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There's a guide link in the post from 13 days ago on a google docs you can use. It's a bit confusing at first. If it helps to simplify it, i basically did all of the quests, unlocked all diary entrees, touched the globe when i break into the headmasters office to make Arshem help save me later by bringing me to the headmaster. 

Also, talk to him on every day you have the option to click on different places and save before your convos with him. That way you know what he likes and doesn't like. And then reload and pick the same options that make him happy. He also likes to be your sugar daddy, so on your date with him for his bday, pick the most expensive plate. Not doing so drops his affection for you. You can check their notes to see which choices also give you more or less heart ❤️ status with him.

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thanks I danced with him at the festival and maxed up his affection but still went home alone…is there any event I will know that I entered his route like if I don’t cure Thane he’ll ask to bond with me?

Honestly not sure😭. You might want to check the guide for the quests, and days where specific things occur,  to see if there's anything you didn't do that could be causing you to get an ending without him. A lot of the story/plot relies around you fulfilling those quests with npcs before a specific day occurs, while also needing to max their affection out. So if you happen to do any of npc quests too late or fail them, that could perhaps trigger an ending you don't want?🤷‍♀️

Also, I do remember that these events play a pivotal role in being w/Arshem:

-attempting to tell him the truth during the first battle

-needing to have an angel fish? (that yellow fish) or two, ready for him for the full confession/truth scene

-needing to have touched the Siren Globe in the Headmaster's office

-Affection being high enough for him to "save" you after the sparring scene

-winning the missing cat quest

And making sure to pick the highest affection related choices during times you talk to him on or outside of dates with him (usually choices that allow him to be himself).

only Thane and Quill has a specific trigger to continue their route or not. arshem and Lyall just need you to basically follow their route and do not bond with anyone else