ragmaan

Spoilers:

Theme: Themen't.

Story: Lots of funny one liners, but this was mainly one part a parody of tennis ace, one part jokes towards? with? for? Choky. (also because tennis ace?)

I suppose it's doing well in what it's trying to do as a shitpost, but shitposts aren't quite long form media, even for the longest of youtubepoops.

You also made the bull Otis from the Barnyard tv show/movie?

Presentation: You used the camera well overall, and I loved my son, Aoba, with his realistic head, but some things were askew like the macaroni sex noises at the start that failed to line up with the dialogue, or pasting a link to an image for us to see at the end.

Creativity: There's always creativity in shitposting, but there's also only so much room if one stays too close to the inspo.

Overall Thoughts: As a shitpost goes, 5/5. As an overarching story/game? I can't be that generous. Your mpreg is noted and appreciated though.

Ugolino in the Tower jam comments · Posted in Ugolino in the Tower jam comments

Spoilers:

Theme: Not quite present.

Story: I'm not sure how I feel. A lot feels very expository in this setup, amongst some punchy lines. I don't know how much I buy into the necessity of the pup play (even with the symbolic parallels in your using it as a foil for being a werewolf as a sort of presentation performativity/identification of the 'true self'). It feels more comical than anything else, which is a curious clash against the tone of the work for me. Like it feels meant to be commentary on how we are perceived/want to be perceived, but in the same breath Nino is barking out endless daddies and is driving the relationship (more like father son play than pup play, i guess? which is even funnier with the lampshaded age difference) and that makes it difficult for me to take him serious when he says anything at all (but in all fairness, others may not have the same issue).

We also end before we get anywhere, with just a lot of build-up, layers upon layers of worldbuilding and we come out with like 5 key items( and maybe a shared sub item):

1. Our protagonist hates being a werewolf.
1a/2a. He fears dying young due to being a werewolf, and not living a proper life due to being a werewolf.

2. Werewolves die young.

3. There's a secret supernatural world.

4. Our protag hates his brother and will do anything to get to him.

5. His brother's left a trail along the way, his past discarded in more ways than one.

I guess I'm unsure of whether our protagonist is even meaningfully upset his parents died? He seems more in awe at their untimely expiration and that their lives were so short, glossing over their deaths with the Kitsune (who was also a fae? that's a curious arrangement, not quite what traditional fae are like, especially when you were borrowing from other japanese folklore with the nezumi). He didn't quite seem angry at them either for obscuring being mostly(?) natural-born werewolves, or at least, obscuring what was going on with the brother, or favoring the brother, but rather just being jealous of Ugo, which isn't an impossible metric, but it makes me wonder more who our protagonist is that he seems indifferent (or at least, ambivalent?) all the same in spite of his heated feelings for his brother.

Presentation: You've found some top notch assets and arranged (and edited) them masterfully. I know how hard it is to find assets, and you scouted furiously, it seems, to find items that really fit your mood, and it does pay off. Even the font is great, and that's ANOTHER thing that takes endless effort to find a suitable one.

Even the little bursts of "CGs", the quick flashes of drawma, show great scripting.

Creativity: Urban fantasy + revenge. Time tested classics.

Overall thoughts: Given that this is so much of a build-up to a story rather than a story itself, I'm kinda left wanting. Your presentation is fantastic, but the narrative as it stands so far is a promise, and a promise alone requires a lot to really push ahead.

---

Siebar: The short story I think of off the top of my head as a comparison that functions as a sort of promise (that was built into a full novel) doesn't appear to have any online copy to point to lol. (For context, it's Ava Wrestles the Alligator, which then got built out into its own work as Swamplandia--god, I wish I spill stories like her.)

---

Like what it stands for shows promise, but as it currently is, it's an incomplete story, one that I have trouble staying within. I felt like I learned more about what the protagonist didn't know, then about the protagonist when we had so many things to react to. A sort of outline of what he wasn't, and while in a way that defines him, the image I got wasn't clear enough to fill in the space. Maybe even more so bout the brother than himself, which is another curious way to define him.

