Always!! Also, their voice??? I'm screaming??? Especially the first ending's last line—hot dog, I'm sweating and blushing so much. This is so good, you just made this ten times better with the voice. 馃槶 馃挆
DramasQueen
Recent community posts
It was so wonderful seeing all the new side characters in the updated demo! They were all so colorful and lovely! I also gained a lot of new insight on the old LIs, while also revising my opinion on some of the newer ones (yes, this is about Jori, lol—happy, go-lucky guys aren't usually my type, but I ended up enjoying his side of the common route). I also loved the more blatant hints teasing Raenelle's past (I'm sooooo curious!). Aldrias is still my favorite character, and surprise surprise, I wanted to defend him when Casseia and Nanett were talking about him behind his back, haha. (I get why they were annoyed, but hey, that's my airheaded bookworm you're criticizing 馃槀. They're both so beautiful, though, and I especially love Casseia!)
Feel free to ignore this next part if you're not interested in copyedits at this point, but here are the writing errors I found in the dialogue/description box whilst playing the demo:
It should be, I thought I could hear him mutter my name under his breath, but his voice is so low... ["Is" is missing.]
It should be, You don't want your jokes to be heard by someone who takes it the wrong way and gets back to Mister Kevatos. [It should be "gets" plural, not "get" singular.]
It should be, Sebastien eyes me in exasperation but hurries out of the room without another word. [It should be "word" singular, not "words" plural.]
That's it! Again, if copyediting doesn't matter at this point, I totally understand! I just wanted to point these errors out, since I noticed them.
I can't wait to see how the rest of the game pans out, and thank you all for your hard work. <3 Best of luck and health.
This was so much fun! I really love how this game took into consideration the differences between Hazel and Jace, and incorporated them when dealing with the same set of LIs—I don't see that a lot, and it's always something I wish to see more of in games.
I went in thinking Adrian and Hazel would be my favorite pair (soft, stoic boys and "mature" perfectionists are my favorite type of characters, and being able to pair them is a dream come true), but came out with Zoe and Jace being my favorite instead, haha I'm sorry, Adrian and Hazel—you still placed second, if it's any reconciliation. Normally I wouldn't go for a pair that's really similar to each other in personality, but Jace and Zoe fed off each other so well, I felt energized by them and wanted to join them on their outing. Their interactions were a delight to read, and I was able to feel how comfortable they were around each other—no inhibitions or the like, unlike some of the other pairings (which wasn't a bad thing! It was just refreshing to see such an open pair). There was also enough key differences between the two that made them feel like they weren't the same person, and, just, I'm really excited to see where you guys go from here! (Jace's and Zoe's gift for Hazel was also really sweet, and had me cackling. Also, I have to ask, is that a Taurus on Zoe's collarbone? 馃憖)
I wish you guys the best of luck in the kickstarter! Here's hoping the game comes to full fruition!
Makes sense! Good luck, haha. <3
If I could also make a suggestion and then I'll stop pestering you, I promise, you may want to recolor Morgan's tears so they're less white/more apparent. On the two lighter skins and Tan 1, it's really hard to see she's crying/has tears:
Tan 1 you can somewhat see the tears, but they're clearer from Tan 2 and onward:
You can totally ignore what I'm saying, I just thought I'd bring it up because it took me a while to recognize Morgan was crying when playing her with light skin (I noticed her nose was redder, but could not make out the tears—I thought they were face shines).
I really love this scene, btw—it sold me on Jack and it's really sweet.
Hope you have a pleasant day! Thanks for entertaining my ramblings.
This was so enjoyable! I was eating virtual popcorn as the drama unfolded and the "scandal" a-stirred. How this VN is able to captivate attention, while also retaining it without the use of sound and music, speaks—ahem—volumes to the quality of storytelling. I advise a bit more copyediting, though, since there are small bouts of tense shift here and there, and this is not in reference to flashbacks or when one is reminiscing. There are sometimes these weird spaces between sentences, too (or perhaps the Mac version of the game, I'm not sure). So it'd be like, Friendship ended with Linfield. Now Worthington is my friend, instead of, Friendship ended with Linfield. Now Worthington is my friend. Oh look, a summation of my playthrough.
