itch.io

Spoilers:

Theme: Themen't.

Story: Lots of funny one liners, but this was mainly one part a parody of tennis ace, one part jokes towards? with? for? Choky. (also because tennis ace?)

I suppose it's doing well in what it's trying to do as a shitpost, but shitposts aren't quite long form media, even for the longest of youtubepoops.

You also made the bull Otis from the Barnyard tv show/movie?

Presentation: You used the camera well overall, and I loved my son, Aoba, with his realistic head, but some things were askew like the macaroni sex noises at the start that failed to line up with the dialogue, or pasting a link to an image for us to see at the end.

Creativity: There's always creativity in shitposting, but there's also only so much room if one stays too close to the inspo.

Overall  Thoughts: As a shitpost goes, 5/5. As an overarching story/game? I can't be that generous. Your mpreg is noted and appreciated though.

Spoilers:

Theme: Not quite present.

Story: I'm not sure how I feel. A lot feels very expository in this setup, amongst some punchy lines. I don't know how much I buy into the necessity of the pup play (even with the symbolic parallels in your using it as a foil for being a werewolf as a sort of presentation performativity/identification of the 'true self'). It feels more comical than anything else, which is a curious clash against the tone of the work for me. Like it feels meant to be commentary on how we are perceived/want to be perceived, but in the same breath Nino is barking out endless daddies and is driving the relationship (more like father son play than pup play, i guess? which is even funnier with the lampshaded age difference) and that makes it difficult for me to take him serious when he says anything at all (but in all fairness, others may not have the same issue).

We also end before we get anywhere, with just a lot of build-up, layers upon layers of worldbuilding and we come out with like 5 key items( and maybe a shared sub item):

1. Our protagonist hates being a werewolf.
1a/2a. He fears dying young due to being a werewolf, and not living a proper life due to being a werewolf.

2. Werewolves die young.

3. There's a secret supernatural world.

4. Our protag hates his brother and will do anything to get to him.

5. His brother's left a trail along the way, his past discarded in more ways than one.

I guess I'm unsure of whether our protagonist is even meaningfully upset his parents died? He seems more in awe at their untimely expiration and that their lives were so short, glossing over their deaths with the Kitsune (who was also a fae? that's a curious arrangement, not quite what traditional fae are like, especially when you were borrowing from other japanese folklore with the nezumi).  He didn't quite seem angry at them either for obscuring being mostly(?) natural-born werewolves, or at least, obscuring what was going on with the brother, or favoring the brother, but rather just being jealous of Ugo, which isn't an impossible metric, but it makes me wonder more who our protagonist is that he seems indifferent (or at least, ambivalent?) all the same in spite of his heated feelings for his brother.

Presentation: You've found some top notch assets and arranged (and edited) them masterfully. I know how hard it is to find assets, and you scouted furiously, it seems, to find items that really fit your mood, and it does pay off. Even the font is great, and that's ANOTHER thing that takes endless effort to find a suitable one.

Even the little bursts of  "CGs", the quick flashes of drawma, show great scripting.

Creativity: Urban fantasy + revenge. Time tested classics.

Overall thoughts: Given that this is so much of a build-up to a story rather than a story itself, I'm kinda left wanting. Your presentation is fantastic, but the narrative as it stands so far is a promise, and a promise alone requires a lot to really push ahead. 

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Siebar: The short story I think of off the top of my head as a comparison that functions as a sort of promise (that was built into a full novel) doesn't appear to have any online copy to point to lol. (For context, it's Ava Wrestles the Alligator, which then got built out into its own work as Swamplandia--god, I wish I spill stories like her.)

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Like what it stands for  shows promise, but as it currently is, it's an incomplete story, one that I have trouble staying within. I felt like I learned more about what the protagonist didn't know, then about the protagonist when we had so many things to react to. A sort of outline of what he wasn't, and while in a way that defines him, the image I got wasn't clear enough to fill in the space. Maybe even more  so bout the brother than himself, which is another curious way to define him.

It's very much a queer story (the incurable disease (reminiscent of the HIV crisis), the rejection of the self, the untimely demise, the literal kink community within) and yet we also have other supernatural beings that don't seem to have the same limitations, which kind of pulls it away from that othering (to me). They exist in the same space-- it's the supernatural community, not the werewolf community. Do they have their own health limitations? The rabbit seems to live freely, as does the kitsune and bartender.  The werewolves have an actual built in-limitation (of which the kitsune seems to suggest that trying to seal away things isn't the answer, and yet that feels like sort of the xmen third movie paradigm of "Woman with really awesome powers says there's nothing wrong with being a mutant" whereas "woman who can kill everyone she loves in a touch and never know their embrace wishes to be "normal", if that makes any sense.

A message can be true, but the preponderance of evidence suggests the full moon, eg. a full embrace, would lead to a lack of sanity, and that it's right to not try and embrace the othering state. And then I'm back to kinda of wondering where this extended metaphor stands, and what the incompleteness obscures that perhaps the full narrative would be able to capture.

And while what may come would likely be enjoyable if crafted with the same care, what's currently present isn't the same as what it promises to become.

Spoilers:

Theme: Vore expansion?

Story: I like the implementation of Vore as a mechanic for the murder mystery, and it was a fun explanation and series of discovery to get to the point. Very on-genre.

The part where I struggled with (which is mostly personal, mind you. People's relationship with humor is personal) is the constant zingers. It felt like everything was at the same level the whole time. I needed some variation-- some more moments of sincerity (if only briefly) to make the jokes pop harder. Or at least, the guise of sincerity, even if we can laugh at the thought of being sincere over something silly.

You have a way with humor, but I felt like I just was rammed into joke after joke after joke with no time to breathe.

Everyone's voices also felt kinda similar overall to me (which is perhaps part of my confusion for who was speaking) because it didn't feel like there was even a "straight man". (Comedy straight man, not hetero straight man.)

Presentation: No music, and I got confused with who was speaking the whole time given the irregularity of the expressions? And I think we could have had like... the sprite of the deceased rotated into a giant water tank-- that would have been funny, as opposed to the void.

Or like having the door closed before opening it to the scene, instead of the same hallway throughout-- I was initially confused why they were speaking sans sprites.

Creativity: Vore as a mechanism to help faciliate a murder? Honestly? Slay. Well done. I thought it was either like... nested vore (how did he get up to the room? In someone else's stomach) or finding the stashed body to then deposit at the room (also by vore) instead of it being used as an alibi.

Overall Thoughts: I enjoyed the overall conceit, but I personally had a bit of difficulty following who was saying what the entire time. I still appreciate your contribution to the may wolf game jam, and your wild idea for what it meant to have a vore mystery. I salute you!!!

Spoilers:

Theme: Expanded worldview.... I guess, but he already seemed to be pretty aware of what was going on, on the other side (from having already talked to the wolf).

Story: One part "reconcile" with family, one part isekai. I'm a sucker for isekai in that I read too much of them, as mediocre as many of those mangas are... but this was pretty cute. Reminded me of Gate.

I think you did pretty well at what you were setting out to do, but your reconciliation scene didn't resonate for me given we didn't have a "before" to compare it to. We needed a prior level to  compare the resolution to, imo.

