm not sure how it fits into the whole "strength versus intelligence" idea. I suppose the investigation and tracking could be construed as intelligence, but I'm not sure what the "strength" would be that runs up against that, or contrasts it in any way, and I'd love to know what you were going for there.

I love what you've done with the theme. Taking the two concepts of strength and intelligence and making them different aspects of the same character is a great way to play the two ideas off against each other. I love too how you've made Lyra's downfall the toxic machismo that's often mistaken for or thought necessary to real strength, that's also a great angle to take - overall it's a good twist on the theme and a thoughtful exploration of some important ideas.

I think in future you might be well-advised to take into consideration the limitations of the format you're using. 1000 words isn't a lot when you get down to it, and you went with a very broad-strokes overview of Lyra's career. The story might have been more engaging and captivating if you chose instead to really get into Lyra's head during a single pivotal event - such as the final battle where she realizes the extent of her own weaknesses. That could make a really powerful character piece that still addresses the themes and ideas you're exploring.

I did enjoy the piece, and I really did like the angle you took on the theme. Thank you!

You have put together some great themes and really pulled together a strong character-driven piece. And maybe I'm being too narrow in my own understanding of the theme - I like to play with ideas too. I can definitely see where you've got a more thoughtful, introspective character running into the "strength" of thoughtless adherence to tradition / myopic self-centeredness of an entrenched elite class.

That was a beautiful read - very engaging. I loved your descriptions, especially 'moustaches flaring like an enraged stag' which is a great image and one that instantly gave me a feel for the character. Very well done! You also deftly put just enough detail into the battle to be evocative without being overwhelming. The transition from Vladeska's reminiscences of the noble party to his reminiscence of the underground gathering was a little jarring - one more use of the * section break might have been justified there.

Let me continue by saying that I loved the themes you were working with, how you wove together elements of different ideas that worked very well as an expression of Vladeska's character and the strong theme of old vs. new ways, and the twist was beautiful. The story would have worked perfectly with the theme of the previous jam ('Are We the Bad Guys?'). Unfortunately as an exploration of strength vs. intelligence it falls short. Again, I love how you address the ideas you're working with... but I can't honestly say the piece fits the theme.

I enjoy a good noble sacrifice tale, so I appreciated your work here on that level. I found the action hard to follow in parts - the descriptions are very dry and generic ('the squad' 'the elites'). More evocative language would better draw in your readers. You might also have engaged better with the theme - the story addresses more "strength vs. honor," or "strength vs. courage" rather than "strength vs. intelligence". I look forward to seeing more from you!

I liked the way you used your framing device. Having only one voice on the transcript seemed odd at first, but it really let the character's personality come through well. You struck a beautiful balance between telling the story clearly and keeping strictly to the speaker's voice - well done there. I think you might have done a better job of addressing the theme, though: the contrast here is between strength and cleverness, or cunning, or perhaps naive hubris, but not *intelligence*. In any case, this was an enjoyable read.

A good piece overall, with a well-realized viewpoint character. I think you might have addressed the theme a little better by presenting a character with actual intelligence, rather than one who only believes himself to be the smartest person in any room he's in. :) I enjoyed the interplay between the three factions and their different interests (or total lack of interest!) in the macguffin. I felt this placed the story nicely in the world, which I appreciated.

I really enjoyed the twist you put on the theme. I will avoid spoilers though, and simply say: well done!

Thanks; ~300 words isn't all that much for a raging sea battle so I had to place sentences with precision. I'm glad you liked it.

Yeah, same same on the word count. Restrictions breed creativity, it's said, but they're also restrictive. :) I was aiming for 'slice of a larger story' - and it sounds like it landed for you, so thank you for the kind words.

Thank you very much for the kind words!

Thank you - I like to play with the theme of each jam if I can, and the double meaning of 'intelligence' in a military context was fun to work with.

Quite frankly I find your take on the Brothers more interesting than any 40K material I've ever read.

Ah. Aha. Well that makes sense. Maybe having his speech be slower and more broken might have helped convey that feeling. Perhaps a line about how the Inquisitor is being patient with the sergeant's slurred words? That would lean into the "gentle facade over a monstrous core" thing you have going with her.

Your prose struck this perfect tone of heavy-hearted weariness throughout. I found the details of plot and action somewhat hard to follow at times, and I think you could do better descriptively than relying on, e.g., "this creature looked like an old-earth alligator". I found it sort of discordant that the narrator is supposed to be a decorated war veteran who has participated in other colonial invasions (or at least, that's the direction the story took me with regards to his background) and yet he seems to have never before even considered the idea that they're wiping out civilizations. Still, that doesn't detract from what is overall a good exploration of the theme and a powerful and evocative story.

I really liked your much more down-to-earth take on the Battle Brothers here - and 'Averses the Younger' made me laugh out loud! Vyka especially had the potential to veer into being a caricature, but you kept him a good, believable character. ("Good" in the writing sense, let's be clear. I don't *like* him. He's a monster. But a well-written monster.)

The way the Brothers operate within the God-king's empire was textbook "legacy" but the very human way you depicted them kept it feeling original - well done there. The tone stayed nicely "grimly lighthearted" throughout, and the prose was snappy and engaging. Overall a very enjoyable piece.

I liked the vivid descriptive details, although at times the prose edged a bit into overly florid for my taste. Almost everything contributed to the story except I think you don't need quite as much focus on the name and nature of the insectoid predators serving as the Sisters' garbage disposal. I found myself distracted wondering what the Revnecc had to do with the story, and it turned out they really didn't matter.

That out of the way, though, this was a good, if *intensely* grimdark piece. When I read a story like this, especially when religious indoctrination is involved, I'm always curious as to exactly what twist of personality or experience has lead the protagonist to rebel against her cultural and religious conditioning - now, don't mistake me. I'm not saying people can't *ever* go against their culture's values, because obviously that's not true. I'd simply be interested in learning more about who Shay is and how she's come to this point.

I loved this look into how one might write a really grimdark halfling culture! The idea of the stout six-meals-a-day halflings as a kind of sentient locust swarm is genuinely horrifying, although you handled it here with a wry, deft humour that was awfully delightful to read.

I quite enjoyed the concept of the dark inversion of the King Arthur myth. It was a good choice to have the viewpoint character be a sort of 'herald' figure as opposed to one of the Voices or the king himself, as it let the reader follow the revelations organically. The prose got a little snarled at times but the story kept moving at a good pace and (at least I found it to be) easy to track with. You've got a good twist on the traditional understanding of the knightly kingdom and the forces of Havoc here too, and I'd love to dig further into this conception of the setting.

Yeah, they want to be fearful and terrifying figures but they just... can't... quite... get there! I'm glad you liked it and I'm very pleased that the direction I went with the prompt has landed so well!