Skip to main content

Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs
TagsGame Engines

I think you've got something here, nice ambience, when you write Jojo and Sven well you write them well.

But I think you just need to edit more. The poop/piss train conversation, it just wears out it's welcome and keeps going. I'd recommend approaching it like writing a novel, write a whole lot and then throw out a whole lot to only keep the cream of the crop.

A lot of the conversations feel just random like I'm peeking in on someone else's IM conversation. I think if it all felt like it was building to something I could stay more engaged.

Thanks for the advice brother. Always knew something wasn't quite right with the poop section so I'm glad you're pointing this out. I've updated the game to cut out some of that dialogue so hopefully it doesn't overstay its welcome (it's still there just a few lines shorter). Thanks again my man