Wow, that was a lot. In a good way. You guessed right that English is not my first language and I am aware that my writing isn't the greatest. It is something I really want to improve at, so thanks a lot for all the writing tips you gave me. I will make sure to go over them again and try to implement them in the future.
Looking forward to it!!!
I'm really impressed with your English skills thus far! If you like, just focus on editing a few passages and see if you notice an improvement. Like I said, the clause placement in some of your sentences need to be reversed, and there are a few opportunities to contract some sentences. If you can improve the sentence structure, then inserting imagery should come more easily.
Original: "It's already hard to move from the cold, and yet there are many more miles of walking left. You are sure you are going to freeze to death, but you prevail".
That passage looks like it could use an edit.
I love the attempt at a contrast in the second sentence, but it is actually a false contrast. You can fix it by changing how you used (", but"). Here's an example: "Despite the near certainty of freezing to death, you prevail".
Given the context of the second sentence, you want to reverse the clause in the first sentence to elevate the foreshadowing. This is how it will work out:
"There are many more miles of walking left, and the cold makes it hard to move. Despite the near certainty of freezing to death, you prevail".
I know it hardly seems great now, but it gives you something to work with in your next draft when you need to insert imagery or set the pacing.
"Ceaseless miles of snow left to trample; The biting cold saps each step I take. Despite the near certainty of freezing to death, you prevail".
I'm sure you noticed another problem even though structure, flow, and imagery have been improved slightly... Shifting from first to second person is a bit disorienting. Generally speaking, you should pick a point of view, then stick to it. I've already seen comments about it, so I feel like there was no need for me to call it out. I didn't feel like stealthily editing it without pointing it out to you first, though.
Here it is in first person "Ceaseless miles of snow left to trample; The biting cold saps each step I take. Despite the near certainty of freezing to death, I prevail". Hope these tips helped. I think I will stop now XD
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Oh, I haven't mentioned anything about the art because it is actually nice! I hope the style won't change much since you really got the aesthetic of a fairy tale nailed down. That alone is worth a 5/5.