Post by yanderecon in 14 Days With You comments

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I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed the dissonance in the narrative caused by writing in 1st person p.o.v.

I understand that scenes like for example the one with Olivia are needed so players 1) don’t get a “wrong impression” of Ren (aka assuming him flirting with someone else while being on a date with Angel), and 2) to drive home that Ren is Not A Good Guy behind his shy guy facade he puts on in front of Angel. But,, it really just doesn’t make sense narrative-wise, and once you notice it, it becomes hard to ignore.

Using 1st person p.o.v. also doesn’t work well when introducing new characters, because no one walks around and starts to introduce friends and co-workers (in their own mind, to themselves) each and every time they show up somewhere. And like, the introductions seem to take place in real time because Angel completely spaces out during those time, prompting the newly introduced character to ask if they were listening.

This issue could be fixed by switching to 3rd person p.o.v., but that would require a complete rewrite of all scenes…

That aside, I completely agree with you that this is game has soo many nice mechanics and gimmicks, especially considering it’s a 1-person-project!

On another note, I think the

Leon talking like he knew about Ren when they ran into him and Mc's date came out of nowhere and really confused me

issue is actually a bug. Leon is only supposed to recognized Ren on the 2nd Day if Angel brought him home on Day 1!

Jesper1 year ago(+1)

I didn't really notice the pov difference or care all that much about it to be honest, at the end of the day its a fantasy otome game so nothing is meant to be realistic. yeah, no one introduces their friends in their head like that, but nobody has the ability to glitch the text or have infinite time to make choices either. ~~And I hope no one in real life is falling for real life murderers!~~ But just like how movies have cliche first person "flashback" scenes or how novels have those long winded "character introductory" scenes, it's all there for the viewer's benefit and that's how I interpreted those scenes.

I'm probably going to get downvoted for this, but I personally I prefer the first person pov and don't think it should be changed. It makes it easier for me to insert myself into the MC's shoes and grow attached to the characters organically. Second and third person makes it feel like I'm reading about a predefined character in a novel rather than playing a character in an otome game, and doesn't feel as immersive or gives me that sense of attachment. Rather than feeling like I'm experiencing things as the MC, it's more like the narrator is forcing me to sympathize with them while I watch from the sidelines. If I had to make a suggestion, it'd be to take the scenes [such as the Olivia scene] and alter it in a way that works. Maybe MC only gets half of the conversation and the rest is waffled noise, or maybe make the text feature smaller font size like when Ren mumbles to signify that we're not supposed to be listening.

I'm in the other field for a few of the other comments OP [not the person I'm replying to] pointed out. Moth's video call seems realistic to me since I've been in similar situations where I've felt sweaty and gross from work and didn't want to show my whole face. The hearts at the end of the text I think suits the game's aesthetic, and is what I'd consider normal for an otome game to have a CTC indicator. Teo, to me, was perceived to be a character that's meant to be disliked by the community, and from what I've seen on the creator's socials, they intend for him to come across like an asshat as well. The scene involving Leon was already confirmed to be an overlooked error and has been fixed for the next update.

Everything else in OP's comment I agree on though! I loved the blinking and jumping animations just as much as I loved the immersive sound effects and sprite changes depending on the choices I made. Certain characters would react to the outfits I picked and Ren would make different comments after I replayed the game and got his bad ending the second time. Little details like these makes me appreciate the demo so much more, and I can only imagine how much time and effort goes into creating something like this. And the fact that it's one singular person giving this to us for free is mindblowing. I doubt the creator will see this, but just in case... Keep up the great work and take everything I've said with a grain of salt! This is amazing for just a demo and I cannot wait to see what happens in future updates. ~~Also those 18+ scenes had me in a grip! Your writing style and syntax is on a whole other level I swear~~

Zarigueya gal1 year ago

It is up to one's taste, I do think it would work better in another POV but your suggestions of reworking some scenes would really make a difference (only hearing half of the conversation and other touches) and would help the game flow a lot better.

A sweet spot can be found between yanderecon's thoughts with the introduction of character and yours: make it so it doesn't take in-universe time. An idea can go through your mind in a second so the "thinking" of the character introductions can be done without Mc having had to space out for a while to get the idea to us.

Personally I think that's where 3rd pov would make it a lot easier to write those moments, cause getting that information out in 1st pov AND make it sound naturally takes a lot more effort.

I've been in similar situations where I've felt sweaty and gross from work and didn't want to show my whole face.

Yeah, don't we all sometimes feel like that, the thing if for years you just show the ceiling... it's just weird. Weirdness and dissonance can easily take readers out of the moment. I can hold my disbelief for so many things while reading a story, I love feeling in a story, but stuffs than don't correlate properly makes it feel like there wasn't a beta-read. I don't mean this a diss at the creator, I do think cutesai is doing something really cool and you have to be quite brave to put your work out for the world to see. I mean this as honest well intended critic.

Yes, I also believe the hearts as ctc are in part with the aesthetic, it just confuses me sometimes, easily a me-problem.

Cool that the Leon scene was identified and was just a bug.

Yeah I get that Teo is meant to be disliked, he is extremely dislikable, but in a way that is my point. As presented right now I can't see the thought process of the characters that make them keep the dude around and that takes me out.

Everything else in OP's comment I agree on though!

Got me a little chuckle that you only refer to my positive intake there jajaja. But yes, there are a lot of good things in this demo, the work can be seen. I'm curious to see how it evolves, I want to see to rest of this story. Cheers!

itch.io

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