I'm not sure how I feel about the "sequel" bait in the bigger scope ending, but I guess it's on brand. The main issue is perhaps a lot of the time was spent on "yes it is isekai, but here is how it is different" which is cute but pulls away from the narrative you were trying to tell (at least, the short one of family bonds prior to the librarian scope creep).

Presentation: What you did have, I liked, like the really small wolf moving from side to side, and the music you picked felt mostly appropriate, but there was a lot of gaps of music, and a lot of broken images (and I think it woul have been nice to see the pixie too).

Creativity: Psychometry-esque power is always fun, as is isekai subversions, although isekai subversions are still so mainstream at this point that you rounded back to mainstream, but I won't hate too much in that regard.

Overall thoughts: I would enjoy reading more, although that may be because I'm a sucker for isekais, but It was still enjoyable and the character banter was pleasant and did betray a sort of cultural blending of the two worlds.

If the presentation's major gaps were fixed, I think this would be a very enjoyable romp (although I don't know about the sequel bait/continuation ending so much for me).

Not you forcing me into the room of "Feet pics" discourse... delightfully devilish, Kraaj.

SPoilers:

Theme: Saying the theme in one moment does not quite make a theme.

Story: Performative live-action movie date for their friend (who they forced in as part of the scene). Very brief, with no time to breath with fourth wall breaks that didn't fit within the pre-existing structure (whether through Misery (the real Draky?) or the characters themselves commenting on it?) Unless that narrator was also supposed to be Misery but then why was Misery also the narrator in those moments?

It felt very much like those 3d model videos of the man and the woman only speaking gen z slang, but inconsistently at that. I suppose it does align very truthfully with what their poorly thought out narrative would be, but that doesn't quite make it interesting to read a hodgepodge narrative.

The thing that's missing compared to those videos is how they commit to the awful bit, where this one keeps pulling back and undercutting itself, as though not confident in the idea (and then we felt not confident in what the story was telling us because the story kept telling us that things were going wrong (which sure, but for stuff that felt primarily imagined(?), that creates false stakes of wrong vs real wrong stakes to latch onto).

Presentation: I appreciated your dragon scene, and your attention to the details throughout, although the black abyss and the attempt to lampshade the "Funny moments music"... I'm not sure if they did you any favors.

Also wild to not even allow for music volume to be adjusted lol.

Your narrative made lots of items feel disjointed, even if authentically necessary within the narrative, which made the accompanying presentation also feel disjointed at times.

Creativity: Well, trying to replicate the vibe of like teenagers performatively doing an extensive tiktok and not being well rounded enough at absurdist humor  to really sell it is a wild take, and I applaud your ambition.

Overall thoughts: I came out feeling wanting. I wonder if we had more time and more consistent through lines if I'd be more on board with the premise, as opposed to the story consistently interrupting itself.

Spoilers etc:

Theme:  Not sure, tbh. Space colonizing?

Story: Kinda just like three visits to the criminals to go "you know, you weren't so entirely bad" and them going "that doesn't make me good" followed by "You're kinda hot" with different timings. I do appreciate having the "no romance won" ending tho, and the other false endings too.

The narratives felt very adapted from whatever source material inspired the two wolves (is true conifer supposed to be a MGS solid ref? I can't tell insomuch as I don't know those games very well... big boss?) and those similar plot beats kinda had them feeling very similar in the end, barring one being more forward/flirty than the other.

Essentially our pov character felt pretty replaceable, which is perhaps the thing that was missing to force them to have different convos-- they could have had those convos with anyone who gave them a spare second.

Presentation:  I appreciate the custom sprites & occasional custom backgrounds, but having no audio at all was tough, and some of the backgrounds felt too small or out of place for the setting (like plane seats on the spaceship?)

Creativity: Ersatzing famous characters as prisoners is interesting, I'll say that much.

Overall thoughts: Nice attempt, but there were some glaring holes (mostly the no audio) and the sort of standard approach on both sides that left it feeling a bit more like a vignette than a story. Just an experiment in mood, but without all the necessary modifiers in place.

Spoilers etc:

Theme:  Not sure, tbh. Space colonizing?

Story: Kinda just like three visits to the criminals to go "you know, you weren't so entirely bad" and them going "that doesn't make me good" followed by "You're kinda hot" with different timings. I do appreciate having the "no romance won" ending tho, and the other false endings too.

The narratives felt very adapted from whatever source material inspired the two wolves (is true conifer supposed to be a MGS solid ref? I can't tell insomuch as I don't know those games very well... big boss?) and those similar plot beats kinda had them feeling very similar in the end, barring one being more forward/flirty than the other.

Essentially our pov character felt pretty replaceable, which is perhaps the thing that was missing to force them to have different convos-- they could have had those convos with anyone who gave them a spare second.

Presentation:  I appreciate the custom sprites & occasional custom backgrounds, but having no audio at all was tough, and some of the backgrounds felt too small or out of place for the setting (like plane seats on the spaceship?)

Creativity: Ersatzing famous characters as prisoners is interesting, I'll say that much.

Overall thoughts: Nice attempt, but there were some glaring holes (mostly the no audio) and the sort of standard approach on both sides that left it feeling a bit more like a vignette than a story. Just an experiment in mood, but without all the necessary modifiers in place.

Spoilers:

Theme: expanded world view or growth or something for the alien (and I guess growing out of the hearache for Xander).

Story: A sort of ET tale but with romance. The alien crash, the jilted lover, the govt agents. If anything, I think my issue was that there was too much, if only partially that the rebound romance felt bad to me.

There was so much of the "i don't know my own emotions" (copied from Xander's emotions at that) from Wesley, followed by the spur stuck in his foot scene (which Xander noted he last  had that happen as a child) that made any sort of romantic feelings for Wesley feel out of place barring his shapeshifting abilities, for me. Like initially smelling Hikaru on him as a sort of lure. And so much of Xander's mind was like... used to form Wesley-- for all the talk of mpreg, it made Xander feel like Wesley's father... barring the kissing which felt wrong.

Wesley felt so much like a child, to me. It's so curious that they're a spacefaring species but without any sort of imagination, which I feel is like, contrary to at least our worldview. So much of our science is sought out for on the back of dreams of impossible realities and childhood stories of unknown worlds. It's so alien (ha!) that it kind of makes that pursuit of knowledge also seem unreasonable to me.  To know for the sake of knowing and then an expansion into feelings? So fresh? Like a newborn mind, of sorts. 

(Even the small footpads compared to the hands only served to reinforce that feeling-- i'd expect bipedal beings to have like some measure of larger feet than hands, but the two were the same size-- an adults hand's  can fit a child's feet, as though the presentation itself was saying that Wesley was young).

So much of this you framed with the background of movies, in that I wonder if you trapped yourself in those conventions, where so much can happen with that can fall apart if one questions the time it took to get to that point. Like the ending-- Xander didn't matter b efore, but they heard the alien say he would come back for him. Congrats, imprisoned for life to await for their return!

Or how was he moving with a spinal injury? It's not completely out of the window, but it was a pretty violent injury if the spine was like... out of alignment that much. I don't know how he even managed tog et back to Wesley with that sort of wound-- at least Wesley's support meant that he had some external force to carry him along?

