I took the liberty of doing a proofreading/editing pass on the base script.rpy file (Chapter 1? I'm pretty sure that's the contents of the demo basically?) and wanted to share it here with you.
I left the original lines alone, and just added extra comment lines that start with #E which are my suggested re-writes and edits of the line immediately above it.
I had to break it up into multiple comments because of Itch.io's character limits.
If this is something you'd be interested in pursuing further, or you want me to send over the full text file instead of using the separated comments below, let me know.