It's very much a queer story (the incurable disease (reminiscent of the HIV crisis), the rejection of the self, the untimely demise, the literal kink community within) and yet we also have other supernatural beings that don't seem to have the same limitations, which kind of pulls it away from that othering (to me). They exist in the same space-- it's the supernatural community, not the werewolf community. Do they have their own health limitations? The rabbit seems to live freely, as does the kitsune and bartender. The werewolves have an actual built in-limitation (of which the kitsune seems to suggest that trying to seal away things isn't the answer, and yet that feels like sort of the xmen third movie paradigm of "Woman with really awesome powers says there's nothing wrong with being a mutant" whereas "woman who can kill everyone she loves in a touch and never know their embrace wishes to be "normal", if that makes any sense.

A message can be true, but the preponderance of evidence suggests the full moon, eg. a full embrace, would lead to a lack of sanity, and that it's right to not try and embrace the othering state. And then I'm back to kinda of wondering where this extended metaphor stands, and what the incompleteness obscures that perhaps the full narrative would be able to capture.

And while what may come would likely be enjoyable if crafted with the same care, what's currently present isn't the same as what it promises to become.

Maywolf Mysteries jam comments · Posted in Maywolf Mysteries jam comments

Spoilers:

Theme: Vore expansion?

Story: I like the implementation of Vore as a mechanic for the murder mystery, and it was a fun explanation and series of discovery to get to the point. Very on-genre.

The part where I struggled with (which is mostly personal, mind you. People's relationship with humor is personal) is the constant zingers. It felt like everything was at the same level the whole time. I needed some variation-- some more moments of sincerity (if only briefly) to make the jokes pop harder. Or at least, the guise of sincerity, even if we can laugh at the thought of being sincere over something silly.

You have a way with humor, but I felt like I just was rammed into joke after joke after joke with no time to breathe.

Everyone's voices also felt kinda similar overall to me (which is perhaps part of my confusion for who was speaking) because it didn't feel like there was even a "straight man". (Comedy straight man, not hetero straight man.)

Presentation: No music, and I got confused with who was speaking the whole time given the irregularity of the expressions? And I think we could have had like... the sprite of the deceased rotated into a giant water tank-- that would have been funny, as opposed to the void.

Or like having the door closed before opening it to the scene, instead of the same hallway throughout-- I was initially confused why they were speaking sans sprites.

Creativity: Vore as a mechanism to help faciliate a murder? Honestly? Slay. Well done. I thought it was either like... nested vore (how did he get up to the room? In someone else's stomach) or finding the stashed body to then deposit at the room (also by vore) instead of it being used as an alibi.

Overall Thoughts: I enjoyed the overall conceit, but I personally had a bit of difficulty following who was saying what the entire time. I still appreciate your contribution to the may wolf game jam, and your wild idea for what it meant to have a vore mystery. I salute you!!!

The Greener Side jam comments · Posted in The Greener Side jam comments

Spoilers:

Theme: Expanded worldview.... I guess, but he already seemed to be pretty aware of what was going on, on the other side (from having already talked to the wolf).

Story: One part "reconcile" with family, one part isekai. I'm a sucker for isekai in that I read too much of them, as mediocre as many of those mangas are... but this was pretty cute. Reminded me of Gate.

I think you did pretty well at what you were setting out to do, but your reconciliation scene didn't resonate for me given we didn't have a "before" to compare it to. We needed a prior level to compare the resolution to, imo.

I'm not sure how I feel about the "sequel" bait in the bigger scope ending, but I guess it's on brand. The main issue is perhaps a lot of the time was spent on "yes it is isekai, but here is how it is different" which is cute but pulls away from the narrative you were trying to tell (at least, the short one of family bonds prior to the librarian scope creep).

Presentation: What you did have, I liked, like the really small wolf moving from side to side, and the music you picked felt mostly appropriate, but there was a lot of gaps of music, and a lot of broken images (and I think it woul have been nice to see the pixie too).

