Post by Melancholy Marionette in Postmortem Ramble & Random Jam Stats :3 comments

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Cheers ^-^ My dad commented on how it was a shame that it fell on a weekday rather than a weekend so that we wouldn't be able to go out anywhere, but I just said, it's fine cos I would only wanna be working on the jam anyways xD

Not gonna lie, I'd really love to be able to do more jams, haha, but it's just not practical or healthy for me >.< Like I've wanted to participate in Nanoreno for a while now, but with it starting right after Yandere Jam finishes, I just can't cos I need a break from jam work pace. I think this year I'll stick to just Yandere Jam and Spooktober VN Jam again... maybe O2A2 as well if I get the chance cos I've wanted to do that one for a while too!

Well, I don't know about going strong, I was a total mess x3 It's LPB that held me together, haha. If it weren't for her, I may well have given up cos I was really on the edge of wanting to push through until I got somewhere or just throw it all away in defeat. I guess it wasn't entirely scrapped, but more like butchered so badly that it barely resembled the original idea, haha. There are little parts of it that still made it through, and one or two nods here and there towards it in some of the scenes when Blythe is introducing themselves, haha.

I don't feel like I have the right to be anyone's idol with how messed up I am T_T but that means a lot <3

Yessssss, Starset <3 *High five Frustratingly, I think they're actually playing in London tonight! I haven't managed to see them live yet, but I'd really like to. London just isn't a place I can get to on a weekday what with the cost of public transport, the fact that our trains are extremely unreliable, and that I generally avoid travelling alone where possible >.< And then they're in Nottingham tomorrow, but that's not doable either cos of the distance + we also have stand-up comedy to go see in the evening! I think the first song of theirs that I heard was Unbecoming, and I almost cried and just sat there thinking... well, that was beautiful x3 then proceeded to immediately look up their other stuff, haha.

I'm certainly trying to take care of myself, haha. It doesn't always go to plan, but it's something I'm at least attempting to be much more mindful of x3 I hope you're able to do the same :3 You're always so sweet and supportive. It's as though you appear from the aether like a guardian angel ^-^

As for your ps, yeah, I struggle to the point that I doubt I could ever be a professional writer for someone else, haha. I find it hard enough sometimes to get my own ideas out of my head, let alone anyone else's. How people manage to pump out the work required of them by deadlines is a mystery to me! I did get a job offer of writing for an app company once who deal in lots of different interactive stories, but it didn't work out. The trial piece I wrote them based on their brief was something I really wasn't happy with when I submitted it, and they said that while they loved the idea, it would need more editing to fit their model and that I'd have to trim out a lot of the dialogue + make sure to add more in the way of action and sexy choices x3 Cos they said that the whole point is to make players want to purchase tickets to unlock the sexy, more exciting options. I just couldn't be dealing with that because I'd already compromised on a lot to try and fit their brief in the first place to the point that I despised what I sent them, there was no way I could hack away at it even further because there barely would've been a story left by the time it fit what they wanted. Shoving a bunch of enticing choices that have no real meaning to them locked behind a paywall is not my cup of tea at all, not when it destroys any sort of substance a story might have >.< Not to mention the word count they expected to be turned in each month. So we went our separate ways and that was that, haha.

Being anyone's favourite my brain fails to comprehend how it can be possible x3 but it means the world to me <3 My self-esteem is so sucky still that sometimes I feel completely devoid of any at all, and it's like the only way I can even keep going is when someone else sends me a kind word. Like that's somehow just enough to lift me up and keep my head above water. I really hate being that insecure because it makes me feel quite pathetic and I don't really know how to change, haha. I appreciate your support (and everyone else's) more than I can even put into words because you guys really do help me to keep going. *Much love and hugs*

