Hey, thanks for your response. I finished the book and really enjoyed the lore chapters. Looking forward to giving it a go.
If you don't mind, I have some more comments and suggestions about the rules :)
There is a typo on p. 55:
Drives and goals and goals
About the correction for Sinner (and sorry about not noticing this before):
Sinner may be marked when you are Starving, at 0 blood and consume blood.
and further below
When this impact is marked, you have 0 blood and you consume more blood
I would interpret consuming as drinking, i.e. increasing blood from 0 to something higher, but I think you mean pay/spend/lose blood points, correct?
Elegies
Without reading Ironsworn and being familiar with iron vows it might be difficult to imagine what elegies should look like. A few examples or even faction/lineage-based starting elegies to choose from could help with that.
Blood usage
On p. 10 it says
Power assets are vampiric abilities that always consume blood when used.
and further down in the comments you mentioned
You always expend 1 point of blood when you [...] use a supernatural power or heal yourself
However, this could be made clearer in the book. It would be nice to have a short section "Using powers" in chapter 3 ("Playing the Game") that explicitely
- mentions "Activating a power always costs 1 blood in addition to any points mentioned in the power's asset text" (e.g., 1-5 blood points for Acute Senses for a total of 2-6)
- differentiates using Power, Nature and "other" assets (I believe there is no category name for non-power non-nature assets like Marked)
- makes clear, that it is possible to put yourself at Starving or even Sinner when using a power (waking up + activating Acute Senses + deciding to spend 5 blood points = 7 in total)
- warns about the fact that you lose the game, when you go to sleep as Sinner and with 0 blood ;)
Moves
I noticed that there are no moves in your game. This reminds me of World of Dungeons, where practically everything is Dungeon World's Defy Danger move, which is formulated similar to your Action Rolls. Do you plan on creating specific moves in the future or did you specifically decide against them? I always find moves to be a good way to introduce more structure to the game and especially to capture the atmosphere of the genre you play in.
Health
Last but not least, I would be interested to know what you think about and if you ever thought about replacing health and blood with only one Blood resource that represents both health and a character's pool to spend on powers. This would further increase the impact of the decision when to use blood and for what.
Cheers!