Yeah, you're 100% right there. I honestly don't know how professional writers manage to produce decent writing for all their deadlines and stuff x3 I know that if I try to write when my heart isn't in it, sure, I can usually still produce something, but more often than not, that something will be a wall of text that's practically worthless >.<
The way I wrote CiQ in the end was actually really weird compared to how I've written most of my other stuff. I started the common route when I was still living with my friend, but then when I moved back in with my family, I didn't even have my PC set up for months cos we had to figure out how to fit it in my room with a desk, haha.
So I just had my crappy laptop, and I used to tell myself that all I had to manage was 1 hour's worth of writing per day. I couldn't use my laptop in my room because I didn't have anywhere to sit comfortably, so I would get up super early before anyone else in the house and just type on my laptop downstairs when it was quiet and no distractions. It felt strange because I prefer to write in the dark, but somehow it worked x3
I have no idea how long it actually took to finish in the end, but I remember it being quite a relaxing and enjoyable process, haha. Maybe I'll have to go back to something like that when it comes to writing more for DD. It was just nice I think because it didn't feel like too much to ask of myself to just do an hour, and often I'd end up doing more than that because it was going well.
I absolutely cannot write when other people are hovering around making noise and causing distractions, I know that much, haha. I need to be able to put myself away in a little bubble x3
I actually feel kinda stupid now for getting swept up in the wave of attention that came when Manly played DD >.< I got so hyped at the time, and then well-meaning friends were really pushing me to take full advantage of it and make a big push to drop everything else I was doing and solely focus on DD even though I'd already made plans to take part in various jams. Deep down in my heart, I knew I wasn't actually ready to do that. I think I kidded myself into thinking it would all work out if I tried not to think about it too much and just go for it, but that's not how things work with my silly brain x3
I had planned to work on DD like years down the line from releasing the initial standalone snippet, and I probably should've just stuck to that plan throughout it all because I feel like I have wasted a lot of time agonising over aspects of DD that I didn't feel ready to work on yet, and I definitely went into panic mode making the updated demo when more and more people started downloading the game because I was desperate to let people know that the version Manly played was not an accurate representation of the way I envisioned the project as a whole >.< The project just wasn't really in a state that I was happy for so many people to see it in, haha. It was a rushed jam entry for a future concept. But I'm still grateful that things happened the way they did because the attention the project gained is what will allow me to eventually finish it the way I had envisioned it. That's something that would have been impossible if not for the exposure and subsequent support for the project!
And yeah, one person in particular pushed really hard on the monetising side of things even though I said it made me feel uncomfortable at the time. I know that person only had my best interests at heart and wanted me to succeed, but it was never going to work out the way they envisioned with my personal situation being the way it was and still is >.< And worst of all, we don't even speak now, and I think that's partly because I couldn't live up to their expectations so they just gave up on me since things were moving in an upward trajectory for them. Which is fair enough and I'm happy to see them have success! It just sucks to lose a friend over it is all.
I guess it wasn't a total waste of time because the current demo still does a semi-decent job of representing my vision for the project, and I don't completely despise the stuff I've written that's not seen the light of day yet. But yeah, I dunno, I think I put a lot of stress and pressure on myself when I didn't really need to x3 So now I'm just trying my best to let go and not be quite so hard on myself. It's difficult to completely disregard the thought that I'm letting people down in a way by deciding to do things the way I want to do them, but I know in my heart that it's the right way for me, and the only way for me to ever complete the project in a way that I'll (hopefully) be happy with, even if that means taking my time with it and clearing my guilt over CiQ first.
That's really nice to hear about CiQ btw because I have a feeling that there aren't many people out there who care too much about that particular project, haha. Thank you for always being so kind and supportive :3 Hope you get to have an awesome weekend!!