Sunny1 year ago(+1)

as much as i adore your games, i'd say it's good you're cutting down on the jams this year. above all, your health is important, and you wouldn't be letting anyone down by skipping a couple jams! (even if you skipped all of them, like i said, your health is more important)

as for the going strong bit, maybe you struggled a lot and needed outside help but remember, in the end you still got through it. you can't give someone else full credit for helping you, because part of that credit is yours, and i think being able to get through messy times even while needing outside help still shows you're very strong. friends can definitely help a lot, but whether or not you made it through the whole project was always your choice and yours alone, even if you needed help to see that.

honestly, my first Starset song was My Demons- i was a fairly edgy teen,,, but now i can enjoy their music and ignore what introduced me to them lol. also, Unbecoming is such a good song, and definitely the kind that could make someone emotional- you have good taste. and omg it must be awful knowing they're so close and not being able to see them, i always get so sad when singers/bands i like are nearby and i can't go :(

i will gladly accept the title of your guardian angel lol, and i'm sure i'm not alone in that. not only are you the creator of so many incredible games, but you also are such a kind person that deserves only the best. the fact that you take time to reply so thoughtfully to me and everyone else that leaves a comment shows that. i can't help but want to support you in any way i can :)

bleh, i can see why you'd end up turning down the job offer. so many companies just don't care for substance anymore and just want mindless entertainment for people with money. probably the best thing about indie developers is that there's an actual story instead of half a million paywalls that just give you a couple steamy kiss scenes, plus the bad endings are so boringgg in games like that. good on you for knowing what you could and couldn't handle, and for being able to walk away!

i will send you all the kind words i can if it can help you, but i sincerely hope that one day you won't need that. i love your work, i love bringing you a little joy with my thoughts, and i think you're one of the kindest people on the internet, but in the end i'm just a random girl that likes your games, so i hope you'll be able to give yourself the same compliments us fans give you and know you sincerely mean them.

Melancholy Marionette1 year ago(+1)

Yeah, it's hard to tear myself away from them, especially if I happen to see all the cool stuff other devs are making for them, haha. But you're right, it's a matter of trying to put health first, and I should attempt to always be keeping that in mind more than I have done in previous years x3

I suppose you're right! I never really thought of it like that before, haha. See, this is another reason why I referred to you as a guardian angel, cos you're always full of such wise words and getting me to see things from a different perspective! :3

Hehe, well, to be fair, My Demons is still a great song, and even if that had been my first and I wasn't a teen, I'd probably still have fallen in love with Starset after hearing it :P In fact, I kinda wish I had discovered them much sooner in my life because all I really had to keep me going in my teens was Linkin Park. And while they helped me through some really tough times with their music, it would have been nice to have known other bands too. It is rather annoying to be in a so close yet so far sort of situation with bands coming here to play T_T It happens more often than I'd like, haha. That's the problem living in a country where the public transport totally sucks I suppose! I mean, I can drive, but I can't afford to actually own a car still >.< It's pretty rare for me to actually be able to get to wherever they're playing. I've missed Set it Off and other bands multiple times for the same reason. The only one I seem to have some luck seeing is Poets of the Fall cos their dates usually fall quite conveniently when they're over here.

I wish I could support everyone else as much as you guys all support me x3 Or at least gain the ability to teleport to everyone and give big squeezy hugs on demand!

Well, all your kindness is much appreciated :3 I hope one day I can hold my head high too instead of always staring at the ground x3 And the same goes for a whole bunch of people I know, both fellow indie-devs and not who are in a similar position. Heck knows how we all wound up with such low self-esteem, but with any luck, we can all improve on that over time!

Nah, you're more than just a random girl that likes my games, you're guardian angel Sunny Supreme :P

That makes me wonder though, how a person can manage to attain a state of being where you can give yourself sincere compliments and congratulations on stuff without tipping into over-confidence or narcissism. I imagine it must be a fine balancing act to get it just right in the end x3 cos each extreme end of the scale is pretty unhealthy. It would be nice to be able to shuffle from the zero-confidence end into the middle without tipping over towards the other unhealthy side of things, haha.

I hope you're managing to strike the right sort of balance yourself and that you get to have a happy rest of the month :3

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