BOOKS THAT ARE BAD BUT HEY SOME OF THEM AREN'T THAT BAD BUT OH WAIT ONE OF THEM REALLY SUCKS!!!
I have something to confess. Please understand that this is all very difficult for me and I'm in a very vulnerable position here. I, LunarMoon, read books...
Wait, don't go yet! I know I've disrespected all my fellow video game players, but I'm still as obsessed with them as any one of you and would gladly play the Sims in the wee hours of the morning grinding to maximise my skills and relationships. I would gladly cry into my pillow IRL if my favourite anime husbando in a dating visual novel rejected me. I would gladly fight against the argument that video games cause violence while I absolutely beat the living daylights out of my monitor after a seven year old beats me at Fortnight. I'm SOOOOOOO put together...
But alas, it's true. I enjoy a good book in front of the fire from time to time while I sip some delicious tea (even though I hate tea). There are a lot of books that I've read, most of them being from my childhood, and they're still classic. Diary of a Wimpy Kid, the Inheritance Games, Harry Potter, Wonder and Big Nate are just a few of the great books I've read. But... sometimes a book is SO bad that it makes you feel dumber after you've read it. Keep in mind that the last two books in this discussion aren't really bad by any means, they just aren't for me. But the first one... I'm gonna make it cry home to its mommy and need years worth of therapy to recover from the abuse I'm about to dish out
First book: Beast Quest by Adam Blade
Who thought this was a good idea? I just want to talk (about your funeral arrangements). Beast Quest is probably the most boring, generic, pathetic attempt at fantasy I've ever seen. Which is such a shame, because I think it could have had a genuinely interesting plot and it really could have been the next Harry Potter. That is if the writers were actually...y'know? Good at writing. I'm very passionate about writing but I'm not going to act like I'm Stephen King. I'm nowhere near as good as some of the writers here on Itch io. Have you seen my games? But even someone with the most basic understanding of storytelling can tell that this book... isn't very good at it
Keep in mind that it's been a while since I've read this book so I might not remember everything (which is probably a good thing). The story follows this little b*tch boy named Tom who teams up with this bland girl named Elena and along with their animal companions, they save the world from these evil monsters that were created by the villain of the book who is...is... he's so forgettable I can't even remember his name. That's definitely the worst part of these books. The characters. Which is not a good thing, especially for a story of this nature. They feel so uninspired, so hollow and empty. Tom is a forgettable generic fantasy hero with the most superficial backstory involving a dead dad. There's a lot of dead dads in media! You ain't special, Tom. Elena doesn't do jacksh!t throughout this entire series. She fights the monsters sometimes when its convenient to the plot, but most of the time she's relegated to the sidelines acting like Tom's source of comfort when he's acting like a whiny b!tch whenever something doesn't go his way. And no gives a cr@p about the animal companions and side characters. Sorry, I had to get my swear word limit out of the way. No-one cares about the monsters either (which is impressive considering that they are the only reason these books exist in the first place)
Also I have no idea who these books are for. It can't be for teens/adults because the writing style and words used are so basic. The kind you'd find in an easy beginner book for toddlers. And it can't be for preteens/younger because there was quite a lot of violence from what I remember. Even as a young kid, I couldn't help but question and point out the many many flaws of these books. This book is nothing more than a generic fantasy with wasted plot potential, bland and awfully written characters and a vague target demographic
I give this book a -30/10
Second book: Dork Diaries by Rachel Reneè Russel
Unlike Beast Quest, I have some reservations for critiquing this one. I genuinely adored this book when I was younger and thought it was the Mona Lisa of writing. And while I wouldn't call it that today (that honour goes to Diary of a Wimpy kid XD), I still think that for what it is, it's still pretty good. The illustrations of the books are absolutely adorable too. Another thing that I really appreciate about this book is that it's not ashamed to be a form of female literature. The characters act like regular girls who like to talk about fashion, makeup, drama and boys. I just see so many books of this nature (ones with a female target audience) and I hate how the main characters act like they're 'not like other girls' or associate inherently female traits to be weak, bad or beneath them. So it's nice for once to have a story about girls actually be a story about...girls. I'm not sure if I'm making sense so let's just move on