Or how was he going to marry Hikaru if the man was brazen enough to go to an orgy and think he could be taken back? His sister too kind to say "i told you so?" after being mad at him the day after? (Or to pivot back, how could Wesley understand that Xander loved Hikaru, but not those own complex feelings of the self at that point?) There's only the nice portrayal with the flashback, but that rings sort of false after seeing the scene at teh cabin and knowing Xander was stood up, like there should have been red flags he ignored all along to get to that point.

Presentation: I loved all the little moments you did throughout, lie the constellation, or the hands reaching out with stars in them, and yes, everyone's favorite footpads too.

There were a few moments where I thought there could sfx were there weren't (like how you had it for one crash of glass and not the other), and other than the ambience and over-prevalanece of purple, I think you did a great job with these.

(I didn't love how Wesley was a silhouette and then not one-- was that something with the naked sprites? To try and keep it SFW?) I would have rather seen ken doll nudity or a blur--I was spending too much time wondering if he was supposed to look alien only for you to describe him as seemingly normal while he was still a sillhouette.

Creativity: Rebound rom com x ET/Iron Giant/Whatever other films there are with alien friends... alf? lol

Overall thoughts: A great job, very shaped by the films that were alluded to throughout the work, although I think if the narrative took it away from the romance (and thereby cut some of those other scenes which were to build up to the those emotional moments) then that other sort of emotionality would have paid off more. That, or make Wesley feel less like a child (to me :sweat:), to make it allowable that Xander could fall for him outside of Hikaru's pheremones lingering due to Wesley taking a form most "suitable" for Xander.

But others may not have the same qualms, ya know? Art is subjective <3

Now i have to remember to look at your other works after I recover from may wolf overdosing.

Real, working with someone else on a team is indeed a pleasure haha. Even one more lifts a burden.

Spoilers:

Theme: Expanding knowledge of teh world? I guess?

Story: I liked your swing, but I felt like you missed in part.

There weren't any levels in the depths of Mikkel's angst (and sure, that makes sense) but we go from depressed at party to depressed at lake to memories of family angst to depressed to depressed. You kept telling me in flowery language how much the boy was suffering.

It's not perhaps an unfaithful telling of like depression, albeit maybe not for the suicide (I do believe it's common that it's said the day an attempt is made, those who attempt feel at peace, because they have something to hold onto (and it seems like they day they come out the most from underneath the depressive fog)). And yet, we spent a good chunk reiterating the same pain.

I liked the intrusive thoughts (and then the positive intrusive thoughts) displayed when getting rejected from university. (Grad school? It seemed like Uni which made Mycroft's interest in Mikkel at the end there a bit oof for me).

I was a bit surprised he had room for that flower depths of prose, is what I was cynically thinking. It made sense for the narrator at the start (although I didn't love that (i did like the spider in the web, and the message, but I didn't love the sort of preachy "you have one life to live bit" (but maybe others liked that more))), given that's more of an authorial voice, but Mikkel already seemed exhausted-- creative turning of phrases is another item that people point to as fading away in the depths of depression (a sort of muted mind).

The genre shift was curious-- I'm wondering if Mikkel already had his fate changed once as a child, and thus the second time  around is what fucked stuff up enough for Lady Death to get pissed, albeit it happening felt abrupt, and out of nowhere. (How did Mycroft even find him? Just walking around, always looking and then bam, used his shinigami eyes to see that Mikkel wasn't going to survive the day?)

The puzzle wasn't too difficult, I just didn't know what Mycroft wanted sans hint. The screen is a grocery store and we just talked about being trailed, so I mentioned groceries visible on the screen or other aisles/the trailing. 

I did enjoy Mycroft's voice a lot more, so while the shift was abrupt, I wasn't outright upset. Just confused.

Presentation: You ate here. My only thought was during the guitar scene, you said that the word faded away-- make it actually happen by blurring the background while playing instead of telling us.

I also didn't love the lengthy pauses (that you purposefully chose) and the no-waits/redos (that you purposefully chose) but your vision was very clear in those and it made sense in the moment.

I appreciated your tinkering with size of text, guis, twisting words around, etc. You do like to make use of the full engine.

Creativity: Urban fantasy god proxy war & slice of life depression quest is an interesting combination.

Overall thoughts: Nice stuff, although this felt more like a vehicle to launch the former rather than being a full game-jam oriented entry. I think the early focus got a bit misplaced, perhaps because we were too far in the protagonist's head, making all the disclosures of feeling depressed somehow feel less important with the sheer repetition of them.

Still, I think you told an interesting story and that people will be lining up to see the rest of it. Well done again!

Spoilers:

Theme: Expanding worldview or something?

Story: One part the writer looking for inspiration, one part a horny hookup, one part the story to an action movie where the normal everyday man is pulled in by being in at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I think ending with what's the beginning to a larger narrative kinda blueballs the work--I think you would have maybe been better served with like, Colton abandoning the protagonist in the hotel overnight (with a note perhaps).

I think your smut was well done though.

The voice is pretty consistent overall, and the  tension is ever present.

Presentation: Okay, there's a lot of small things that add up here.

No music.

Misattribution of dialog tags that should have been caught beta testing.

Backgrounds that don't get replaced when tehy should.

Describing things we can see on the screen without enough flavor changes.

I appreciated the custom sprites and backgrounds when appropriate, but when we're seeing them past when we should it makes them stand out for the wrong reasons.

Creativity: It feels like the start of an action movie, although the pacing is a bit off.  Writers on writing though... aough. Still a fun conceptual romp.

Overall Thoughts: With some smoothing of the rough edges and another pass, this could be pretty good, but there's a lot of missed opportunities like no jazz music playing in a jazz club (let alone any music at all).

Also ending with the start of the bulk of the narrative is a good trailer tease, but not quite for a stand alone work.

Solid attempt though.

Theme: Expansion of memory? Awareness? time?

Story: I surmised it was some sort of purgatory at the start, although I didn't expect it to be a second-chance sort of deal, which was a nice twist.

The story kind of barrels ahead at full force the whole time, without much time to breathe (albeit that's not terrible for a shorter work, but I think the subject of this story merited some more time in the gaps).

That opening monologue to himself was a bit much, and could have been done with a little more subtlety/integration rather than openly lampshading that it was to explain to the audience.

Presentation: I liked your custom backgrounds and setups, and how the future tapes disappeared when recording was done. You made pretty good use of a limited palette in the afterworld too, although I don't know if I loved the magic dragon's "void". But still a pretty nice stuff for a two day excursion.

Creativity: While this is the sort of narrative that's highly identifiable with clues, it still stands out from a lot of the May Wolf 2024 noise, which is nice.

Overall thoughts; Nice brief attempt, you went ham to pen like 7k words in two days, but in a way that shows. Urgency carried your production speed, but that left it a bit rough around the edges.  Well done nonetheless!

And that ends my time in your May Wolf comments :p

Spoilers follow:

Theme: Expansion of unreality into our reality? (Undercut in that it was a dream).

Story: The real spaghetti wasn't the plate, but the tendrils of corruption twisting the area... but it was a dream.

Presentation: I liked the modification of the red screen for a (mostly) single act work, but no music nor sfx at all felt awry. 

Creativity: it gave me Cool and New Webcomic Vibes, which is a bit plus honestly. I was amused at your take on calling the "mywolf" an inherently flat concept, given it lacked the dimensionality "you" had. It would have been fun to explore that conceit further in your horror satire.

