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(+3)

I'll start with the obvious. The presentation of this is gorgeous. Custom gui, music, cgs all built to the tone of the piece. The hard work was obvious and shows. The chase scene? Fantastic. Felt like something you could see in a museum.

The piece brings to mind an essay had I had to read in college-- some sort of excerpt from a work that trying to find on the internet without any of the additional context makes nearly impossible--  titled Sentiment Always, Sentimentality Never.

The short of it is the sentimentality felt unearned, but let me circle back to that. Let me take the long way around, not unlike the story in itself :p

There was some characterization issues to me. Or rather, Mori's beginning felt detached with the rest of Mori. We start off with Mori detached, seemingly having already mourned his death, expecting to have passed in one year but malingered for four. He has a sort of clinical detachment from his body, ready to watch his body get burnt to a crisp, and yet with the prospect of going into a place of paradise, he agrees to Memento's ask to linger and go through his history. It feels like a choice born of progressing the plot in contrast to the opening scene.

We do however, move to a more consistent viewpoint of Mori from there-- one that didn't do the mourning his detachment implied-- it's more of an artifact of the opening feeling separate from the the rest of the characterization.

Similarly, you set this piece in conversation to the Death of Discworld and the Death of Nail Gaiman's works (especially with what feels like the nod to Stardust by Neil Gaiman in the "play within the play which frames with a similar structure against the greater plot narrative). Discworld's death is kind of the detached end of the spectrum. He tries to learn via adopting a child and then eventually raising his grandchild (after his child passes on). Death isn't quite robotic in Discworld as the auditors but he's more of structure of a natural force. I'm not as well versed in Neil Gaiman's death, but I believe his endless are more "human", having more earthly attachments and emotionality.

Memento sits somewhere in the middle, but he simultaneously flickers between both ends of the scale. He questions Mori "what is joy, what is grief", etc etc, while also pointing to elements that he believes causes them (belly rubs, a flower, a sunset). His understanding and his uncertainty (of needing to define his own existential dread) feels sorta inconsistent. Some of his wording felt robotic, but then the expressions were too vivid. Discworld's death would have the flat skull affect, but Memento here is living it up, showing the depths of expression (which are lovely, mind you, but feeling incongruent to his lines).

In that same vein, it feels sorta unearned that Memento fawns over Mori. He's indicated he's spent like lifetimes observing deaths and talking for various periods-- we spent just as briefly a window with Mori and we saw a play in which his own focus was narrowed on the Memento's foil  (which would resonate more if we could have Memento identifying with that same sort of Stardust vibes) but we get the simultaneously wizened, detached Memento (which ALSO sort of echoes to like Phos as we approach the end of Houseki no Kuni (spoilers~)-- someone that has overcome worldly desires). His fawning is where we start to feel that sentimentality (or I do). An informed reason for obsessing over Mori. The forced crying (and some of those caps locks moments felt unearned).

I think we could have buffered this out if we had less of the play and the more of the running sequence. The foil narrative where we lingered with Stella for so long (her name the path of least resistance for Star -> Stella) has the payoff of Mori lashing out at her when she briefly revisited, if anything portraying her as sorta callous and dismissive (of which as a character we're trying to have her foil against for Memento isn't quite the best payoff?). She's perhaps being given an excessive response but the burden of caring is sorta with the living, not the deceased (like a funeral). He's all but dead but in execution. She's not properly understanding him and not is leading her interaction by trying to connect via the offering of herself, as opposed to letting him lead (paralleling to how he has to be the one comforting her backstage-- even her offered assistance starts with pulling back to herself). 

The running sequence-- the inevitability of Memento's approach? Gorgeous. I think if we had MORE of that (sorry, more hard work for Arcadia) it would help draw in the inevitability. A place to buffer the conversation with each stop as Memento catches up. It's the proper lead up to the nothingness, but we don't get enough time for it to sink it. It's kind of a snapshot that Memento was lying. The more time we run, the more time we have to be running from the horror, for it to build up at the back of our minds-- what must be avoided  looms in its absence, a sort of negative space. This was already perhaps the strongest part of the piece, especially in its presentation, but I think that makes it hurt for how brief it was. I kinda wanted like the rule of threes: three distinct places to see the inevitability of Memento as opposed to what felt like the one sequence.

Back to sentimentality-- the dog Mori always wanted (with that obvious presence as Memento) was yet another moment. We revisited his waking life, but we don't get it until the end of the flashback sequences? We couldn't have a hint of it earlier? It feels like a justification for the romance with Memento-- even his picking of Mori feels like "My wolf by default. I chose you as my sample person for my existential dread because?" He's seen endless people and this one experience is the one that draws him in? The memory viewing of the play helped him subtly notice himself via the similar being of the star? It doesn't feel convincing to me that Mori is the one that broke the damn on Memento's feelings.

However, I did love how the waltz worked as a medium for Mori to have his performance (calling out the stars as the audience-- what greater stage is there than the universe itself).

