This is the sad tale of the reality we deny, more so if we are directly involved, where there are two warring side slacked in bitter combat, that even innocents are put into the line of fire... The ironic part is both sides are so steep and full of themselves that they do not realize they are fighting with the exact same tactics and the wonder why they are deadlocked. When anger rules without compassion, you are going to push others side blindly in pursuit of something you want to have RIGHT NOW and by FORCE... it really irks me how demands are made, but there is never any work actually put into making progress towards that goal, always trying to blame others when one won't even lift a finger!!!
I have my own issues, but I also acknowledge that I am the true one who can ever break myself out of the fear and apprehension that comes from hearing to horror stories everyone tells...
It never helps to have in the pursuit of learning or understanding to have anger pointed at you for not understanding it in the first place. I was not raised among the others, so how dare you lookdown on me for thinking I'm automictically looking down on you? The sad part is the real bigots are the ones who claim others are doing it without bothering to get to know others. Using there isms as both a sword and shield, its pathetic, because hiding behind that is also what is keeping you locked in that place, you invite ism when you toss around ism. Don't judge too quickly or you will only be giving reason to be judged in turn. Its the golden rule!
If efforts to lean reach an impasse then the lack of understanding turns to anger, hate, and general negativity. IN effect many of us, myself possibly included, do not understand that we are only perpetuating the cycles, because we are only ever acting in accordance to that cycle... sigh
What happens when you seek to speak to the source to dispel lies and they unfortunately proven truth? It is the opposite of the story here, but is no less a viable possibility. The only difference is with whom you meet and associate with first. It is amazing just how much an impact first impressions can differ first hand than by word of mouth. You can never know the truth without finding it out yourself, but it also requires you to keep an open mind, but encountering too many with closed minds can just as much shut you out in the opposition side. If he had met Candids who beat him up ruthlessly, he would have then believed what his mother told him to be the truth more. Damage and healing are all a matter of who you deal with, the more damage the less can ever hope to be healed and vice versa. When you in a position of power and have the chance to make difference, do you use it or do you abuse it?
If only I could find people within the various populations out there, who defy the cycle I see, namely by simply being capable of mercy, and willing to exchange our concerns over what we see about our groups, calmly, rationally, then regardless of the mass perception I have, there would be an oasis of someone I could support in their fight alone to make things right, to change the way their whole is perceived, by changing the way they act. If king and Nelson could do it, then anyone could do it, it all lies in a more peaceful and steadfast solution, something that I am not ever seeing a large scale these days. Pockets do exist though, but it will take time for those seeds to grow, as compared to those wanting more immediate action. Nurture good relations and you WILL CHANGE MINDS.
The issue of the upbringing of being in middle class is that I have both, sheltered childhood and some privileges and fear of unfamiliarity and denied access to other privileges. I know humility because I was never treated as having a silver spoon, and being taught that for all I may have there are those with next o nothing, of me I can't bare the thought, but its a problem to big to tackle alone, and for all non profits out there, they help, but only short term, the real solutions are bigger picture, but also because of that it is harder to find a right or proper solution. Some, but not all, things need to change, most importantly is to provide those with nothing a means to provide themselves with something. Handouts can much too easily be abused... If you give a man a fish you feed him for day (could also be said this is the easy and instant gratification route, just tossing money at a problem), if you teach him to fish he can feed himself for the rest of his life (the harder but road to progress route, where you work with people to provide them with the means to provide for themselves).
I am in such a limbo position too, I am able to decide what I want, but at the same time have so many potential options denied from me, just because of a sort of path I was forced to follow, that being the routine nature I followed through my upbringing, it has isolated me form ever being free to of the at framework, and because of that many possibilities too I would shy away from as well. I am pigeon holed between my beliefs and reality... what I was taught and what is actually expected...
And there it is... one slip up and suddenly everything is treated like it never existed in the first place... this wat extremism can do... even among those who may be friends, suddenly thrust to be enemies because of a SIGNLE MISUNDERSTANDING? And the feelings that follow, to be able to be angry with oneself, is what separates someone who does care from those that don't. The willingness to apologize and admit you were wrong, that is what "humanity" is, for it is not a territorial dispute, it is merely a gap in understanding.
No one can know my pain, if they cannot understand the pain they inflict, it stands to be just as true if there were to any who I have ever truly wronged, and I find that at few, but that is only ever because I am not some social butterfly, and hardly go out, but I observe, and oh boy do I observe! sigh
I too do feel like crying at times, but I am not goign to go to my parents about it ever, for it is as much because of them that I am in my miserable state of limbo, for with them having any involvement from them is like handing over ALL control to them, I get no say. That is part of why I have a high dislike for what I perceive as extremist, for all they ever do is shove others around.
