Thanks for the postmortem.
clyde
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I get Everything Everywhere All at Once vibes both in the attention to novelty and in the main theme of love being the way out of dreading one's own existential birth.
I moved to a city recently and I often encounter folks who don't seem to be able to stop speaking. It is as if all of their thoughts just come out of the mouths compulsively non-stop, then they end up responding to the fact that they just said the thing that they said. I think that I'm like that too; the notable difference is that I can not say the things I'm thinking out loud so it gives me more opportunities to question my thoughts, give more attention to a chosen mental object more easily.
My teachers talk about concentration and ethical conduct being foundations for opportunities to become unbelievably beneficial. I think this is true. The more I restrain myself from harmful or compulsive behavior, the more I can concentrate. The more I can concentrate on the kindnesses that I have received, the more opportunities I see to benefit myself and others. It is interesting to watch my own mind transforming into something different than a feedback loop which is trying to entertain itself.
This reminded me of a game I made a while back so it was neat to me to have a reason to go back and play it.
https://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/10458
I enjoyed this. I've been meditating a lot and reading about wu wei and such, so I tended to think the game was going in that direction. But the critique of the heroes essentially being that they had emptied their personalities threw me for a loop since that is the type of thing I was expecting the sage to encourage!
Then it started reminding me of the film Booksmart because the moral seemed to be similar in a way, but the rhetoric of the game then went back towards some sort of "focus on yourself" message at the end.
This back and forth was interesting for me. It felt similar to the conversation, analysis and theorizing that has been going on with me over the past month or so.