The VN was just amazing, I binge read the entire thing because I couldn't stop thinking about it lol
I am a native Spanish speaker but I read the novel in English instead. It is somehow very awkward for me to play a video game in my own language so I always default to English. Language wise I felt that the game was pretty great. Yes, true, there were a couple of mistranslations and a few untranslated words here and there but it honestly did not feel that the text was translated. I could have sworn it was written directly in English, really.
The writing itself was brilliant - the characters, the ambience, the world building, the pining, the plot itself, the cliffhangers at the end of every chapter... there are many many parts of the story that were handled really well, you honestly did an amazing job. I even praised you aloud when I got to the warning before the ugly nightmare, it was very considerate of you.
I would like to share my opinion on two topics that I did not feel so good about: the pacing of the story in the third arc and the choices throughout the game.
At some points the third arc was moving too slowly. It is also partly on me because I binge read the entire thing, so fatigue was inevitable. I also get that the feeling was somewhat intentional, as that's how any important event that will take place in a very specific date feels. However instead of building on this anxiety that the characters themselves are feeling I felt that I was losing little by speeding up my reading to reach the finale sooner. Johnny's comic relief was a very welcome surprise and managed to keep my interest in the story until the climax. My recommendation to avoid this is to double down on the angst and try to achieve the same, wonderful results you got in the nightmare sequences.
Another thing that somewhat irked me was the irrelevance of some important choices. Yes, there are no choices in a traditional book, and it is perfectly fine to force the plot to go in the direction that you need - it is a valid tactic, and I got the feeling that you largely succeeded at it. I can give you 2 examples of where you used this resource masterfully: taking Donnald's money or the replies while being muffled at the mall.
Those irrelevant choices work perfectly, because they are related to actions outside the main character's control. Yes, you can refuse to take the money, but of course he will not be happy about it! And even if the choice was made relevant and the money stayed with Donnald, it still has no relevance whatsoever for the rest of the plot. Being given a choice that does not matter is okay when the result does not matter either, or when the circumstances escape our control anyway.
Conversely, I distinctly remember one event where I was not happy with the execution - whether to pick up or not Robert's call. This choice is purely made by Lucas, and it's one that majorly affects the plot. The issue is, no matter what you pick, the plot must move forward in a specific way for the story to work as planned. At least for me as a player, I would rather continue with the planned storyline (as it would happen in a traditional book) as opposed to being given an irrelevant choice. I can tell you that my exact feelings during that part were "yo, why do you even ask me then??".
In contrast, I want to draw attention to another prompt that happens at the end of the game - the relationship status between the siblings. Following the previous logic, I would expect my choice to not have any impact (since, well... it's their choice, not Lucas'), yet it does. Fair enough, don't get me wrong - it's near the end of the game and offers the player a way to shape the ending to their tastes, but that's precisely the point that bugged me as a player - it did not happen all game long, why is my choice now suddenly impactful?
I think my favourite part of the entire novel was just the characters and how they interact between themselves. Alice spits facts every time she appears, Gaby is just so relatable, Hamil and Johnny made the VN fun for me and Laura reminded me very strongly of my own older sister. I liked all the characters, which also includes the final boss.
You honestly did a great job of showing the human side of all the characters in the game (even the minor ones), clearly showcasing their strenghts and flaws, allowing them to redeem themselves somehow during the novel. Contrarily, the final boss has barely been given any positive traits aside from one, which I greatly valued - brilliant manipulation skills. It is not an easy task to convince an entire room of a lie, which was carefully planned from start to finish. It is even more scary when you realise that the only weak point in the entire scheme was the final boss' tendency to overspeak in the monologues.
Anecdotically, when the segments with the therapist and the criminal were presented, I tried to be crafty with my responses. I thought that she would be insulted at my insinuations that she's not being professional, but turns out that by trying to be sneaky and persuasive, I overdid it and reached the bad ending. It was a nice touch, and I appreciated it.
Regarding the relationship between Lucas and George, I want to comment a few things. I originally started reading the VN for the romance, but by the end I was not even that interested in it any more - other aspects of the game had caught my attention by then. The entire relationship was described with luxurious detail and good pacing - I enjoyed the pining quite a lot myself. That said, while the characters work well together in a relationship and Lucas is a good protagonist, even if he did not feel particularly relatable.
I am going to be honest and admit that I did not even listen to the songs. I am used to read while listening to my own music, so in VNs I always mute everything. For the art I am afraid I cannot give useful feedback either - I have never been too interested in the visual arts. Apologies for that.
Again, I really liked the story and the fact that it's openly shared, which are my two main driving forces for writing such a long review. I apologise if I have been blunt with my phrasing somewhere, as I can assure you that it was not intended.
If you have any other novels (visual or not) planned or in the works, be assured that I will read them once released.