itch.io

I did see that the intro was much better, actually! But I didn't recognize it as a new addition; I just assumed that I hadn't noticed the difference the first time. I'm not any kind of expert, so all I can give is my subjective opinion, but I think it's a big improvement - enough for me to notice without being told, anyway.

Neither did I recognize you as a non-native speaker at all. Usually I am quite good at that sort of thing, so I find it even more impressive that you've managed to not only write in another language, but in a period piece of all things.

There is another typo I will mention - I had assumed before that you were a native speaker and would recognize it yourself eventually, given your grasp of the language, but this might be one of those subtleties. The typo (unless it's some kind of ceremonial pipe of office) is "Marquess pipe", which should be either "Marquess's pipe" or "Marquess' pipe" for the possessive. I'm more of a "Marquess' pipe" fan myself.

There is also a typo in the new introduction that I noticed: "one of the most eligible bachelors in the country". You can probably see what I mean about being extremely picky on this issue.

"In your face" is a good way of putting the dialogue about the lines of succession. I did consider both of those points, but I also figured that, the MC being in contact with at least his parents via letter, he would be made aware of any important events. But I can definitely see how it might not be something he was aware of if he was deliberately trying to avoid that information.

Gave this one a shot and I wanted to offer some notes from someone who puts way too much thought into this kind of thing:

First, the positives:

• I can tell you've put a significant amount of effort into portraying a more difficult time period. It's the hard path, given that most resources are designed for modern stories, and that it requires you to put in so much more research on historical details/specifics (though I assume that, like me, you find that half the fun), but I really appreciate that you've chosen a less common road. I'd much rather read or play something creative or new, even if it's flawed, then see the millionth version of the same *cough* college *cough* story, no matter how good it might be (and it usually isn't).
• There is a balance that I've noticed is difficult for many writers to properly keep in historical works: either they try to imitate the speech too much, and end up producing unintelligible nonsense, or they abandon it entirely with speech so casual I wouldn't even like it in a modern game. But in your writing you've done fairly well at embodying the spirit of the age without being constrained by it. I do think it could use a little work in some parts here or there, but the dialogue is quite decent - for example, I would single out the mother's dialogue and renders for packing quite of bit of character into a what is a very short interaction.

On the more constructive side:

• You've done as well as I realistically think you could have in portraying the time period regarding the environments and characters  (and good work on that!) but I think your renders, particularly lighting, could be improved. I do not find it to be annoying, nor is it a huge issue for me (substance over visuals, in my opinion) but I believe others may differ on this.
• There are still a few typos and grammar issues. They're not common, but they're there, e.g. "I can of" should be "I kind of", presumably. But I am extremely picky on this issue in particular, and even I found few of them - you might even want to take this one as a compliment.
• The MC is a dingus. There are a couple moments of dingus-ery, but I'm mostly talking about this: did he really not know his position in the line of succession? Did he somehow forget what would most likely be the defining fact of his existence? If the reason you wrote that was give exposition to the player, please rethink that choice. I imagine you don't want to bombard the player with historical details in ways that might confuse them, but on the whole I suggest erring on the side of authenticity over simplicity. That's my preference, at least.

And, sadly, the negative:

• It's only chapter 1! It sounds facetious, but I actually kind of mean that in a serious sense; there's not much content yet, and I don't feel very attached to the characters so far. Given the importance of that in this medium I thought I would mention it, but I also think it's fair to assume that time (and further chapters) will give more depth and possibly solve this 'issue'.

On a special note, I very much like the plot idea that you've teased of having an unrequited love between Sally and the MC to complicate the other paths. It's interesting by the very virtue of how rare it - for obvious reasons - is in the genre. I'm kind of hoping you develop it in that direction, but I doubt that's what you're actually planning, going forward - again, for obvious reasons. I wouldn't blame you for moving away from that direction, anyway.

I played both the original and the updated release, and I have two questions on that just for my own peace of mind: first, did you change the Jane/Rebecca scene? I seem to remember it triggered regardless of whether you kiss her or not; and second, did you change the name of the killer? I seem to recall it just being 'noble killer'.

Overall a good start. The writing needs a little polish in some places, mostly an editing thing. No offense meant on that: you can't polish a turd, but you can definitely shine up a diamond in the rough. I hope you work in a bit more personality in the coming chapters, though, because it's pretty standard fantasy right now. Like, the concept of playing an illiterate character in a text-based game is an interesting take (also I personally just find it really funny).

The art is quite good too - AI-generated? Either way, it's well done (and seriously consistent if it's AI, so major props on that). Some go overboard with the art but all you really need is a couple here or there, and I think you've got a pretty good balance going.

Minor pet peeve, though: dialogue punctuation. That's most of what I meant by polish. Check out  https://www.authorlearningcenter.com/writing/fiction/w/character-development/649...