Overall thoughts: You're a homestuck fan, aren't you? or at least a hussie fan? The red miles, the corruption of CanWC, Zhen waking up to a pot at the start of Psychocolonials? or is that just me. Am i the only one drawing those connections.

Didn't appreciate the dream break nor the filler words of "again and again" or whatever it was. I think you could have achieved something other than dream. You were doing so well with the conceit of the 2d and 3d dimensionality.

Spoilers:

Theme: Felt like expanding of worldview.

Story: This story felt like a story fixated on whatever wasn't present, if that makes sense. Whenever Mirko was w/o Boris, Mirko thought about Boris or Marcello. When with Marcello, he thinks about Boris and home.  While in the story it called it 'nostalgia', I'd say it's something similar, a sort of pining for what one doesn't have, which was an interesting conceit that could have done with more attention.

We had a lot of exposition about what was being felt throughout--I think we could have managed with a little more subtlety at times. Ranges to the levels. Think about Marcello, but don't go in depth about the thoughts. Let us fill in the gaps.

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Story asides: Groaned at the echo and smoke room references. Did like the football name chant though.

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Presentation: Frankly, in spite of the music gaps, when we did have music it felt very appropriate. And I loved the micro-expressions. That really sold it for me. You had to keep looking for the tiniest of changes. Like I was really excited to see the faces change so much with each word (although the thought of doing this on a longer piece sounds like major pain).

Creativity: A curious tale of immigration and love and loss. I found it strange to ersatz the names, but perhaps that's a reflection that this is a world very similar but different to ours, even if it was hit with a pandemic.

Overall thoughts: This did feel like it could be a tweaking of a personal tale, which is a testament to the potential it had in how "real" it was. With some more polish in the prose, I think this could shine.

Spoilers:

Theme: Felt like expanding of worldview.

Story: This story felt like a story fixated on whatever wasn't present, if that makes sense. Whenever Mirko was w/o Boris, Mirko thought about Boris or Marcello. When with Marcello, he thinks about Boris and home.  While in the story it called it 'nostalgia', I'd say it's something similar, a sort of pining for what one doesn't have, which was an interesting conceit that could have done with more attention.

We had a lot of exposition about what was being felt throughout--I think we could have managed with a little more subtlety at times. Ranges to the levels. Think about Marcello, but don't go in depth about the thoughts. Let us fill in the gaps.

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Story asides: Groaned at the echo and smoke room references. Did like the football name chant though.

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Presentation: Frankly, in spite of the music gaps, when we did have music it felt very appropriate. And I loved the micro-expressions. That really sold it for me. You had to keep looking for the tiniest of changes. Like I was really excited to see the faces change so much with each word (although the thought of doing this on a longer piece sounds like major pain).

Creativity: A curious tale of immigration and love and loss. I found it strange to ersatz the names, but perhaps that's a reflection that this is a world very similar but different to ours, even if it was hit with a pandemic.

Overall thoughts: This did feel like it could be a tweaking of a personal tale, which is a testament to the potential it had in how "real" it was. With some more polish in the prose, I think this could shine.

Spoilers etc:

Theme: I'm conflicted, in that while this is about literal expansion of the regions, it's also more-so a "humanized" tale refactoring expansion as a relationship tale, but then the relationship is able to be legally impacted, but then we do see the parts about the aftermath. It's a tale about expansion, but expansion is only present as a conceit in an extended metaphor that I thin would have carried over better if the boundaries between the characters as characters and the characters as regions was more firmly defined.

Story: There's a sort of inability to commit to the premise of the work, which is rough when dealing with a work about an extended metaphor. I felt like this conceit was present in many ways throughout the work, which had me not as connected as I could have been, because I kept seeing what were moments of self-indulgence (and while I think it'd be hard to find a conceit that isn't self indulgent when telling a story, that doesn't mean  it's helping make the conceit consistent).

In the initial propaganda advert, Helsinki  provides some characterization to the exposition, albeit in the way that a politician speaking to their constituents does (artificial, not in a way people speak to people), but then the second instance of the map screen is primarily just pure exposition, Helsinki not functioning as a character in that scene. Sipoo isn't even really emotionally present, just regurgitating facts when the second map screen arises. In that function, Sipoo just becomes like a teleprompter, and we're trying to put some emotionality to the elements at hand.

The characterization of Helsinki falls flat for me. She's never able to be fully a character nor fully a region. She says things that are inconsistent with her character (someone posh saying balancussy?). If the house is a means to recognize the affluence of a region (and yet, the characters also travel through said regions to distinct locations within, so then what does the house become then? An abandoned metaphor?), why don't we get invited over to Helsinki's house instead of those dates? She's very Cruella DeVille and other similar disney villains, but without their extensive flair, existing more of a caricature.

The dates themselves aren't quite fully implemented. The voice of the work paints Helsinki as a flat character, a one dimensional villain and sure, those exist, but politicians try to pretend otherwise in their pleas ( at least, they're supposed to not have the mask off). The economy scene was just an extended Lucille Bluth.Arrested Development sort of moment, the movie theatre scene felt more like you advertising your taste in media, the non-sequitur joke date screen undercut the mood of the piece-- for something fought in law and for a relationship, it made light of the situation. I love jokes, but they should work to the tone of the piece, not pull the tone away to rubberband back. The third date didn't even have an outcome, but had Dom propose Sipoo's plan on behalf of Sipoo? I suppose the conceit was that this was already determined as part of the private talks, but then that doesn't really carry over to what happens when people go through these things.

We have commentary on voting, in that a "region" didn't vote for the prime minister-- what does that entail, in this narrative? Is it like the State's electoral votes? Did none of the constituents within vote for that person? The throw-away joke at the "expense" of the prime minister is too close to the material of the work, exploring political events where the political is perhaps the most personal it can get (... the Hetalia mode, of which I don't think really tends to go to actual locations, but exists in more of a metaspace? At least, Denmark Vs the World does which functions in a similar conceit). In a similar vein, what does it mean for a region to have children? Splitting themselves into more sub-regions? I feel like in most political spaces, stuff tends to get absorbed by others, not splinter off if they want to endure.

At times, the prose felt utilitarian to explain the mundanity, but that mundanity was introduced for elements that didn't quite always follow through.

I wonder if some of the characterization could have been restored if the exposition for the map scenes weren't done from Helsinki's primary PoV (like some sort of political advert), but in the guise of Finland, talking about her children (because that's how Finland is broken up, no?) It would have allowed for that judgment of Helsinki, as opposed to Helsinki coming off as explicitly disingenuous. 

---

Story asides: There's a lot of local references that I naturally didn't catch, and that makes sense. I'm not local. The only part where that didn't work with me were as noted before, in that it couldn't decide to be in a more metaphoric space or a more physical space.

Is the Vanta panda joke a commentary on the region? We barely interact with Vanta throughout the work. What it is trying to say with that absurdist joke?

---

Presentation: I think you really stood out here, with your pictures of actual places that were affected by this development. I liked your gag for the nicknaming, but when given a world of open input, I hoped for like a profanity check (albeit that may be hard across multiple languages), given I named Dom Dickhead after playing around with it given the "bullying" re: using the default nickname.

I did like the presentation of the map screens, and the use of transitions, although the font you used made Sipoo look liked SIP(two number zeros). Skinny O's become 0's.