Outside of these two things, though, there isn't much I have yet to suggest. The atmosphere and mannerisms of this VN befit the setting, as they do the genre, and I'm looking forward to what's to come. I do have a question: is the game to split off into three different routes per suitor, or will it be one big story with some branching, depending on which suitor you pursue (so the storyline will be the same upon replay, but with different small moments if one was to pursue another suitor)?
Another question, sillier and semi-serious, but also more important: will we ever get to meet James?
Some things I especially enjoyed in the demo were as followed (this delves into spoilers):
1) Maman and the bigamy debacle. When Maman finally breaks down after Emily's visit, the sprites and expressions used for her + the timing really hammer in the direness of the situation and how much guilt Maman feels. It's intense, as it is saddening, and it just floors me how well the visuals are used to land the necessary impact. I don't think I'll be able to handle the scene when sound is added.
2) Worthington. Middle-aged men (or one approaching it) aren't usually my type, but this game didn't take long to convince me otherwise. There's a delicacy in which he's written and the mutual respect + friendship he shares with Miss Fernside, as well as the honorable way he conducts himself, makes him so, very attractive and their relationship very appealing. I'm also a huge sucker for the marriage of convenience trope, whoops.
3) Emily. Oh, she infuriates me, but I love the complexity in which she regards Miss Fernside and how Miss Fernside regards her, even after the betrayal. It punctuates how deep their friendship was, and why the betrayal hurts so much. Brilliant, and I honestly can't wait to see how their relationship gets amended—if it gets amended, that is.
That's all I have for now, but I can't wait for the updated demo and the kickstarter to run! Best of luck and thank you so much for sharing your baby. <3
This was so much fun and has so much potential! I look forward to playing all the routes, but "Mr. Kastiliasu" especially has caught my attention. Several things, though (and note I'm playing on a Mac):
1) When Ale tells MC to call him Mr. K, it seems two hair assets are stacked atop one another. This:
Compared to this:
2) This may vary in whatever style one's country follows (English has a lot of different punctuation rules dependent on country), but when using a quoted phrase within a quotation, one doesn't usually use quotation marks within a quotation. Instead, single quotation marks are used.
E.g. "I read, "The signee will endeavor to fulfill all contractual terms stated thus far"" should be "I read, 'The signee will endeavor to fulfill all contractual terms stated thus far.'"
Also, there are usually two kinds of quotation styles. One is American, which uses "double quotations," the other British, which uses 'single quotations.' The reason I bring this up is because the demo uses both at one point. The general rule of thumb for quotation style is to stick to one and see it through. For the majority of the game, double quotations seem to be established style, but then we get the commentary on Gigi's sharp look:
Though the the quoted phrase is a noted thought on MC's part, the phrase is still treated as dialogue and thus should be in double quotations.
Again, all this critique on style can be negotiable because I have no idea what punctuation system the game is using. To me, the style seems closest to the American style so hence all the info I've spouted on about. You're free to ignore it, of course, but I thought it'd be a good point to bring up.
3) On the map, the dash in Valoue's description seems to be misplaced: "An industrial city, Valoue is not as exciting as its neighbors, but it is of crucial importance to the many businesses in Flahze and ultimately—its economy." The dash shouldn't be there, because it disrupts the flow of the sentence and makes it seem as though the sentence changed topics/was interrupted... though it hasn't . If going for dramatic effect, the dash should be after Flahze: "An industrial city, Valoue is not as exciting as its neighbors, but it is of crucial importance to the many businesses in Flahze—and ultimately, its economy." The break emphasizes the importance of the economy, without interrupting the flow of the sentence, while also lending it some dramatic effect.
4) Minor error, but there's no space between "Mr." and "Akkadi" when Gigi asks, "You remember Mr. Akkadi?"
I hope this all helps! I really love the GUI of this game and the story itself seems like a lot of fun. I wish you all the best of luck and health.