Creativity: Psychometry-esque power is always fun, as is isekai subversions, although isekai subversions are still so mainstream at this point that you rounded back to mainstream, but I won't hate too much in that regard.

Overall thoughts: I would enjoy reading more, although that may be because I'm a sucker for isekais, but It was still enjoyable and the character banter was pleasant and did betray a sort of cultural blending of the two worlds.

If the presentation's major gaps were fixed, I think this would be a very enjoyable romp (although I don't know about the sequel bait/continuation ending so much for me).

A Rebound From MARS! jam comments · Replied to Kraaj in A Rebound From MARS! jam comments

Not you forcing me into the room of "Feet pics" discourse... delightfully devilish, Kraaj.

RIP Harmony jam comments · Posted in RIP Harmony jam comments

SPoilers:

Theme: Saying the theme in one moment does not quite make a theme.

Story: Performative live-action movie date for their friend (who they forced in as part of the scene). Very brief, with no time to breath with fourth wall breaks that didn't fit within the pre-existing structure (whether through Misery (the real Draky?) or the characters themselves commenting on it?) Unless that narrator was also supposed to be Misery but then why was Misery also the narrator in those moments?

It felt very much like those 3d model videos of the man and the woman only speaking gen z slang, but inconsistently at that. I suppose it does align very truthfully with what their poorly thought out narrative would be, but that doesn't quite make it interesting to read a hodgepodge narrative.

The thing that's missing compared to those videos is how they commit to the awful bit, where this one keeps pulling back and undercutting itself, as though not confident in the idea (and then we felt not confident in what the story was telling us because the story kept telling us that things were going wrong (which sure, but for stuff that felt primarily imagined(?), that creates false stakes of wrong vs real wrong stakes to latch onto).

Presentation: I appreciated your dragon scene, and your attention to the details throughout, although the black abyss and the attempt to lampshade the "Funny moments music"... I'm not sure if they did you any favors.

Also wild to not even allow for music volume to be adjusted lol.

Your narrative made lots of items feel disjointed, even if authentically necessary within the narrative, which made the accompanying presentation also feel disjointed at times.

Creativity: Well, trying to replicate the vibe of like teenagers performatively doing an extensive tiktok and not being well rounded enough at absurdist humor to really sell it is a wild take, and I applaud your ambition.

Overall thoughts: I came out feeling wanting. I wonder if we had more time and more consistent through lines if I'd be more on board with the premise, as opposed to the story consistently interrupting itself.

the Canis Convalescence jam comments · Posted in the Canis Convalescence jam comments

Spoilers etc:

Theme: Not sure, tbh. Space colonizing?

Story: Kinda just like three visits to the criminals to go "you know, you weren't so entirely bad" and them going "that doesn't make me good" followed by "You're kinda hot" with different timings. I do appreciate having the "no romance won" ending tho, and the other false endings too.

The narratives felt very adapted from whatever source material inspired the two wolves (is true conifer supposed to be a MGS solid ref? I can't tell insomuch as I don't know those games very well... big boss?) and those similar plot beats kinda had them feeling very similar in the end, barring one being more forward/flirty than the other.

Essentially our pov character felt pretty replaceable, which is perhaps the thing that was missing to force them to have different convos-- they could have had those convos with anyone who gave them a spare second.

Presentation: I appreciate the custom sprites & occasional custom backgrounds, but having no audio at all was tough, and some of the backgrounds felt too small or out of place for the setting (like plane seats on the spaceship?)

Creativity: Ersatzing famous characters as prisoners is interesting, I'll say that much.

Overall thoughts: Nice attempt, but there were some glaring holes (mostly the no audio) and the sort of standard approach on both sides that left it feeling a bit more like a vignette than a story. Just an experiment in mood, but without all the necessary modifiers in place.

the Canis Convalescence jam comments · Posted in the Canis Convalescence jam comments

Spoilers etc:

Theme: Not sure, tbh. Space colonizing?

Creativity: Ersatzing famous characters as prisoners is interesting, I'll say that much.

A Rebound From MARS! jam comments · Posted in A Rebound From MARS! jam comments

Spoilers:

Theme: expanded world view or growth or something for the alien (and I guess growing out of the hearache for Xander).

