Skip to main content

Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs
TagsGame Engines
(+4)(-2)

Overall a good start. The writing needs a little polish in some places, mostly an editing thing. No offense meant on that: you can't polish a turd, but you can definitely shine up a diamond in the rough. I hope you work in a bit more personality in the coming chapters, though, because it's pretty standard fantasy right now. Like, the concept of playing an illiterate character in a text-based game is an interesting take (also I personally just find it really funny).

The art is quite good too - AI-generated? Either way, it's well done (and seriously consistent if it's AI, so major props on that). Some go overboard with the art but all you really need is a couple here or there, and I think you've got a pretty good balance going.

Minor pet peeve, though: dialogue punctuation. That's most of what I meant by polish. Check out  https://www.authorlearningcenter.com/writing/fiction/w/character-development/649...

Possibly you are set on using some non-standard conventions, but... please don't. A little bit of #2, but mostly #4 on that list, though there are some odds and ends that could be fixed with other things (e.g. missing line-breaks). On that subject, in some places you have two line-breaks while in others you have one. As far as I can tell you've got a style going there for dialogue vs description, but in my opinion it's better to simply standardize across the board.

I bring up editing but in all honesty I am a grammar freak, so don't let it discourage you that you happened to be chanced upon by someone who obsesses over whether or not you've correctly used whom and that kind of shit. Honestly, I've seen way worse first (or hell, tenth) releases.

But I'm liking it so far, and I'm curious to see where you go with it.

(+5)(-2)

Thanks for the advice, much appreciated! I suspect I have picked up a weird mish-mash of different grammar styles thanks to going to both British and American schools growing up! I'll pick a style and make sure it's consistent :)