The legalese text was too large, imo. One's eyes naturally slip off that, which means that you have to travel too far to go back to the words that your brain resists (or maybe it's just cuz I'm too close to legalese in my day job that it pains me to see more off work hours).

I don't like that I can't click to advance the text, even if the default text speed is pretty fast.

I thought it was funny you had US calendar dating format.

The first two 

Creativity: Doing a Hetalia-esque rendition of one's local politics is bold, and there were some good uses of animation in your engine to reflect the mood.

I enjoyed your "where are they now" documentary sequence.

Overall thoughts: The idea is fun and interesting, but I think the execution was too muddied for me to be in love. It had too many elements, many conflicting, and a lot of nods to what felt like filmography moments without them necessarily translating into the same contexts.

I wanted to care more for the characters, but they felt flat, because half the time they were explicitly the regions as mouthpieces for politicians, as opposed to characters with agendas, and even then some of the motivation (even if true to real life) was so passive. Metaphor can translate real events into something more, like seeing a flashback to a clandestine meeting between Helsinki and Sipoo instead of just getting another history lesson dump.

By being both a documentary and a sorta rom-com, it wasn't quite perfectly either in ways that pulled against both genres.

I still appreciate the novel attempt, and the curious lesson on Finland politics. An interesting gaze into Purkka's creative PoV.

Spoilers:

Theme:  Other than a big bet size or like... schmooving from being in debt to being open to other options, I'm not seeing it.

Story: While the story is incomplete, I still love me a gambling narrative. As soon as I saw the Biturong was a black suit, that made me think that the rat was gonna be a traitor, so in that regard I wonder if you're perhaps being a bit too overt with the symbolism (he's also the only one that isn't a face card (or better/more flexible (aka Remy)). But that might just be me being more attuned those with my recent Balatro runs :p

I feel like the overt cheating was maybe too soon, but I suppose where one only has "four lives" they have to act soon to reveal it, especially if one can't truly trust their partner in crime.

I guess it's a bit curious how Remy even found either of the two, even if the metric was "look for down on your luck people" how the fuck are you gonna regularly meet those? Trawling the streets? I feel like the usual narrative arc is someone in the gambling games already drags someone down further (which the rat ostensibly does, but if he was to be asked, that comes off as an off-screen activity as opposed to a plea to join) or the desperate goes to the loan shark who points them to something far more predatory (a hard element to escalate past).

It makes sense that the debt collector would point, but not quite so that Remy and Vincent picked the right person (other than narrative convenience)-- were they just prepared to have a pizza party and keep looking if they were wrong, or just ostensibly move on a two-man team (leaving Remy to be in a 1v1v2 with the stranger).

I didn't love the "I was kicked out for being gay" dialogue (as in not a monologue), especially as Jack shows he's not the naive trusting sort like the Nao.Liar Game archetype. He cottons onto the cheating, which makes his open disclosure a bit closer to the patsy archetype, barring his catching of the collusions between the other two (albeit, there's not too many of them to pin the blame on, narratively). Remy's also a bit too trusting of Jack and Vince for someone that's already played before, even if he's trying to be a collaborative cheater.

Narratively, based on your card assigning, I predict Remy would be the final winner again. (High card Ace beats King, Queen and Jack (and obviously four)), and there's not of one suit nor dupe cards to make a proper flush or other hand either.

I think the major issue is this ends too early into the game at this point, while having identified the cheating already.

----

Story aside: How dare you. How dare you be a mahjong hater. Rude. Jail.

----

Presentation: The game isn't too mechanically dense, although it's one of those things where I wonder if it would help a smidgen to just see it further than the diagram (the stacking) to make it clearer for the player. I like how all the marked players have their suits over their heads as well in their name cards, although I find it curious that the Lion gets a crown instead of a repeated suit. You've introduced a fifth suit (and if there were one of those, I'd say those are ostensibly jokers, not a face card), so that was a strange implementation.

Using the otter sprite felt a bit jarring given all the custom ones you used--it may have been enough to not have anyone on screen, especially as I don't expect they'll come back given the lack of suit upon their head. Having them have a sprite gives them more importance, which kind of washes out if they never appear again.

I do appreciate your custom sprites, they're nice looking! Good gambling manga vibes.

Very nitpicky, but I found the cicadas a bit out of place, in that the first distillery image seemed very industrial area (meaning not many trees that they live in) although it made sense in the latter image.

Creativity: I do enjoy my fair share of gambling mangas (Liar Game, Usogui, other ones that I still read even though they were trashy) so this was a treat. Not what I ever expected to see in this space any time soon either, so that was a real joy.

Overall thoughts: Let's go gambling! Aww dangit! Awww dangit! Aww dangit!

I'd be excited to see this continue (and maybe have the pre-gambling game  tinkered a bit with? But that's just me?)

Spoilers following:

Theme: Aough, all the lampshading of the theme to be met with expanding horizons. I guess, I get it, although I enjoyed the other interps along the way.

Story: Very much straightforward "this is how burning man could go if you had a big himbo working the event to go with you". You had me chuckling a lot throughout like the Homo Lobo only being recognizable with his cock out. Interesting that he became super introverted afterwards... I can get going away from like... "con mode", but that felt a bit beyond the measure of transformation? From extroverted to unable to look at the man you fucked like 12 hours ago instead of maybe just being... reserved? 

At the start, prior to you getting in the groove, it felt like you wre telling me too much about the Possy's thought process re his anxiety. I think you could have cut out some of that language, and just let it show implicitly in his actions as opposed to explicitly being acknowledge between him and chloe (that and he seemed to get over it pretty quickly when face to face with a giant cock).

I do appreciate the dehydrated quality to the voice (e.g., desperately thirsty).

Presentation: The fucking spirit floating away. I was almost upset you didn't continue your gag with Chloe being at 40% opacity the rest of the story.

I also wish we had a howling sfx when it was supposed to be howling, but I thoroughly enjoyed the touches you put into the gui and overall presentation. And of course, teh custom artwork.

Creativity: I found it a really fun approach to do burning man framing for the narrative, although I found your comparisons of it to a furry con interesting where was the big himbo to escort me around when i went to a furry con?! pure baloney! :P although I can't say In my limited experience there's as much overwhelming kindness and openness that I hear is attributed to burning man.

Overall thoughts: You're certainly wanting me to escalate my schedule to read Alones, because you're a funny man even above your idiosyncracies with language.

Spoilers to follow:

Theme: Expand your mind is my default guess?

Story: Hmm.... This feels like it would have been better as a story sans visuals, than one with. When we have visuals, I want to see these moments of anxiety. Therapy is very much telling, and I'm staring at people who at most approach or retreat from each other (and occasionally the scenery changes). We don't even get a visual of the sketch.

I feel like it was attempting to hide the twist, but the twist is what guides the convo. I don't even know if he was even a therapist at the end, or if he just knew everything his partner had been through from years of being a partner as was instead some sort of other scientist instead to be chosen to work on this. I think more overt acknowledgements of the framing, even if they point to the twist, would have done more to carry the story along rather than just getting what felt pretty impersonal therapy session barring the overt hints that our "present" character knew the past one.

