MC Should present/introduce themselves to the player, since we are going to be playing through their eyes. Having a default name would be nice, unless you want us to input a name, in which case should tell us to do so.
As for the visuals I can't think of any real issues, given the nature of the VN.
I guess some sort of magicked away everyone else from harm?
I take it you like femine/femboy and pear shaped body shapes?
I skipped the sex scene because it did feel too sudden and too soon, but that is more me, I prefer to have an established connection/romance than to have casual sex with strangers. I hope to have more opportunities where it will feel more appropriate.
I also second the question asked in the post before this one, but also agree with your response to it.
And can give yourself a pat on the back, while the grammar was not correct here and there, there was no real broken English! :3