First off, CONGRATS ON FINISHING! You guys pumped out a lot in the 48 hours. Makes me wish it wasn't just me this year... any who, your RPG. I can break my thoughts down into a few bullets:
- The tone of the intro with the narrator is very interesting and I like that character a lot. But it was hard to tell where it is going / what the theme actually is? Even after reading it, I'm not entirely sure? BUT I think maybe that's ok in this universe. The plato quote really threw my expectations.
- While I know why you guys went for the font you did, it was hard to read at times.
- Kudos on producing all the content in your character creation! There is a lot there. I almost feel like I'd like it more if it was scaled back a bit? Perhaps it is just a layout issue (very hard to tell what is going on in that section)? I think what is missing is WHO are these people that I'm creating. All the rules are there but I don't understand why.
- The mechanics of your Dice Rolls are good but I wonder how easy of a time this would be to actually run from a GM standpoint. This is where pairing down might benefit this game.
- While I don't totally understand it, I did like the sample session. Tonally it works really well and helped answer a few questions about what was happening. But again, the layout and font were working against you.
- Good job on getting art together for this! They and the narration fit together really well.
Overall, great job guys. I would just say for Version 2, scale it back and find a layout that makes it easier on your reader. Y'all have an odd little world here that could be a lot of fun.