When one of the characters knows exactly everything about the other one, it kind of lessens the impact of the conversation (because what change will happen for this illusion?), even more so when the other is just like, an accurate capture of the personality at the time. There was no change, in the narrative. It was just a lens to look at to say "I regret not being able to be there for you", which is the real story. It tries to hint at it within, but then it kind of just amounts to a more-interactive vignette of looking at like an old vhs tape or photo or something like that, for me.

It felt pretty intuitive that they were in some relationship at some point, although I couldn't tell what the purpose of this was, in a way that kind of reflected what you said in-universe was a use case-- to connect with someone gone or if this was something else entirely.

Presentation: Nice custom sprites, the music was apt, it was nice how the scenery was changing to reflect the story, but we didn't see the sketch, we didn't see anything that actually happened to our patient. We just had a sorta one-room show. While I liked the Solarpunk seeming inspiration in the aesthetic, the sterile office room felt at odds--I would have expected something outdoors, or at least, more hybrid in space. I think to the Robot & Monk books, where the titular "Monk" does "therapy" via tea ceremonies, which are often outdoors.

Creativity: I enjoyed the premise of a realistic simulation based on lots of data that could be engaged with in a sentient manner (ostensibly for the purpose of therapy).

Overall thoughts:  The execution felt off, for me. Because I didn't see any of these items (and sure, that can happen in these sorts of narratives, but we were in a space where there wasn't even a leadup to the disclosure, it's where they were expected to be shared in that manner), the emotionality behind them didn't quite carry as much. It felt a bit constructed (ha). For all that the narrative admits that "it won't take a (global? or whatever word was used as a prefix here) second", I think we could have had difficulty going into details with the therapist and then we see him at the "next" session (which would support the illusion of the life of the patient), having had another attack and thereby being a bit more receptive to talking about the situation. For someone that was forced into therapy by their mother, he was immediately ready to disclose (which I could say would be attributed to the subconscious similarities between the past and present wolves he crushed on, except the past wolf wasn't even properly in the picture yet).

I think the framing has potential, but where the focus was presented lost me, especially when I've read other visual works (manga/manhua) oriented around therapy/psychology/psychiatry. The weight of doing the therapy session (with someone who won't be able to be receptive to it, given they're a memory ghost) and the "twist" that it was the past husband were at odds with what felt like the agenda of the narrative, to me.

I do however, appreciate the supportive focus of the work, and the attempt to perhaps help those who may not recognize these signs in their own lives.

Spoilers:

Theme: The theme seems to be some mix of expanding the range of the radio & expanding the mindset, I presume?

Story: Hmm. Some nice prose overall. I think you had a good sense for the story you wanted to tell, and the beats rang true to it.

The thing where I waffled about on was Roy failing to have any performative niceness, even in public. In private sure, he's the asshole. Holden's already some sort of "Battered" so he can't quite defend himself, but in public I would have thought there'd be the pretense of being caring, to keep up the masquerade. 

It was also nice that you had the explanation of why Holden even fell into him, because Abbey denoted that he's been shitty all along.

I did squee at the flash forward ending, but it's also very 'perfect' that they married each other. I almost think it would have been nicer if they weren't dating but were best friends. It kinda feeds into the like, "you needed to rebound into someone good" sort of tropey archetype, if that makes sense? "The one person you meet after getting away from your shitty ex is perfect". So much overlapping interests.

Presentation: There were some artifacts in the English version (abbey "interjecting" into roy and holden's text convo, words too large for one of the menus, the untranslated french notes that I wasn't sure what they represented, the silent bits (I don't know if they had to be music, but I think some sort of ambient noise would have been nice).  I appreciated the custom gui efforts though, and the sprites were nice.

Creativity: While I liked your approach to the relationships, and the implementation of the open romance tracking, it also did feel like these were narrative grounds I've tread, especially in this space.

Overall thoughts:  I keep finagling with the points for your ranking, and I think that's a reflection of me having difficulty because you did so well and I'm perhaps nitpicking somethings... which means I should round up, tbh. Good job!

Pregnancy jumpscare....

Hehehe. I didn't hate it, I was just like "this is a very obvious fakeout moment".

Gotta take notes while reading to refer back to for one's textwalls!

Spoilers follow probably:

Theme: Franky, I'm not sure, but I felt like I felt the echo of it in the brief window of the work.

Story: Taking an isekai more literally. I appreciate it . I think you did some interesting things, and I liked a good chunk of your prose, but I don't think we needed the beastman lore info dumps. That felt against the ethos of the work. I feel like the protagonist would tune it out even if it was being told to him, because it's not real.

I feel like it doesn't quite satisfyingly lead up to the conclusion, but I do like teh attempt.

Presentation: This is the one work where I felt that the silence was diegetically chosen, outside of the sfx, and I appreciated that choice. I also liked your custom art.

Creativity: I appreciated your take on the isekai narrative, and thought it felt comparatively fresh, albeit I don't know how I felt about the hallucinations being valid/the root cause. I enjoyed that satire of the "culturally unaware" greeting.

Overall thoughts: Interesting approach, that I think needed a little more time in-universe to reach teh payoff it wanted to approach, probably with nodding to the genre pre-requisites with some time prior to the isekai, and more time in the isekai (or at least, swap the info dump for something else).

terse, short attempt. Well done.

Spoilers.

Theme: I don't know if i saw it.

Story: Well done. This feels like it could be a proper short story, ready for submission to a magazine with some additional tinkering and adjustments. I think we don't have enough time for the ending to pay off-- either we need  to get to the relationship quicker, or we need more time regarding the relationship to make the "love" resonate further.

Still, I felt like this had some tight prose, and you understood the overall pacing and scope needed for a work this short, which I very much appreciated as someone that writes a lot of flash fiction (shout out to apex who still hasn't let me win a month yet :P)

Presentation: The song you chose fit the mood, but you went a bit spartan overall. It fit the needs, but you had like "hovering sprite" syndrome. I also don't know if I got "bunker" from that stairwell and other elements, barring like rich person bunker AND/OR Life is Strange murder pit (the dark room.)

Creativity:  I appreciate your tale, a quick poignant exploration of being haunted and death.

Overall thoughts: Great attempt, although my only caveat is I don't know if it fully cared about the form of the medium, even if your prose was doing great work for me in the brief window of time.

Spoilers follow:

Theme: You didn't have to say expanded worldview (especially as it doesn't feel too present yet if one doesn't engage with being nice with the macro). Macro is enough, even if you made it into attack on titan/some pacific rim?

Story: Okay, this is maybe me, but I was laughing at the narrative more than I was buying into it. The dramatic death scene felt comical to me.

The prose felt utilitarian overall, telling me what was happening without giving me a chance to experience it.

The cow was inconsistently southern, which made me feel he should always be more southern, or have that quirk removed.

DON'T DRAW ATTENTION TO THE SQUARE CUBE LAW GIVEN THAT MACROS CAN'T EXIST UNDER IT. YOU'RE PUNCHING A HOLE IN YOUR NARRATIVE BY POINTING TO IT.

----

Story aside: Is the implication of the ancient wolf hunters that this is universe with the feral to anthro pipeline? Or is it just a roundabout way of saying "my ancestors were closer with nature and hunting and whatever"?

----

Presentation:  Some things ended up unintentionally funny, like the jump up the screen onto the snout, as opposed to it being like an up and over sort of movement. There were I think missed opportunities for SFX, Peppekez.... like the running.

