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(+2)

This was so much fun and has so much potential! I look forward to playing all the routes, but "Mr. Kastiliasu" especially has caught my attention. Several things, though (and note I'm playing on a Mac):

1) When Ale tells MC to call him Mr. K, it seems two hair assets are stacked atop one another. This:


Compared to this:


2) This may vary in whatever style one's country follows (English has a lot of different punctuation rules dependent on country), but when using a quoted phrase within a quotation, one doesn't usually use quotation marks within a quotation. Instead, single quotation marks are used. 

E.g. "I read, "The signee will endeavor to fulfill all contractual terms stated thus far"" should be "I read, 'The signee will endeavor to fulfill all contractual terms stated thus far.'"

Also, there are usually two kinds of quotation styles. One is American, which uses "double quotations," the other British, which uses 'single quotations.' The reason I bring this up is because the demo uses both at one point. The general rule of thumb for quotation style is to stick to one and see it through. For the majority of the game, double quotations seem to be established style, but then we get the commentary on Gigi's sharp look:


Though the the quoted phrase is a noted thought on MC's part, the phrase is still treated as dialogue and thus should be in double quotations. 

Again, all this critique on style can be negotiable because I have no idea what punctuation system the game is using. To me, the style seems closest to the American style so hence all the info I've spouted on about. You're free to ignore it, of course, but I thought it'd be a good point to bring up. 

3) On the map, the dash in Valoue's description seems to be misplaced: "An industrial city, Valoue is not as exciting as its neighbors, but it is of crucial importance to the many businesses in Flahze and ultimately—its economy." The dash shouldn't be there, because it disrupts the flow of the sentence and makes it seem as though the sentence changed topics/was interrupted... though it hasn't . If going for dramatic effect, the dash should be after Flahze: "An industrial city, Valoue is not as exciting as its neighbors, but it is of crucial importance to the many businesses in Flahze—and ultimately, its economy." The break emphasizes the importance of the economy, without interrupting the flow of the sentence, while also lending it some dramatic effect.

4) Minor error, but there's no space between "Mr." and "Akkadi" when Gigi asks, "You remember Mr. Akkadi?"

I hope this all helps! I really love the GUI of this game and the story itself seems like a lot of fun. I wish you all the best of luck and health. 

(6 edits)

Hello DramaJustCalled!

Thank you so much for your feedback and for pointing out the sprite issue! Noted on the points made, those will be fixed asap. 

And thank you for explaining the quotation marks. I'm the writer and though I'm British, I'm writing the routes in American English. I do accidentally mix the two styles and somehow overlooked the errors when the scripts were checked.

I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed the demo! I hope you enjoy the routes too, once they're out!