Ugh, I've already said a lot, so if you have further asks like... let me know, but I don't want to say that this still isn't an excellent experience. The music is a lovely counterpart to the ethereal scenes, punctuated with fluid transitions between them all. It really does show the strengths of all of the team that contributed to the project, and is a fantastic contribution to the May Wolf experience.  It's not surprising why it got the feedback its received. It's merited, even if I can't help but pick at the tangled skeins. Time for me to depart this comment~

(+1)

I'm glad you enjoyed the art at least but this is pretty rough to hear, honestly.  Although, I think authorial intent is usually irrelevant when engaging with media in my opinion, I do want to address some of these criticisms mostly to assess my own skills as a writer and trying to see what went wrong. It seems that the main issue is that... It was sentimental and it felt cheap? Sentiment not Sentimentality? You don't really reference this again so I'm not sure what you mean by this but I'll address everything here...

The first point of Mori feeling detached I do not understand. Being detached from his corpse and showing Memento his past don't seem correlated? Mori had confirmation of eternal happiness which informed his decision to at least help Memento. If anything, he's even more detached from his body because at that point he doesn't really care about the physical world anymore as he, in his mind, believes there's paradise after. It was a choice born of progressing the plot, but I don't see how it's forced or unearned?

And, no, I have never read Discord nor have to made any intentional references to this Neil Gaiman. The framing of a play is more slightly inspired by the performance from Bojack Horseman's View From Halfway Down though it was given a more classical, theatrical aesthetic. As for Memento, I can see how some of his characterization can be inconsistent. Memento understands stuff like a flower or a sunset as bringing people happiness, but Mori describes a more visceral kind of happiness to Memento. Memento's view on it is surface level and it's Mori's lived experience that shows him the deeper nuance to it.

As for Stella, I dont' see where the parallel to Memento comes from, personally. She's intended to show Mori's decaying connections with people and how he pushed people away. She was a dear friend to Mori, showing Memento was sorrow is while alluding to Mori's own past, and also them leaving on the worst of terms with no real resolution making Mori more regretful and truly alone by the end. The rest of that section of the criticism I don't understand?  "She's perhaps being given an excessive response but the burden of caring is sorta with the living, not the deceased" I don't know what this means? She's... Caring for Mori? And she said things that might've been inappropriate at the time? That was the intention of that scene, that Stella had good intentions but it's clear she didn't truly understand. So... I don't know what to make of this section?

Also, Memento doesn't necessarily fawn over Mori. He's just naturally affectionate and kind, as he mentions that he allows dog lovers to give him belly rubs. He wants to be approachable and comforting and the exaggerated expressions are part of that. There was no real way to make their romance a typical one, so I was aiming for Memento actually experiencing these emotions for the first time and it being overwhelming as opposed to it being a legitimate romantic relationship. As Mori put it, it was one last performance together, and he simply wanted to be with someone at least.  Though, caps lock is a mistake on my part and I'll def refrain from using it in the future. It does not seem to be a popular choice. The chase scene was also one I greatly enjoyed writing, but I never really felt the need to make it more than that. I added a moment of foreshadowing this aspect of Memento in the beginning and I think that was appropriate as this is a shorter form visual novel and I feel having three separate instances of it would've reduced the impact of when Memento fully showcases that aspect of his personality. He IS death and he WILL take Mori and, to me, that scene lasted as long as it needed to. It was intended to be longer, but I don't think we needed more explanation from Mori of him running or Memento telling him it's futile.

Mori wanting a dog was more so just a little thing that connected to his loneliness and the desire for someone close to him. And Memento selecting Mori is outright said as just a 'random thing'. Memento says he could've chosen the last one or the last one but he decided this one for no other real reason. Sometimes, we just decide it's time to do something. Memento says reapers evolve over time and it came to the point where Memento had acquired enough human experience to begin questioning things. Mori just so happened to be the person he asked first. I don't think there really needs to be a deeper meaning to his selection. This is Memento's first time actually engaging and trying to understand a person for an elongated period of time. He has seen endless people, but this time he's witnessing it for himself and it's what pushes him over the edge. He's actually feeling a growing human connection for the first time in millions of years.

I hope I did not come across as rude here, but I've seen a lot of criticism that I don't understand or are answered in the text and it's been somewhat frustrating. Maybe I could have made my points more overt but I worry about making things unsubtle which Purkka mentioned was an issue that it wasn't subtle so... I don't know.  I do have a thin skin when it comes to criticism so I guess I just need to toughen up in that regard, but I did want to say SOMETHING at least because some of these criticisms I find hard to understand. Caps lock being bad? Yeah I get that. Maybe I could've made Memento's familiarity a bit more consistent? Maybe showed he does understand some of it, but only at a surface level. But stuff like Memento selecting Mori feeling forced or Stella being a foil to Memento I just... Don't understand. It's disappointing to hear that the sentiment of the story felt unearned. Things being unearned and forced seem like the hallmark of amateur writing so I'm pretty ashamed of myself that it came across that way. I guess I'll just have to do better in the future but thanks for reading and I'm glad you at least enjoyed parts of it.