Story: A sort of ET tale but with romance. The alien crash, the jilted lover, the govt agents. If anything, I think my issue was that there was too much, if only partially that the rebound romance felt bad to me.

There was so much of the "i don't know my own emotions" (copied from Xander's emotions at that) from Wesley, followed by the spur stuck in his foot scene (which Xander noted he last had that happen as a child) that made any sort of romantic feelings for Wesley feel out of place barring his shapeshifting abilities, for me. Like initially smelling Hikaru on him as a sort of lure. And so much of Xander's mind was like... used to form Wesley-- for all the talk of mpreg, it made Xander feel like Wesley's father... barring the kissing which felt wrong.

Wesley felt so much like a child, to me. It's so curious that they're a spacefaring species but without any sort of imagination, which I feel is like, contrary to at least our worldview. So much of our science is sought out for on the back of dreams of impossible realities and childhood stories of unknown worlds. It's so alien (ha!) that it kind of makes that pursuit of knowledge also seem unreasonable to me. To know for the sake of knowing and then an expansion into feelings? So fresh? Like a newborn mind, of sorts.

(Even the small footpads compared to the hands only served to reinforce that feeling-- i'd expect bipedal beings to have like some measure of larger feet than hands, but the two were the same size-- an adults hand's can fit a child's feet, as though the presentation itself was saying that Wesley was young).

So much of this you framed with the background of movies, in that I wonder if you trapped yourself in those conventions, where so much can happen with that can fall apart if one questions the time it took to get to that point. Like the ending-- Xander didn't matter b efore, but they heard the alien say he would come back for him. Congrats, imprisoned for life to await for their return!

Or how was he moving with a spinal injury? It's not completely out of the window, but it was a pretty violent injury if the spine was like... out of alignment that much. I don't know how he even managed tog et back to Wesley with that sort of wound-- at least Wesley's support meant that he had some external force to carry him along?

Or how was he going to marry Hikaru if the man was brazen enough to go to an orgy and think he could be taken back? His sister too kind to say "i told you so?" after being mad at him the day after? (Or to pivot back, how could Wesley understand that Xander loved Hikaru, but not those own complex feelings of the self at that point?) There's only the nice portrayal with the flashback, but that rings sort of false after seeing the scene at teh cabin and knowing Xander was stood up, like there should have been red flags he ignored all along to get to that point.

Presentation: I loved all the little moments you did throughout, lie the constellation, or the hands reaching out with stars in them, and yes, everyone's favorite footpads too.

There were a few moments where I thought there could sfx were there weren't (like how you had it for one crash of glass and not the other), and other than the ambience and over-prevalanece of purple, I think you did a great job with these.

(I didn't love how Wesley was a silhouette and then not one-- was that something with the naked sprites? To try and keep it SFW?) I would have rather seen ken doll nudity or a blur--I was spending too much time wondering if he was supposed to look alien only for you to describe him as seemingly normal while he was still a sillhouette.

Creativity: Rebound rom com x ET/Iron Giant/Whatever other films there are with alien friends... alf? lol

Overall thoughts: A great job, very shaped by the films that were alluded to throughout the work, although I think if the narrative took it away from the romance (and thereby cut some of those other scenes which were to build up to the those emotional moments) then that other sort of emotionality would have paid off more. That, or make Wesley feel less like a child (to me :sweat:), to make it allowable that Xander could fall for him outside of Hikaru's pheremones lingering due to Wesley taking a form most "suitable" for Xander.

But others may not have the same qualms, ya know? Art is subjective <3

Now i have to remember to look at your other works after I recover from may wolf overdosing.

Replay Video jam comments · Replied to JMJerbear in Replay Video jam comments

Real, working with someone else on a team is indeed a pleasure haha. Even one more lifts a burden.

One More Light VN jam comments · Posted in One More Light VN jam comments

Spoilers:

Theme: Expanding knowledge of teh world? I guess?

Story: I liked your swing, but I felt like you missed in part.

