It's an interesting concept, but I can't really seem to grasp what's going on exactly. Like others have pointed out, it was written more like a novel than a visual novel: no change in characters emotions, character text written in one chunks as opposed to split up over multiple textboxes, no character names shown...
It's a bit too difficult to follow @_@ but it has a very interesting concept going for it and I think the art and music direction are on point for what this story was meant to achieve!
Good job!