Possibly you are set on using some non-standard conventions, but... please don't. A little bit of #2, but mostly #4 on that list, though there are some odds and ends that could be fixed with other things (e.g. missing line-breaks). On that subject, in some places you have two line-breaks while in others you have one. As far as I can tell you've got a style going there for dialogue vs description, but in my opinion it's better to simply standardize across the board.

I bring up editing but in all honesty I am a grammar freak, so don't let it discourage you that you happened to be chanced upon by someone who obsesses over whether or not you've correctly used whom and that kind of shit. Honestly, I've seen way worse first (or hell, tenth) releases.

But I'm liking it so far, and I'm curious to see where you go with it.

Utterly foolish, foolishly stupid, and stupidly funny. I don't normally like this genre, but the fact that the game does not even remotely try to be serious saves it for me. The main character is so over the top lecherous and degenerate that it circles around to endearing in a weird way. I've seen so many of these kind of games fail horribly at humor (especially flirtatious humor), and it turns out all they needed to do was have this walking restraining order of a character, with the charisma of a used condom that just won't flush, to go running after clowns so we can laugh at him.

But it's like that squiggly red line is invisible for everyone else or something. There are so many typos, or mistakes with capitalization or punctuation (mostly missing). In its defense, it does seem obvious to me that the errors come from a lack of editing (or maybe an issue with it) from someone who is fundamentally decent with the language and who has a creative and funny mind, rather than someone who cannot write in it at all or lacks imagination. To my surprise it seems that I can deal with that in this case.

Given that this is 0.35 and there are still errors right at the beginning, I was not very impressed when I started. But I am glad I stuck with it because I have enjoyed the journey for what it is. That said, it should really be fixed. Even a single pass would probably find a lot of them.

Also: the money grinding can be atrocious. And if you're going to have this style of combat you should probably give more opportunities to upgrade equipment. Or maybe just skip to a difficulty setting so people don't lose interest because of combat frustration.

I am so glad you have it publicly available here now. I've just updated to 0.13 from - 0.09, I think? - and I'm even more impressed than I was when I first found it, especially with how much development you've packed into the number of renders. A bonus for this format is that you can reuse old images from previous loops, maybe?

First of all: I know some people love to hate on it, but I just fucking love time loop stuff. I know there are other games that play along the same lines, but none of them appeal to me in their other qualities. So thank you for indulging this very specific and strange need of mine.

The characters are all quite compelling, but the overall plot is definitely strong too. It's a rare combo, whereas you more often see someone succeed on one end or the other. I think the only complaint I might possibly have is that I felt that you might be leaning a little hard on trying to explain your fantasy elements. I personally prefer a bit more mystery to things like magic. I am not sure if I would qualify this as objective criticism or my preference, though.

I was wondering how you would handle the increase in complexity as the loops increased, given that you'd have to keep track of so many combinations of choices instead of a simple linear chronological path. Using chapters is most definitely a necessary solution - I'm also very glad to see that you've so far handled restricting the scope of your project so well, given how many would-be developers end up have issues there. One suggestion, though: perhaps include some kind of path tracker or check-list? A gallery showing any missing scenes helps, but I wouldn't want to miss any plot details either.

I want to say though (and I will trust that you know what I mean) that I hope you know what you're doing with your monetary support platform. Popularity and attention are double edged swords.

I think I'll just say this: brother, I write long winded and rambling reviews of "adult" games under the name joe ligma. There's a pretty strong chance I actually am some sort of cartoon or parody character myself.

I did actually play through to the end of it, though admittedly I did skip through some parts (precisely because I wanted to see how it developed later on). I did not notice a substantial change in style. The reason I chose to use that specific section as an example was actually because it was right at the beginning: they're usually the most important lines to set tone and hook in the player, but also anyone who read my comment would be able to see that section immediately and understand its context without accidentally spoiling anything later.

I will admit I am one of those "grammar freaks", so it bothers me more than some other people. But to me, with the way it's written, these "on purpose mistakes" look more like - well, mistakes. Make those choices if you want to, certainly, and more power to you if that's your vision. But you could try checking out a style guide specifically for fiction or something like that? Maybe it won't help, but I don't see how it could hurt.

But you take feedback well, even if it's not super positive, and that's promising, so I wish you all the best for your project either way.

Already wish-listed it! I know that helps in the metrics and you deserve a successful launch.

I'm disappointed in this one, not because it's bad per se, but because I really think it could have been so much better.

Plot-wise it's fairly boiler-plate fantasy, but there's nothing wrong with that. The visuals are where it shines: there has clearly been a lot of effort and love put into it. Seriously, even the UI looks clean and polished, and that is something I really appreciate as a marker of quality. The music and the sound add to the atmosphere well too.