There weren't any levels in the depths of Mikkel's angst (and sure, that makes sense) but we go from depressed at party to depressed at lake to memories of family angst to depressed to depressed. You kept telling me in flowery language how much the boy was suffering.

It's not perhaps an unfaithful telling of like depression, albeit maybe not for the suicide (I do believe it's common that it's said the day an attempt is made, those who attempt feel at peace, because they have something to hold onto (and it seems like they day they come out the most from underneath the depressive fog)). And yet, we spent a good chunk reiterating the same pain.

I liked the intrusive thoughts (and then the positive intrusive thoughts) displayed when getting rejected from university. (Grad school? It seemed like Uni which made Mycroft's interest in Mikkel at the end there a bit oof for me).

I was a bit surprised he had room for that flower depths of prose, is what I was cynically thinking. It made sense for the narrator at the start (although I didn't love that (i did like the spider in the web, and the message, but I didn't love the sort of preachy "you have one life to live bit" (but maybe others liked that more))), given that's more of an authorial voice, but Mikkel already seemed exhausted-- creative turning of phrases is another item that people point to as fading away in the depths of depression (a sort of muted mind).

The genre shift was curious-- I'm wondering if Mikkel already had his fate changed once as a child, and thus the second time around is what fucked stuff up enough for Lady Death to get pissed, albeit it happening felt abrupt, and out of nowhere. (How did Mycroft even find him? Just walking around, always looking and then bam, used his shinigami eyes to see that Mikkel wasn't going to survive the day?)

The puzzle wasn't too difficult, I just didn't know what Mycroft wanted sans hint. The screen is a grocery store and we just talked about being trailed, so I mentioned groceries visible on the screen or other aisles/the trailing.

I did enjoy Mycroft's voice a lot more, so while the shift was abrupt, I wasn't outright upset. Just confused.

Presentation: You ate here. My only thought was during the guitar scene, you said that the word faded away-- make it actually happen by blurring the background while playing instead of telling us.

I also didn't love the lengthy pauses (that you purposefully chose) and the no-waits/redos (that you purposefully chose) but your vision was very clear in those and it made sense in the moment.

I appreciated your tinkering with size of text, guis, twisting words around, etc. You do like to make use of the full engine.

Creativity: Urban fantasy god proxy war & slice of life depression quest is an interesting combination.

Overall thoughts: Nice stuff, although this felt more like a vehicle to launch the former rather than being a full game-jam oriented entry. I think the early focus got a bit misplaced, perhaps because we were too far in the protagonist's head, making all the disclosures of feeling depressed somehow feel less important with the sheer repetition of them.

Still, I think you told an interesting story and that people will be lining up to see the rest of it. Well done again!

Pursuit jam comments · Posted in Pursuit jam comments

Spoilers:

Theme: Expanding worldview or something?

Story: One part the writer looking for inspiration, one part a horny hookup, one part the story to an action movie where the normal everyday man is pulled in by being in at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I think ending with what's the beginning to a larger narrative kinda blueballs the work--I think you would have maybe been better served with like, Colton abandoning the protagonist in the hotel overnight (with a note perhaps).

I think your smut was well done though.

The voice is pretty consistent overall, and the tension is ever present.

Presentation: Okay, there's a lot of small things that add up here.

No music.

Misattribution of dialog tags that should have been caught beta testing.

Backgrounds that don't get replaced when tehy should.

Describing things we can see on the screen without enough flavor changes.

I appreciated the custom sprites and backgrounds when appropriate, but when we're seeing them past when we should it makes them stand out for the wrong reasons.

Creativity: It feels like the start of an action movie, although the pacing is a bit off. Writers on writing though... aough. Still a fun conceptual romp.

Overall Thoughts: With some smoothing of the rough edges and another pass, this could be pretty good, but there's a lot of missed opportunities like no jazz music playing in a jazz club (let alone any music at all).

Also ending with the start of the bulk of the narrative is a good trailer tease, but not quite for a stand alone work.

Solid attempt though.

Replay Video jam comments · Posted in Replay Video jam comments