The backgrounds didn't perfectly mesh with the narrative in the forest section-- the view of the mountain on the head didn't match to the prior screen of the open clearing onto the head.

I did appreciate the stone woofing, and the good use of the full body though.

Creativity: Not the attack on titan with the two blades. Aough. I did like them waking up from their long time slumber though, and it's amusing how you went fully macro amongst the other size-queens of the game jam.

Overall thoughts: Surprisingly funny, although I don't know if that was the intent. 

Spoilers etc.

Theme: Mentioning expanding knowledge? Meh. Using it as a mechanic for XBC2 and the additional wolf catalogue? Sure, I think that's working.

Story: Sweetie, you took too much from XBC2 that it left out your own voice outside of like the unagi notes. I kept saying during every fight "we don't need this". We don't need the XBC2 play by play hit by hit mechanics explanations. I think having briefer fights with a larger focus on the emotional why of the fight w/o the mechanics could have carried across what you wanted, let you get to where you wanted in the plot instead of what felt like filler moments, and still let you explore what you wanted to explore narratively.

As it was, I wanted to skip every fight. They felt very long with the minimal control I had over them. The only lets plays I watch are like randomizers, and that's sparingly. This doesn't even have any additional meta commentary, it's people playing XBC2 but I can't play it myself.

I think you were too enthused with your idea that you forgot you didn't have to go so literal in the adaptation. It was cute to have them present, and I enjoyed your notes in the encyclopedia, because those felt closer to your own voice rather than you echoing the beats of XBC2. The bunny was what, Morag-esque?

It was nice that you wanted to give all the characters voices (and I definitely giggled at the Futurama French dead language gag), but that also brought the narrative to a screeching halt as they all had something to interject all the time, or alternatively were just functioning not unlike the game as  things to move the plot along (field skills, etc etc.).

---

Story asides: If each wolf has a bit of amicus in them, could it be said that the more amicus in them, the closer to six stars? Because that would ring true for Lobo, to be a much as an anti 'my wolf' as he could be while still existing in the conversation :p

And huh, no cooper allowed. Smh. What fame will do to someone /s

---

Presentation: Mazels on doing all that art. You put a lot of your heart into this, and I liked the animations you did, even if they were probably lagging things up.

I get the pixellation was to like, make the presence of all the blades less noisy,  but like... that was still visually noisy and confusing as to why they were pixelated and clear in the wolf encyclopedia. I would have preferred it be closer to XBC2 in that regard, where only one per person is out, even though you wanted to give them all affection with some screen time. That works more in XBC2 because that game is a JRPG and has moments for spotlight spread out overtime, as opposed to like 1/1000th of the time of a work where you're cramming screentime together constnatly.

Also, the basketball looked like a rotating cock :sob:.

The font had one big issue, which was the "s" looked like "e" so many times i'd do a quick double take as they were too close at any size. Ooofoie.

Creativity: As someone that liked Heinlein's "Number of the Beast" more than he probably should, I appreciated the extended my wolf universe, but in another facet it felt very like XBC2 fanfiction except mirroring the beats with new chars. I think it could have been more of your voice if you strayed away from sticking so closely to the combat.

Overall thoughts:  I like your motive of a sort of tribute to "My Wolves", and appreciate the love you put for everyone who you contacted, but you got too lost in the sauce of your parody? appreciation? for XBC2 that it pulled away from a story only Unagi could tell.

No, no, not critical at all!

Crap, I didn't even think about that (in honesty, that wasn't really intended to be an outright jumpscare but just matching the sfx to the content ).

Let me edit at least the game page a loud noises warning/advise to lower the sound volume right now (because no game editing).

It's a very fair suggestion, and sorry that you got blasted with the high-volume screech. Hope you're doing better still by the time of my post.

Spoilers you know the drill.

Theme: You were one of the few who went literal, and in that regard, you've currently stood out (comparatively), so props for that. A very literal interpretation, but one that is obvious on sight.

Story: Short tale of relationship angst and third party facilitating confession, with some silly fourth wall breaks. I think you hit what you were aiming for.

Presentation: I think you did pretty good with your filtering and manipulation of the sprites for your goal, well done. Your music choices felt pretty appropriate, as I noted them all.

Creativity: Not as experimental as last year, but still an exercise in creativity all the same.

Overall thoughts: It's a short snack, and overall well constructed. You hit what you set out to do.  Good job. I definitely snorted at the May Human and related content.

Spoilers etc etc.

Theme: While I do feel you were more explicit in your more abstract interp of the theme, it feels like that expansion was mostly off screen, done inbetween the passages of time.

Story: A curious tale of a friendship. I thought your poetry breaks were quite curious. I liked how at least that first one felt like some measure of form poem (which would be appropriate with the cultural narrative going on), albeit that didn't seem to be maintained throughout.

I thought it was nice how you presented they could communicate after quickly introducing the possibility otherwise.

It was nice to see some polished poetry, albeit I think that may have been a good moment to either mute the audio or pick a different track for those moments to let the poetry speak above the music.

I felt like the apology felt a bit weighted too much on one side at the end, but I think that's probably true to life, in that regard.

Presentation: Your sprites were refreshing stylistically, and I think you used the repeating environments well, although I think maybe like a filter or something to help reflect the passing of time/seasons would have enhanced them just a bit futher.

Creativity: I liked your bold choice to bring in the poetry scenes, and your cultural clash with the individual acting as a sort of metonomy for all lir's people, even if that's unjust of a comparison to make.

Overall thoughts: Nice job on your work! It was punchy, short and impactful. I appreciated the PoV you put out with this work, and thought it was one that wasn't always well explored in this space. Well done again.

Spoilers follow, etc etc.

Theme: The tower being very big and hard to navigate?

Story: Mutual unrequited love + curse. 

I didn't love starting with the expositional world building. Some of it was pointing to things that sounded like they would be more interesting than revisiting this tower barring the handsome woof trapped in side.

Frankly, I'm not the biggest fan of the voice of more classical works, which I think you do like and carry forward with you. It felt out of place with the tale, as that felt like a more modern harlequin novel standby, as opposed to the buffoonery of something like Far From the Madding Crowd, or other works that were contemporary with it (what else could I call it other than such when one uses divination to send the most eligible bachelor in town a letter saying "marry me"?), and in that, it made the voice feel discordant with the narrative, for me.

Just because it's "fantasy" it doesn't have to be archaic/medieval in all conventions. You mentioned physics and in the same breath had people saying "Damnation". 

I liked the attempt to take the curse onto the self, although I don't know if I feel very convinced that it should have fully abated with the mirror's shattering, given the difficulty in removing it from the (insert-name-here protagonist). It would have made more sense to me if the affliction was shared between the two, given it was an echo of the original, and in that, I think you could have progressed to a more satisfactory ending other than "I failed to do what I wanted due to external forces and not being brave enough and then selling away my desire to say so to abate my suffering".

It's also a bit nebulous why the curse kicks in there, given he's like "I can seldom revisit places, especially ones that exist away from usual space time"--why does it partially work there? Just revisiting itself already seems like a lot, and two day windows at a time doesn't seem like a great amount of bonding in prior visits, especially if one day is just dedicated to being examined or passing out from the fatigued life of the road.

