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A member registered Apr 14, 2022 · View creator page →

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To answer your question in way too much verbose and complicated detail because I'm in bed and lying on my side and feel like I have to write something or I'll go crazy, I've slowly been pulling myself back to good health. I've covered things in way too much detail (as is usual for me) with several public posts on this game's Patreon page, but the tl;dr of it is that my usually seasonal depression around my birthday because of terrible memories of one of them rolled right into me getting cat scratch fever, and then either after or at the same time, mononucleosis. Both came with incredibly levels of fatigue and memory issues (the entire month of November was a blur for me and on average I easily spent over 12 hours a day in bed). My mental sharpness has only returned within the last 4 or so weeks, but my energy levels are still incredibly low (and will continue to be for months since the fatigue symptoms of mono can linger for a long time). I've managed to get some work on the VN done over the last 3 weeks, but that has been complicated not just by my inconsistent energy levels (and therefore my focus and the just plain ability to get work done, the inability of which makes me feel stir-crazy and depressingly useless), but me starting progesterone.

I'm stuck taking feminizing HRT for a very complicated reason relating to a neurodegenerative disease I have, but my testosterone levels have risen back to half of what I had pre-HRT (which was ~1,300 ng/dL, and yes, that's really high for a cis man, and yes, I had health issues from that).  My testosterone levels right now are right in the middle of the average for cis men, and as I understand it, those levels being so high has prevented that estrogen from getting absorbed properly and being a very low 53 pg/nL (a third of where someone almost two years into feminizing HRT should be). In a bitter dramatic irony, my neurological health has become highly dependent on my quantity of that female hormone, and hopefully this progesterone is going to cut that testosterone level down and then let my body absorb estrogen instead of letting it pass through me like it's doing now. I'm optimistic it'll work as my primary symptoms of my bad brain disease (involuntarily muscle contractions, vocal apraxia, and some degree of aphasia) have gotten noticeably milder since I started taking it a bit over 3 weeks ago, but I have to wait a full month for my hormone composition to stabilizing before testing my levels again for those results to be meaningful.

Progesterone, is, uh, certainly a female sex hormone. It's got a quasi-mythical reputation of being "horny bitch juice" + "boob growth juice"in transfem communities who (among other problems) treat feminizing HRT a little too close to a drug or part of a sexual lifestyle instead of a medicine prescribed for improving the psychiatric health of trans women. While it's been unexpectedly mild in both departments for me (but not too unexpectedly, as there are issue within tranfem communities I've been in the orbit of way treating mere hearsay of anecdotal evidence with feminizing HRT being taken as scientific fact), it's further dropped my energy levels (albeit not severely), made me ache all over (expected), and made my symptoms of what I can only call "pseudo-PMS" so much worse, particularly nausea, back pain, and hot flashes. In addition to that, it's been affecting my mood in ways I didn't know could happen and has often flooded me emotions I barely understand. I suppose it's sort of like a milder form of the stereotypical bitchiness associated with female puberty and "moon sickness," but made very complicated because I'm (unwillingly and chaotically) genderfluid between the gender binaries. I can tell you that  it's a very interesting experience with someone who has a male gender identity half the time to start feel insanely strong maternal feelings and the bitchy moodiness from female hormones in what my best friend has aptly called "righteous indignation."

And finally, with all of that context aside, to precisely answer "how I feels today"... lol, idk. I'm on my male side right now and I really haven't figured out to properly articulate what it's like to be on this side of the binary coin since progesterone has gotten into the mix, but trying to ignore that very sizeable component affecting the range of emotions I am feeling right now, I feel:

  • Tired, but that's baseline now between my brain health, illness, and stereotypical authorial caffeine addiction. 3/4 of a pot sometimes isn't even enough to keep me up for more than 6 hours, which is wild.
  • Melancholic loneliness, because despite how extremely introverted I am as a person,  I have been affected by living on my own after pretty much burning the bridge with my parents due to their years of abuse and my only real in-person human contact being my sister and brother-in-law. I know I need to go out more, but I had some really bad experiences with transfems a bit over a year ago, and I'm extremely wary of seeking out those social circles and putting myself in them again.
  • Mild cabin fever (see above), but also leading into the below with...
  • Mild paranoia, because I feel like one of those "shifts" of my gender is coming up and those can be very drastic in changing how I feel and can be pretty awful if I'm not prepared for them. I don't want to be genderfluid, but I am, and I've not just had to be vigilant against myself, but on guard for people who try to parasocially attach to me because I put so much of who I am in my writing and some people either treat that one-way flow of personal information as a right to get close to me or "fix" me.
    That's bad enough, but I have actual fear of being around people who have historically been far more likely to deny the accuracy of this label I never asked for and substituting it with the one they want for me, as it's uniquely traumatic and devastating to my mental health for someone to carelessly comment that they think I'm merely a transgender woman in extreme denial, tell me my views on gender and all the shit trailing behind it doesn't matter because I'm not even transfem, half of who I am being subjected to blatant misandry and trans women making the fact that they used to assume they were who they were expected to be and might now be disgusted with masculinity in general due to their disgust of any of their own masculinity my problem, polycule drama, and people just being kind of creepy assholes who sexually harass me or throw shade at me because they see me as little more than a reluctant trans woman with "fantastic" HRT results it is their duty to feminize further, envy for the genderfluid person getting "assets" I don't want as I don't plan to ever socially transition and I'm reaching the danger zone of a chest size I can safely bind, or god knows what else I managed to be surprised and hurt by.
    I have very, very heavy baggage in this area, as you can probably see, and even looking past my current sicknesses, and my bodily issues because being stuck on feminizing HRT is kind of a living nightmare for the guy side of me at time, I'm going to have to work through that and my social fears before I feel like I'm going to be comfortable truly trusting new people again.
  • Mild arousal, but honestly you don't need the TMI of that, especially after this wall of text.
  • Moderate annoyance, because it's like my brain is trying to find something to be bothered by just to justify having this emotion, and I'm frustrated I can't find something to be frustrated about.
  • Pained, because yeah there are some pretty big parts of my health that are in decay.
  • TV static, as I am kind of extremely unwell mentally and even think I have very good reason to be that way given my health issues and lack of stability and am fully convinced what I go through would have killed most people several times over by now.
  • Weary relief, because 2024 was not a good year for me and I'm just gonna be glad to see the calendar change.
  • Impatient apprehension, as I'm an American and the unclothed wannabe emperor/mob boss is headed back to the White House, and even though I feel like I have my bases covered against the worst outcomes like a nationwide ban on prescribing hormones for transitioning, the economy blowing up, environmental and protective regulations getting neutered, and the rule of law further decaying (those just being the political issues I'm concerned with), I know a lot of my friends are worried, and I'm worried for them and about them.
  • Hungry, as Adderall and coffee are gonna do the things they do to make me forget that I need to eat.

This was so, so much more than you asked for, and, uh, sorry for just kind of blasting you with it, but writing like this truly helps me organize the chaos and noise in my thoughts into concrete words, so... thank you for asking?

https://itch.io/post/11347935
I have to package the APK in a ZIP due to legal reasons of clearly-labeled credits for assets, to say nothing of it including the flowchart and changelog. I have an Android, and you can absolutely use the Files app to extract ZIP files.

There's quite literally no one else who could keep up with me

I have to package the APK in a ZIP due to legal reasons of clearly-labeled credits for assets, to say nothing of it including the flowchart and changelog. I have an Android, and you can absolutely use the Files app to extract ZIP files.

Turns out I've also got mono! https://www.patreon.com/posts/115177404

Don't use old saves then. Use the jump menu to quickly jump to where you were and rebuild your saves based on your current C.H.E.A.T.S. values and a quick selection of the choices you made. New/Edited content is always unlocked, but a Patreon password (like the one listed in the changelog) lets you jump throughout the whole game.

Any luck?

If you truly want to try your hand at this gargantuan task, my Discord username is CaptainCaption. Send me a friend request and we can talk things over.

I'm flattered, but I think that the nature of how I do text substitution makes this game untranslatable.

This is a particularly extreme example, but the script has several dozen examples like this.

for day 1 yes, but for day 2 no (and it will remain no)
you can turn off sex scenes but this is a game about them (and how Zach has to trust another person to have it) and I think really good character moments happen in the middle of those scenes

I'm updating the public version. I've been sick for almost all of October (one, two, and three) but I should've done this when it became clear I wasn't going to get the update out this month.