And here in this moment between them is the duality I struggle with. No matter how much I hate and resent, I can never stop questioning myself about just how far should I really go for in return? I have the imagination of countless scenarios, all made plausible in some form because it has been proven just how stupid people can be. But I am a thinker, a planner, an organizer, it all really comes in form of flowcharts, any actual operation needs a real leader with the know how to execute it. In the end... the best worst result would be what course of action would result in the most equal chances among everyone for indirectly related casualties? My imagination for anything good or bad is always to be the catalyst, but never to have a direct involvement. All I'd ever wish to do is apply my own spark. My spark to make other think and ponder for themselves, to think about things in way that is beyond their own little world.
There is also this too..., the feeling that there are actual differences out there I could be making, but I don't know how or where to start, because I'm just as afraid of doing more harm than good. How is one supposed to live when it feels like dealing with other people is like walking on broken glass??? What purpose do I have if my purpose is being denied and shunned? I may not be responsible for the actions of those who came before me, but I am forced against my will to shoulder some of that burden, and there is guilt in the damage that has been and keeps being wrought, in ongoing civil cold war...
Sad part is for these reason why I feel like I could never properly love someone not of my own ethnic group, for fear of slipping up when always in their constant presence... I feel guilty simply at the thought...
And that is the struggle of the sort of person I want o be, to be able to protect others, INCLUDES being able to protect them from THEMSEVLES...
Hrm... too many sweets and this boi will get extras softness! hehe ^^;
Darn to bad couldn't see this even more massive candid..., and this troublesome one...
What utter chaos it is, when both groups view each other as hostile backstabbers? Do you even realize you have backstabbers among your own kind? You aren't any more clean sir!!! This what it means to have the cycle of violence at its peak, where it is hardest to get away from...
I couldn't handle being responsible for something so horrid, which is why my involvement would have to be indirect, it must be that it was not my choice and it must be that I was not present or even aware of it.
Tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, even if it only your own way of seeing things. Lay it all out, and you shall find whom you can then truly trust in. Even so though... the only lies anyone is willing to believe is lies backed by evidence, and so often it is to provoke fear and mistrust, truly horrid manipulation, but depending on the circumstances... it may be an unfortunate necessity.
To plead for mercy over guilt you have over something beyond your control, that is the mark of Humanity, to bear the burdens willingly. We all have choices, and this includes the choice to give up our choices, but it never means we should act blindly. Following through with threats is true naivety, when communication is all that actually needed. It is the difference between mob mentality and humility. The difference between lashing out and reigning in impulses.
Shakespeare Shakespeare, why do we the masses as a whole, forsake you? Why do we give into misguided anger? Why do we not value thoughts and feelings?
The price we pay when both sides act upon a lack of knowledge or understanding, harsh/brash actions and reactions. This is what shows the cracks of a failing system, but you also cannot replace a faulty system with another faulty one. What I morn the most is our loss for the value and meaning of the intangible, what I morn most is the loss of innocence at the hands of each other, as we slip into a cesspool of sin and depravity by locking ourselves in our own worlds...
And again the conflicted feelings of knowing that my life is partly held together by misery that is force by others on others, the baseline workers, but also not knowing rightly what o do to ever help... a state of limbo and inaction, since a single step could upset everything...
And sadly here is the foremost mark of what I have continually observed about he trans community and them alone, any other communities are only as much as half this way... they will demonize and victimize anyone they see fit under the guise that they are the victim, and then will keep heaping it on by turning on anyone, friend or foe, who dares to defy them! Disagree with them at your peril! This alone is the reason I hate them. It has nothing to deal with them themselves, it their behavior and mentality to treat everything like they are entitled and only their inion matters. This is what it means to rule by tyranny and fear... hell you step out line and not only do they cast you aside into a ditch, they will sling death threats that make Voldemort look like a being of mercy! Like I have said, gang/mob mentality, always seeking the easy way out, not the right way out, and doing things by force under threat and duress. Not right, not fair, that it won't matter who you are or your age, if it makes them feel superior they will do it. Until I can start to be shown otherwise and for them to stop being so full of themselves, I cannot shake this perception, that they themselves have built up, yet try to deny, and in their efforts to deny only cement it in place. I think the term is Manifest Destiny??? What saddens and sickens me most is the perpetual state of continual rotations of the victims and the victimized, nothing but fighting and bickering, rather than any ounce of rational thought. What happens when one is is the victim of oppression of a larger ongoing feud(s)? Those tainted only ever end up tainting others, and it spreads like a disease, because the root causes are never addressed... we are only ever seeing and dealing with the symptoms...
