Post by Maidelen in Harmful Heaven, End of the World Visual Novel

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I don't know how much personal stuff I can tell in a devlog, but since it's part of the development process it counts, right? In any case, don't read this if you are only interested in the product, please.

Here there should be a paragraph talking a bit about my feelings about some things on the internet. That paragraph I deleted and rewrote for several hours already.

I just don't know how to express myself. The more I want to say something, the more I have no idea how to say it. I'm stupid and an idiot, I confirm it every day (it's not an insult to myself, it's a trait I find hard to accept) so I never know when something I think is right is actually wrong. If it wasn't for the support of my most valued friends, I wouldn't find myself here with the "courage" (running a public project, what courage that takes) to run a devlog of a serious project.

I feel like I'm going to die every time I want to express something minimally personal, when I would like to do it at least once in a while so as not to be perceived as a robot. But it's that when I try not to be someone who talks like an artificial intelligence I'm someone very unbearable and insufferable. I just don't know how to deal with it, and worse still that it was bad for me to try to do that when I was a minor, now that I'm an adult + trying to pull this whole thing off, it will be even less tolerated.

At least I can try here. On itch.io not many people hang out, much less their forums and much less this section. I can leave my stuff a bit over here. I will indicate when I want to talk about something personal that is not so much related to Harmful Heaven but has to do with how i feel. I have a long way to go.

It got dark before I knew it when I finished writing this. I feel now that it was a waste of time. I'll compensate by staying up late and sleeping in at 6 AM. I have to finish this and I have to finish it right.

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redonihunter1 year ago(+2)

I'm stupid and an idiot

That is doubtful. I think you overthink too much. Real stupid people and idiots do usually not realize their condition. which makes them so obnoxious.

so I never know when something I think is right is actually wrong

Read about formal arguments. For some stuff you can deduce what is right by following logic. And if you find that what you thought was true derived by faulty logic or faulty premises you will have answers too. But for some stuff it cannot be done. Anything that boils down to matters of taste. Or stuff that is not capable of being true or false. But it also can help if you know for yourself why you think something is right or wrong.

At the very least you might get a buffer against snake oil merchants. Be they political or ideological. If all they have is faulty formal arguments, they are most likely very wrong. People are harder. Because people lie. A lot. Some even do it on purpose.

The most common "lie" here on itch is, that people think they are game developers. This is more exagerration than lie, but it is the self publishing thing. Are self published writers really writers? Are youtubers actors and directors? Technically, maybe. But there is a difference between amateur and professional. But who would honestly call themselves an amateur game developer ;-)

it will be even less tolerated

Most adults are insufferable in their idiosyncracies. Just look at me and my overly long texts. And the ones you suffer, you just did not look hard enough or just do not care anymore, so you suffer them in silence. The problem with the internet is, that people have lower barriers to be inpolite. and some are just mean for the lulz.

The pandemic exposed lots of disturbing people. You would never have considered them to be like that. But in happy sunshine times, you do not see how people really are. The amount of stupidity is frighteningly high among "adults".

I want to talk about something personal that is not so much related to Harmful Heaven

That is not advised. You can of course set up a blog or something and link to it on your profile and even game page. Which would give you even more freedom, because a lot of things are out of place in the community here.

If you have thoughts about certain topics, you should search for forums dealing with those topics to exchange with like minded people. The community here is for indie and hobby games. Talking about other stuff is rather discouraged and people might react alienated or not at all. If google fails you, look at reddit. There is a subreddit for just about anyhting.

The creative expression of choice here, is of course, making a game about it.

But tl;dr, Do not listen too closely to strangers on the internet.

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redonihunter1 year ago

Why, thankyou there. It is rare that someone reads what I write. Like seriously. Most shy away from the long text. It is always better in your own head, and if you can type almost as fast as you can speak, texts tend to get long. Too long for comment sections.

I learned arguing in school and what no one prepared me for, was, that the internet has a use for this. But so many people use fake arguments and unsound logic. That led me to the lists of fallacies you can read on wikipedia and elsewhere. People fail to think. It is not that they are stupid, but they literally lack the knowledge how to. And how to spot people talking out of their ... well, let's just say, I like to think about stuff and present my opinions in a more reasoned manner. They are still opinions of course, but someone taught me a while ago that it is important to be able to reason your doing. (It was a bureacrat that had some leeway in makeing decisions, so he likes to reason it, to distinguish it from arbitrary or random decisions.)

For game design that would translate to things like, I make my game in an engine that I can use so I can make progress faster. Or my protagonist is a teenager, in the hopes that teenagers can relate to him.

And for me that is why I can say confidently that most game devs are hobby enthusiasts, even if they claim or wish otherwise. Because I can point to analoguos situation in all creative arts as the internet made it quite easy to self publish. A blessing and a curse.

The huge opportunity and advantage is, that you do not have to cater to a publisher. You can do you.

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Maidelen1 year ago(+1)

Your logic and your way of expressing yourself really make me reflect and question things. Positively.

I call myself a stupid idiot because I make so many stupid mistakes that other people wouldn't make in environments like college, home or with my friends. But what you say makes sense. I still think it's a trait to get used to, but I've also met dumb people who don't know they're dumb and they're the worst.

Yes, you are absolutely right that Itch.io is not a casual forum for socializing, I mean, there is socializing but on other lines. I can leave the talking about personal stuff for other places, it's just that I'm afraid that people will perceive me as a robot because of how I've shown myself so far. But, there are better ways to say things about yourself in a light and brief way instead of making your devlog of your project a personal blog.

Um, I use reddit a lot recently to visit posts from a franchise that is very complicated. But I wouldn't want to make an account because of the reputation it has (I've never, ever read the word 'redditor' in a positive tone) but I can look for alternatives. With the whole twitter thing dying it's become popular something called Mastodon which looks interesting. anyway! The point is to look for other places to express things better.

I will try to faithfully follow the advice of "Do not listen too closely to strangers on the internet." but adding "unless what they say makes sense" like the things you said. Sorry if I didn't answer everything but I read your posts repeatedly to catch everything 100%. Thank you for advising me.

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redonihunter1 year ago(+1)

I call myself a stupid idiot because I make so many stupid mistakes that other people wouldn't make in environments like college, home or with my friends

You are biased. You know about your own mistakes. But you often do not know about the mistakes other people make. Like painting a wall. You do see the errors you made, the paint splashes, the place where you had to repair the wall, the place where you had to paint twice because of sloppy painting or dark colors on the wall. All the stuff most others would not notice or deem important. While I can of course not tell you how stupid you really are, I do can tell you that phenomenons like this are real. They go hand in hand with stuff like confirmation bias and even overconfidence like the Dunning-Kruger effect. (That could be me trash talking game devs, because I think, I could do it better ;-)

Regarding the robot thing ... gaming was once nerd territory... ;-)

Good to see that you already picked up one of the fundamental rules of sound arguments. It does not matter who says something. It could be proverbial villain or the town idiot. If premise is true and logic is sound, argument is sound.

(Reddit is a swamp. It more or less is a mirror of the internet users. The good and the bad. And you can guess what side gets more coverage outside of reddit. But it might become a self fulfilling prophecy. If enough people avoid reddit because of bad reputation, only the people going there for the bad reputation will be there. Be sure not to give real personal infos there. Or anyhwere for that matter.)

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Maidelen1 year ago(+1)

Thank you for your words, they make me feel better. I can be more idle from time to time so I don't get saturated with what I do. It's just that I feel this is something I have to do (it IS something I have to do) and I have to be disciplined if I want to get it right, since lack of discipline is one of my biggest flaws. But, everything in moderation. Thanks for your kindness.

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