Whelp, now DirectX is crashing right after the opening monologue. It seems the universe does not want me to try this game :( This probably is some sort of bad interaction with something in the game and my GPU/drivers. Probably non-trivial to debug so maybe not worth it, considering other people have been able to play fine.
Regardless, here's the error in case you're curious:
Fatal error: [File:D:\build\++UE5\Sync\Engine\Source\Runtime\D3D12RHI\Private\D3D12Util.cpp] [Line: 873]
PresentInternal(SyncInterval) failed
at D:\build\++UE5\Sync\Engine\Source\Runtime\D3D12RHI\Private\D3D12Viewport.cpp:633
with error DXGI_ERROR_DEVICE_REMOVED