What I miss the most... oddly enough and only just because, the sense of community I had from being in school, where we all had a joint reason/purpose and could all help each other towards that goal. Just because I am a bit of a lone wolf, but that does not mean I want to be alone, all it means is I want to be myself among others. I am in many ways but a mirror of what is and is not seen and what is embraced and what is discarded and ignored, but in the end I only know what I know and only act based on what I know... you teach me happiness, I will give happiness, you teach me anger, I will give anger, I believe in the golden rule to the absolute, but the golden rule only applies to the surface, true progress is to dig deep down as to why such feelings are being generated! Get to the heart of the matter!
Freedom and control are opposing things, yet too much of either and you have oppression, since complete freedom means the ability to exert your own control (anarchy), and the to have to much control breeds unrest as there is a desire for freedom rises. It is funny how two opposing extremes or catalysts can in the end produce similar results. I though wish to look inwards, for if we cannot solve our own problems then we cannot solve others problems. It is true that life is about give and take, but you need to always be aware of what is being given and what is being taken. Not everything needs to be transactional, but everything should be genuine, and any ulterior motives should be means to further help other others. Build upon what you know and what you have, yet rather than fight learn how to adapt and incorporate and get along. All about filing down those jagged edges!
Ooohhh! More than just wuffies! :D Wuffies fav, but this good to have too! ^^ Ah figures he is THAT guy! Never knock on wood! :/ It always rings hollow!
Hrm... Logic and reasoning, if dealing with reasonable people, would dictate something like... that money is to be exchanged for safe passage, a very hefty price to waylay such festered anger, but if terms are met, and passage is guaranteed, then this something no one will or could ever forget, and that itself would be a catalyst for change, for it would defy the very cycle, create a break and a crack, that can exploited to start undoing the loop. As the loop unravels the hold Boss has too will to, since he is ones who keeps the cycle going from the Candid side. Once again ugg respect through fear is not respect at all, it just veiled hatred!
If others cannot be happy, I cannot be happy. This is where you take the golden rule a step further. ITs meaning is One on One, a comparison of two opposing forces, but if you take a step back it too can mean to feel for others, it can also mean to take it into reverse. You can get what is known as sympathy and empathy, all revolving around taking into account not only how others feel, but how you make them feel! Look before you leap! That though is easier when you are not presently embroiled in conflict...
Threats of death, violence, cruelty.. when I see this form someone and see it repeatedly, I can only ever see them as but a beast, incapable of being human for an instant, always being high off the power they control, completely irrational... Many an issue such as this though can go both ways... when I say I have issues with certain groups, this is exactly what I mean, they never listen and do as they please, because they enjoy ruining the lives of others. Then it may very well become that not only am I goign to ruin your life in return I'm forced to ruin everyone else connected. This what happens when there is no one to not only stop conflict, but correct it to. What happen when you have adults acting like spoiled children. As much as I have want for revenge, I shiver from not knowing just how far I want or am willing to go. You back me into a corner, you give me no choice!!! For now you have dozens upon dozens of others who can hardly be viewed as innocent, when they have born witness yet do NOTHING to amend things. And sadly there you have guilty by association, which is plague of its own as the pain rather than in a single direction is rather released into a wave!... and then you have ripple effects...
Boss... this what happens to those who betray anyone who only out for themselves, they value nothing and no one, a bully, a tyrant, this the sickening thing that is everywhere these days, always overshadowing what pockets I tend to see as light amidst the dark. They have power only because others give or allow them to have power. This is what makes ME angry!!! I do argue too, but I'd rather express how I feel, than to shove words in the mouth of another!!!
And more or less this how Ghegnis Khan died after being denied the largest prize he could attempt to take, in a most humiliating way... because he did not think of his needs, only his wants...
The ability to give mercy is important, but mercy cannot be given to someone who shows or gives none, if I ever truly wished to harm someone, it would be these kinds...
This is the emotional pain I feel, form the pain we each inflict on others, and when the pain gets to be too much at various thresholds, we lose part of ourselves or faith and trust in others, even if they have given us no reason to distrust hem... everything just starts to feel fake... we are left with no confidence in ourselves or others, such is the pain of such a profound loss, and with it our very sanity is drained with our soul...
Sigh Can't save everyone, but hat is exactly why I try to be the voice of reason, why I ask questions, why I go beyond to ask questions of questions... Can't help someone who can't be bothered to help themselves... but this also means my problem is that I care more about others than myself.
The saddest thing is life is when it takes a martyr to show the err in ones ways... and that no good deed goes unpunished, when weighed against the sins of the many...
While not everything is prefect, this what I'd call an ideal or realistic ending... they shares scars but are still alive, and where there is life, there is hope! If my trust and generosity were not broken for aforementioned reasons, this is something I'd willingly support. Heck could think of his VN as only the first Story or Book, since things have only changed for them alone! You never just how much you glean from so little, for never underestimate the profound impact small gestures can make!