But the writing is weak. None of the characters or their voices are distinct, and for me the dialogue comes across cringy and forced. I find the inner thoughts of the character to be even worse and very juvenile. It's all modern in a way that doesn't fit the setting or characters, but more than that it's awkward.

As an example, here some of the first few lines of the game:

(Oh pew... T'was only a nightmare... Every night the same dream...)

Good morning sunshine, what is all the ruckus about?

Whhaa? Your Grace, what are you do-

Come on, chop-chop, don't miss our breakfast!

(I kind of vaguely question why the Queen would be waking the Prince if the servant is right there...? Or at all? Part of what I mean by being modern in a way that doesn't fit the setting, but that's mostly beside the point.)

My thoughts on this example:

It starts out with what I think is a typo - pew instead of phew? I'm not even sure. Then it jumps to ye old "T'was" before immediately abandoning it for modern speech and a sentence with a comma splice. I've seen far worse attempts, but in all honesty I tap out when I do. It's not a great start for either the grammar or its content.

Stylistically it overuses a few things -- ellipses can be seen in the example above. There is also a pattern of a lot of onomatopoeic words like "haha", but they are often stretched out or emphasized, as are some other words to show length. Like "MmmmmmmuuhhahaHAHAHAHA", real example. These are techniques that are meant to be used sparingly, and they aren't.

Most stories would drop the attempt to represent a sound, and instead describe it. It is the reason why we don't have all dialogue written phonetically to show accent, for example: because it is harder to read and quickly becomes annoying.

Here is another example:

"Eeeee... The tournament!!! How exciting!!! Hey, how did you get in here?"

First: whiplash on the last line, which should probably have been split into another (my opinion, anyway). But more importantly, the punctuation again, this time in exclamation points. You might (might!) see three exclamation points in a written work. But you'd never see it in two sentences next to each other like that. Also, question marks should likewise not be repeated, but if you must the pattern again tends to be in threes.

I would suggest picking up a book and comparing the structure of the dialogue. I think you will quickly spot a lot of ways in which the writing deviates from convention, and I don't think it's in a good way.

I hope I am not being nit-picky in an unwelcome way, because I really do mean this as genuine constructive criticism, and I really do hope it helps. Because there is potential here... but I think it needs a good editing. I hope you can get it to the point where the game does justice to your ideas - I do like them - but right now I don't think it's there.

What a remarkable game.

I was very hesitant to try it at first - I read the summary and had the completely wrong idea of what direction the story would take, just based on the concept of being a therapist of sorts who had a history of 'inappropriate' conduct. (Perhaps a consequence of seeing too many games with unlikable or even downright evil protagonists.)

But you handle that concept (among other serious topics) with impressive skill and careful consideration. My expectations at the beginning were not high, but even if they were, I think I still would have been blown away.

The characters have real depth to them, and even the ones I'm not quite so fond of I still appreciate as being well-written and having their own voices. Their design is striking too; I know that the renders are stylized and not everyone likes it, but honestly I vastly prefer it to the same-old recycled-asset hyper-realistic uncanny-valley treatment. It's unique, something to set the game apart from others. Props also to the variety in personality and appearance.

And the music is awesome. I don't understand why so many people just use the same dozen boring songs when there's a world of music out there, so much of it available to use for free.

I hope there are plans to put it on Steam. I imagine it would be quite successful there.

I finally gave this one a try and I have to say, I'm seriously surprised by how creative the whole concept is, and beyond that just how good it is. The writing and the art fit together perfectly from conception to execution.  That might be in part because (educated guess on my part) that the realities of using AI image generation means that the writing and the art both inform each other rather than the usual art derived from writing method. But together it just... works.

And I don't mean in a gameplay sense. Just as an example, the idea of using malformed images for enemies - and giving them a well-written in-universe reason to be so - is such an interesting way of avoiding the pitfalls of image generation. This, among other things, gives it that dream-like quality that I have always adored about this kind of shifting-reality fantasy. What could have been detrimental instead ends up being part of the charm, and there are quite a few little details like this.

A little bit of a rant here (bear with me), but story-wise it relies on a host of tropes that I have always found to be trite at best when it comes to this kind of game. The whole being sent to another world shtick, being the only (or mostly, anyway) man in the world, especially the magical reproduction, et cetera. To me these are synonymous with writing somewhere around the level of bathroom graffiti even individually, let alone all together.

But all these cliches that I normally avoid like the plague are somehow endearing here. It's like you saw all the same problems I did, but instead of hating these ideas you instead decided to redeem them. And I am glad you did, because they it seems they actually had real value, but more than that they clearly deserved far better than their usual treatment!

Anyway, I mention this specifically because I hate all those tropes, and yet I love what you've managed to do with them.  And if someone who doesn't even like half of the basic premise (though admittedly I am a sucker for this particular brand of fantasy world) still can't help but admit that the end result is good, then you've obviously made something special.