we are so back
outRolled
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honestly, i know people who's only language is english and yet are quite... lacking, let's say. for a non-native speaker and a game in development, the writing is holding up just fine.
anyways, i got through runan (my beloved) and have compiled my findings in a google doc, which you can get to here. if you have trouble navigating the document, let me know! i'll update it whenever i get to the other (ridge is up next!) routes as well as backtrack to days 1-6. as a key thing, a lot of my comments are very nitpicky -- if a change doesn't make sense or does not fit the story, ignore it! i won't be hurt :)
again, i love the story and art in this game. perhaps i should get into monster hunter, but that's another time. you've got something awesome here and i'm excited for what you have cooking!
yo! hope ya'll are doin' well! i ran through most of runan's route (runan my beloved) and found a good chunk of dialogue errors. most of them aren't bad -- in fact, a lot of them were more suggestions than actual mistakes. i've listed those mistakes below, but i didn't want to flood the devlogs with them. but i can send em' in reply here if you'd like them!
formatting:
* Day # -- "LINE IN QUESTION" // CHANGE NEEDED (+ extra commentary)
*** note: MC = main character
* Day 8 (all?) -- "When you decided" // decided --> decide (stay in the present, never dwell on the past!)
* Day 8 -- "He needs pick them up soon because..." // needs --> needs to
* Day 8, (all?) -- "Why did you chose me to be the first?" // chose --> choose
* Day 8, (all?) -- "I shook my awake trying to ground myself back to the present." // my --> myself (i now have a pet "awake!" he's a cute lil' guy, but very sleepy!)
* Day 8 -- "Runan was already there waiting for me there too" // cut the ending "there too" (runan's so patient he can double wait!)
* Day 8 -- "Then I didn't made you wait!" // made --> make
* Day 8 -- "I said, Are you single?!" // Are --> are (capitalization error)
* Day 8 (all?) -- "I didn't ate lunch at all so I was extremely hungry." // ate --> eat
* Day 9 -- "You looked too focus so I didn't want to be rude." // focus --> focused
* Day 9, -- "... as the knife just slides accorss the fish," // accorss --> across (accorss sounds like a shitty business name)
* Day 9 -- "Runan grabbed the towel and wiped the towel clean again."// assuming second "towel" should be "knife" (maybe runan owns a self-cleaning towel! that would be cool)
* Day 9 -- "He looks like is looking for something underneath." // like is --> like he is
* Day 9 -- "Now you're just feeding him fish when you barely even eat yourself!" // you barely even eat --> you barely have eaten (runan so hungry he's eating himself -- and not the kinky way...)
* Day 9 -- "MC, You should go." // You --> you (capitalization error)
* Day 10 -- "As you have already know, we are not able..." // cut "have"
* Day 11 -- "I know we are a bit struggling because of the trading issues," // a bit struggling --> struggling a bit (the verb "struggling" precedes the modifying "a bit")
* Day 11 -- "... but did you know the wish Jam was actually his idea?" // wish Jam --> Wish Jam (capitalization error)
* Day 11 -- "I specifically avoided that topic because I want to focus on something else" // want --> wanted (runan is remembering something he did, so this should be past tense. btw, i like how the music fades here, matching runan's thought process of the MC's manipulation)
* Day 11 -- "Just! leave!" // leave --> Leave (capitalization. btw this is a power line, i can feel the MC's anger towards nasher here)
this is where i ended off. one final thing, i was curious if the game's music is available somewhere? that's all! thanks for making this game. the effort shows in its writing, art, and attention to detail, and i can't wait to explore the other routes!