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 I'm sorry it seemed the novel didn't strike a chord with you. Was excited to see your reaction to it a lot but... Yeah. Anyways, to address some of the issues, I really don't know how else I could've framed it. It was mostly supposed to be a retrospective on a life snuffed out and Memento being present as Mori dies I think would've had some logistical issues like does everyone get a reaper that appears before you before you die or other stuff that I think would've overcomplicated the kind of story I wanted to convey. And, I would like clarification on the second part about Mori's second death being less poignant? I don't understand this section because Mori died once, and psychopomps are beings that take the spirit to the after. It is a "second death" in some sense but it was more the erasure of Mori's soul and consciousness. His first death the erasure of his physical being, the second himself. 

As for the last part, Memento and Mori never had a genuine romantic relationship like long time partners would. It was, a fleeting moment of intimacy between a being that's experiencing it for the first time and a man who has longed for someone to be close with. It wasn't really a romance in the conventional sense, but a romantic experience that they simply shared. 

Sorry if I was maybe a bit too harsh in my comment. Seeing as you guys had already received plenty of (well deserved) praise for your work, I mostly wanted to focus on my personal gripe with it. But I just want to underline that it is still a very good story, and I did very much enjoy the ride, so you have reason to feel proud of what you've accomplished!

But to address your question, I'll try to explain better what I meant. Basically, we start with an already dead Mori, seemingly at peace with his situation: he stares at his body as a ghost, free of the old shackles of his body and curious to see what this new life after death entails.

This is why I think this "second death" feels so disconnected to the real thing, at least to me. It doesn't come grieviously to rob you of your life and future: those are already forever gone by the start of the story. It doesn't come mercifully to relieve you of your pain and suffering: Mori already relieved himself of those at the start of the story. This second death is still scary and terrible, yes, but it's also robbed of much of the pathos of the real thing to my eyes, because everything has already been lost and gained. Even the possibility of framing Death as a friend, come to free a sick man of his suffering, doesn't work in this context because Mori has already gained freedom from it.

Again, there's this weird tension, I feel, between living Mori, on the one hand, who is someone who is supposed to have known for a long time that death was around the corner and I would expect to have a more mature outlook on death, and dead Mori, who is effectively a newborn robbed of his new life by surprise and who reacts to it as if it was something sudden and unexpected.

I hope that makes sense and again, I hope you don't take it too harshly. The story is still great! :-)