Been sick for all of October with a bacterial infection that's come and gone. I'm on a second course of stronger antibiotic so we'll see if this one gets rid of it.

Sometimes the game fails to launch. Download the Ren'Py SDK and launch it through that, as that usually fixes the issue.

God, I wish I had a secretary

In all seriousness you might be bipolar. Please speak to a mental health professional for help because if you flip out this much from something this minor it likely interferes with your day-to-day life.

lmao, here's source code you idiot.

You have only been speaking to CaptainCaption, the person you are thinking of who almost single-handedly makes this visual novel. I like reading comments from my fans, but you acted like you were my friend because you knew of my life while I know nothing of you. Not only is that one-sided relationship the definition of a parasocial relationship, you threw a tantrum because I told you that your parasocial friendliness was making me uncomfortable. I am not beholden to being treated like that just because you said you liked my work and you cared, and if standing up for myself against that was all it took for you to go from a "fan" to someone telling me to go screw myself and saying I am using a neurodegenerative disease that I wouldn't wish on anyone as an excuse for laziness, you didn't actually care. Don't blame me for your own failings as a person.

This is getting rather parasocial and uncomfortable.

If I am doing another game after this, the idea for it is already laid out.

That's... not the type of health issue I have, but thank you

Adderall XR 20 mg, 6 mg/day estradiol, 50 mg bicalutamide, 50 mcg vitamin D3, lots of Aleve and Midol. The antidepressant varies, but currently 600 mg Wellbutrin, but 20 mg escitalopram is in the cards. The corticobasal syndrome medication has changed a lot, but it's currently 75 mg/day carbidopa levodopa and 0.5 mg benztropine (the HRT also counts as a CBS med due to a very odd interaction that's puzzled multiple doctors. Oh, lots of coffee too.

I think it's probably better to give credit to my mental issues than the medications, as I have severe OCD, pretty strong ADHD, OSSD Type 3 (somehow not related to the genderfluid stuff!) mild schizoaffective depressive type, varying depression, likely PTSD, and possibly BDP (borderline). With how much it has disrupted my life and distressed me, I think it's fair to toss my genderfluidity into this category of mental issues.

likely very early october. health has just been very bad recently

You can't exactly fabricate a gender out of thin air. All that'd happen is you figuring out more about yourself

https://www.renpy.org/doc/html/changelog.html#upgraded-libraries-and-platform-su...

https://www.renpy.org/doc/html/changelog.html#depreciations-and-removals

Unfortunately no longer supported by the engine. Ren'Py is very low-spec but its RAM requirements would likely make a slightly higher-spec game on it like re:Dreamer chug.

Ratatat - "Wildcat"

Yes, but it's on the lowest-priority list given much more demand for the other routes.

This is the update I am working on right now. You can see some sneak peeks in public Patreon posts.

Lie to him twice.

She's got a complicated family history. Play the Britney theater stuff with Awkwardness 5 to see why.

Student Transfer, Press-Switch, and Mice Tea, but the first two are almost exclusively body swap with sprawling content and the last is very furry. In regards to another really good gender bender game, Magical Camp is an easy recommendation (even if it's discontinued) but there's not really another VN like re:Dreamer.

Getting commissioned CGs takes a while and my life was chaos for the last year.

I am mad to this day I didn't call it Azur Plane

yeah, that happens a bit too much sadly

Fun fact: I've never played it.

It is still being developed, but my mental health has been wild recently.

You can read about what the update is and why the delay has been so long here.

There is an APK in the zip file you can extract with google files from the play store, but here's one from my dropbox https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/yiq025ugn6xra5admurrs/re.dreamer-release.apk?rlke...

Just tested it. It should work. https://discord.com/invite/vjEUvZU

Please do not openly postulate about the gender identity or sexual leanings of someone in these comments. The entire point of this visual novel is that gender and sexuality are complicated but something you have to respect as a basic right of a person.

It's an alternative history setting chief.

Take a look in the mirror and scroll up to see some posts from yourself doing exactly that!