While the writing, comedy and most of the characters are great, there is quite a big issue I have with the book. And that is the main character Nikki. It's just... she's kind of a b!tch. And not in a good way! That's probably harsh of me to say, but she's one of the most annoying characters I've encountered in a while. She's selfish and always complaining about something regardless of how superficial it is and she acts like she's morally better than others and will deflect blame by saying that others have done worse so it's therefore okay that she's doing a bad thing??? Look, I get it. Teenage girls... they're the worst. I would know. But there's nothing redeemable about her. She doesn't have any admirable traits or moments that make us see her character in a different light. And the book is trying really hard to make you like her. But apparently not hard enough
Also I know it's kind of the point of these books, but Nikki tries WAY too hard with the whole 'uwu I'm such a dork I'm so quirky.' Girl, shut up. Saying that you're a dork out loud doesn't mean you are one. 'Yeah, I'm conventionally attractive and have a super loving boyfriend and a bunch of really great friends and I also like fashion (even though it's mainstream and has no negative conations at my school) and I was also apart of a band that got world-wide famous. Ugh, I'm such a dork!' What the actual fu-
In my opinion, the spinoff series of Dork Diaries (Max Crumbly) is way better. Not only is there an actual focal point and overarching narrative going on throughout the series, but Max is a way better character than Nikki. Because unlike her, he's got this thing called a likeable personality. And he's way more of a dork than Nikki could ever be. We can't forget the cute illustrations either. And no Twitter mobs, it's not a gender thing. Max is better than Nikki because he's cool and she's not. Period
I give Dork Diaries a 6/10
I give Max Crumbly a screw you, Nikki/10
Third book: Perfek by Jaco Jacobs
Hello? Any fellow South Africans? If you attended any school in South Africa, you probably have encountered this book called Perfek that you most definitely had to analyse and write essays on. This is definitely the least offensive book in my list but I do have one or two problems with it
I'm guessing most of you haven't heard of this book so here's a basic rundown of the plot: The story follows a teenage boy named Jak and he's just a quirky little dude. He has a childhood friend named Julia and she's just a quirky little girl. Jak falls head over heels for the hot new girl Natasja but finds out after spending time with that she may not be a very decent person. It's a little stereotypical as a high school drama but it's got some great parts. Also quick side note: I think it's really funny whenever it comes to these Afrikaans books you need to read for school that there's always at least one useless side character. They show up for one scene doing something really uneventful to the plot and are never seen ever again. Like, why do they even exist? I never knew that a whole character can just be filler
Anyway, the reason why I didn't 100% like this book was 1) it is SO stereotypical and predictable and 2) Natasja's characterization is a little unjustified. Again, it's been a super long time since I read this and I can't remember every single that happened. However, I do remember that the ending of the book was kind of trash. After Natasja is out of the picture, Jak and Julia get together romantically which annoyed me on a primal level. They never showed interest in that way to each other for the entire book and then they just get together? Because the plot said so? Screw the plot! They're opposite genders and therefore need to automatically be in a romantic relationship because of that fact even though they work better as friends. This is just a pet peeve of mine, but I get a little uncomfortable every time the childhood friends to lovers trope is used. They've been friends ever since they were in diapers and were basically raised as siblings, but now they like each other. Even though they've been essentially raised together. It just makes me raise a Dwayne Johnson eyebrow, that's all
Also I think Natasja was done dirty. Don't get me wrong, she's no saint. Teenage girls are little monsters. We've already established this. But the worst thing I remember her doing is getting mad at Julia for spilling a milkshake on her. Oh the horror, send her to Alcatraz. Sure she could have been nicer about it, but it's still a reasonable response. Milkshakes are cold and sticky!
The main message of the book is how looks can be deceiving and that just because someone looks beautiful doesn't mean that are on the inside and vice versa. But Jak was the one who set up some perfect unattainable perception of her. He fell in love with the idea of her. It's not Natasja's fault that she didn't live up to it and is instead oh I don't know...a real person? With her own personality, thoughts and feelings? Jak took one good look at her, saw that she had opinions and was like "Nope!" Women, am I right? Always with their feelings, opinions and sh!t
That's a few of the books that didn't do everything right for me. I think books are important and as great as video games are books can be just as interesting and entertaining. So...yeah. Perfek is pretty decent for a school book. Dork Diaries has some really great illustrations with a morally ambiguous protagonist. And Beast Quest can be begging for help in a house fire while I just watch with a sadistic grin on my face
Moral of the story? Um...read books kids or something. Totsiens!
(And merry belated Christmas and a happy new year🍾🎄)