I suppose we're suppose to engage with the idea of a sort of "distance makes the heart fonder" in that both of them are constantly thinking about the other, but the protagonist again pines about some of the wild travels he goes through nonetheless.

It felt like it was afraid to commit to the implications of the shared curse and how that would inform the ending, by discovering a new rule of the curse out of nowhere (that seemingly the mighty magician couldn't possibly fathom before in any capacity?), and I think having that shared tether would have made the fear of not seeing one another again more poignant-- "I can't stay here lest I hurt you too. Of course you wouldn't want to see me again. i stole away another place where you could rest" etc etc. The reaching for "you want me to leave because I hurt myself" doesn't quite work as a logical conclusion, for me.

---

Story asides: Cursed mark? Alright naruto fan.

Gizmo feels out of place, especially in light of the more archaic tongue of the piece (the first known use seems to be in the 1940's per my googling of the etymology). I think there are other similar terms you could have used that wouldn't feel so "artificial".

---

Presentation: The first bit pops off very hard in a pseudo-comic format, and then it transitions into still lovely sprite work. It's a bit curious to do that instead of like, spreading the cgs more throughout.

The custom music felt very appropriate, and I appreciated all the transitions, and the woof was cute in any form he took (cg or sprite).

I didn't quite get why he took off his coat given he was in the tower already, but it wasn't like I was upset to see his arms :p

Creativity: I feel like this felt afraid to commit to explore further, especially in having a boy fail protagonist (at least, he felt like that to me). I think maybe some explicit application of the theme might have found a way to carve out more space.

Overall thoughts: A cute story with a lot of effort put into it (i was really impressed with the cgs, transitions, cutes sprite, etc), but the narrative has both some clunky wording (for me) and focus. It  didn't feel like it sufficiently resolve the tension in what I think is a matter that goes towards where the work was aiming, but delays it with a half smile and avoidance of the "promise" of suffering at the start.

Spoilers follow, etc etc,.

Theme: Expansion of the business and the physical form. Very evident. Yay!

Story: Enjoyable quick romp, equal parts romance and business, with a hint of living up to expectations.  The porny fakeout on the second day was perhaps too obvious that it wasn't porn, by merit of where it fell in the narrative. I wonder if it would have felt more effective if it was on the third day, where they'd gotten even further closer still. 

Enjoyed the classic Ghost-esque donut sculpting scene. A classic setup.

You know what you're setting out to do, and you follow that to the natural conclusion, a fun one at that. I didn't test for making things worse, but who wants to. That's not as funny.

His expansion rate is a bit unbelievable, as it the fact he started off that skinny, but I can quickly look past those given they were your means of implementing the theme in part.

Overall enjoyable quick smutty romp though!

Presentation: The arms on the non-expanded sprite feel out of place, which makes sense, as they tie in the most at the largest frame. I think it would have been nicer if they started off smaller. The head also felt maybe a bit too small for the sprite at the end, but that may just be me (who is not an artist).

The music for the smut scene felt a bit out of place (and didn't start immediately), and I was a bit gutted we didn't see the backside, although I was pleased with the cg you put together. I also may have wanted one more view of the foodtruck, facing out the customers, if only to mix it up a little, but that wasn't a major thing.

Creativity: In a way you went outside of the box against the majority of this jam by directly embracing the theme in a more literal sense, while also tying it into a more figurative sense.

Overall thoughts: Enjoyable, sweet, cute art! No major gripes. Well done!

Spoilers Follow:

Theme: I don't know if I'm seeing it. The conceit seems to be more about concealing information and the obfuscation of intrigue.

Story: There's not enough here yet, is the frank answer. What's here currently is amusing, albeit it feels like it may have been spread a bit too widely for anticipation of the future scope, with the branching choices potentially influencing further matters to come.

The premise reminds me of the old internet shit-post where it's a reality tv show but "15 gay men enter... but one is secretly straight???" except they're all straight and playing gay chicken the whole time to win the money.

It's interesting to see the first elim sans the other contestants. It feels like you're utilizing the limitations of your assets by batching them, in part.

I did enjoy your characterization of the contestants. Really carved out the archetypes reality tv loves.

Presentation: I appreciate you having the sound indicators. I thought it was an interesting stylistic choice to only have music when the show was filming, albeit I don't know if I felt like there should still have been music elsewhere, and just have had the show only had one theme song instead throughout to signify that it was to represent that? Maybe if the work went longer I'd notice the silence more.

I liked how you used NVL mode to kinda infodump/note background information. It made it feel kind of like the reality tv show where you get the name & role moments.

Also appreciate your title screen animatic.

Creativity: Murder on a reality tv show where the bachelor(ette) has their gender obscured. Curious enough! Always a fun premise. Also always funny to have an early opt-out ending.

Overall Thoughts: I thing the main thing is what others have already noted-- there wasn't enough of a narrative yet. The premise has promise, but there's not enough to latch onto, and it kind of zooms quickly into the game show (and we learn things that the protag ostensibly already knows after they already know them). The pacing might be a bit askew, but hard to say without more.

I did want to continue further though, so that's a good sign :p.

Best of luck on your further work with this!

Spoilers follow:

Theme: You name drop it in that it's an expanding of the horizons, albeit I can't help but think narratively you undercut that in part given how much of the discourse between the two new friends is built upon a pre-existing shared interest (as opposed to a new one for both of them, if that makes sense).

Story: Cute tale of new friendship, although I had no idea what age they were for the longest time. I felt like I was getting mixed messages, but that may just be me. Living at home with parents but having their own car but working the 9-5 but not having much money but being able to reliably buy games on the reg and own a video game console-- I felt like they were pre-college until it was confirmed this was only weekend activity barring the departure day.

As much as I do love a good Ersatz, there were so many, and I wasn't sure what they were pointing back to, so that lost me in the mirrored specificity. If it was all meant to be within-universe, then it's nice that they all know what these specific elements are, but our knowledge isn't the same, so that makes the scenes bogged down in second-hand tellings of "so and so" is cool. The ersatz points back to the original with a nod and a wink, as a sort of foundation. W/o that foundation, I was a bit adrift.

I didn't like how they initially forced the two into a 1-on-1 convo. I think it would have been fine if they periodically chimed in. These were two strangers. Help make it easier for your friends to become friends.

I was also a bit thrown off by calling things dates, but then it felt like a burgeoning crush, and having the sort of rom-com ice skating moment. It felt kinda like the narrative wasn't certain whether it was supposed to just be friendship or the start of a romance.

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Story Aside: What does it mean, that there are pet cats in this universe, and that the wolf took umbrage at being called at a cat when he was a "dog"? What does it mean for the two to be on a similar scale species-wise, albeit one isn't sapient like the other?

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Presentation: I appreciate the CGs you made, the music choices felt apt for the mood, and I liked how you worked that hug into existence. It didn't feel like they were just mashed together (to me) based on the posing and spacing you chose.

Creativity: It's nice to get a non-romantic oriented relationship piece in this space. That usually doesn't tend to be the case.

Overall Thoughts: A sweet tale that got a bit lot in the sauce when it came to how the characters bonded in a way that was recognizable from the outside, but didn't speak to the same depth of specifics to cling onto and make the connections that were? weren't? there.

Well done, nonetheless!

Thank you! I appreciate it!