itch.io

I left my feedback prior to this, yet, I was asked to leave you this feedback: "You are breathing blood, stay true to your path."
I have no idea what they even mean, but eh, that's how things are at the moment.
Good Luck out there!

That's what I love about your updates the most - you actually address all of the criticism & critique in our mind :D 

As I said then: The "Explore Calibre" won't affect me (as a veteran player) any bit, but may just do wonders for new players. Good call on your end! That being said, and I know you have it on your mind - make sure that, for example, meeting Autumn early has the appropriate effect!

Again, that's coming from someone who ignored all of the "Religion BS" in your story, including that "weaving the staff of making water move a certain way" kind of rubbish, because to me, the Church of Gaius is just one enemy to slay. 

Then again, I may expect from the story what noone should realistically expect... 

Thanks for supporting Runey with the always repeating, same questions, mate :D 

Hey Runey, hate to chime in on another person's post... BUT! While I understand your reluctance to give literally every minor char their own story ( I get it that it could get VERY overwhelming), you should DEFINITLY consider having them show up in some MINOR scenes ALONGSIDE major chars. Or just "special scenes" that a player only gets when&if they unlock all of the side chars. 
Remember that "What breast size is better?" "secret scene" between Ashley and Kali? I don't think this would require THAT much work, maybe 1 or 2 renders and the text for those pics. 
Additionally, while I see the WORK you'd have to do for those girls... I'd also invite you to flip the coin & see the POTENTIAL. Then again, that's exclusively YOUR call. 
(Though, considering how you've "built up" Dark Elven heritage with Ann, that extremist society in their former ruins AND Maria's Dark Elven heritage, there should be some conclusion to that. In my humble opinion, anyway.)

Hey Runey!
Don't know if you remember the conversation we had a while back about your "direction" for the game... I wouldn't, if I were you & being overwhelmed with the feedback you got so far. 
That being said; I LOVE this update.
SPOILER FOR EVERYONE WHO HASN'T PLAYED THROUGH THIS GAME FULLY, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!
The rework to Android's story make it far, FAR more believable, also, the Player Char actually gets to intervene with the loud voice I'd imagine he'd have - on certain topics, at least. Him "putting Ashley in her place" when it comes to Android's breast size, reminding her "how it feels like to be the new girl", is nothing short of excellent. 
Same goes to Kali's updates.
As far as the new content goes - every single bit an piece falls into place, and while I am dying to figure out what Felicity & Emma's father is up to... and where he stands... you are doing simply everything right to push the storyline where it's meant to be pushed. 
Only bit of criticism I have is that exploring Calibre feels sorte meaningless, like a waste of time - that being said, that's coming from someone who never had that option previously. I didn't NEED any of that, is what I am going to say - but again, people that may be playing this game completely from scratch a few years down the line will definitely feel different about it, so my opinion is basically worthless in this regard.
Only thing I would say - and I have a feeling that's on your To-Do anyway - is that I would love for Autumn to acknowledge meeting the PC before, if he did, when she joins the Hotel. 
Nothing more to add. Keep it up, mate! You've literally addressed all of my concerns and are far exceeding expectations. Congratulations on creating a game where the NSFW stuff is not actually vital to the game's success! :) 


(Okay, last bit of tiny grief... I enjoyed Kali's previous Sleep With scene more, when she looked the PC in the eye after waking up, because that felt like a proper "lovely moment" :) If you find the time, please try to create 1-2 scenes during Event 15 (?) where the PC and Kali ACTUALLY share a bed for the first time. Thanks!)

Fair. You've made your points in response to mine, and I respect your reasoning. YOUR game, YOUR story, YOUR calls to make. 

Last set of replies, won't bother you any further. 

As long as the slave route doesn't inherently break the story, no argument from my side. But you seem very much aware of that, so, I don't need to worry. 

That's excellent news, because I thought we were beyond 75%, frankly. But yeah, with some reworks to earlier scenes (and I know the pain of having to rewrite supar early chapters, trust me...) and knowing that there ARE more twists and turns to come as I expected, then I think you got this. 

One last warning, if I may: Keep in mind that the Syl'vanar you created is noted as THE singular most powerful nation in your world. And as the prior uprisings and their consequences (like chipping the elves) have shown - it MUST be resilient to change, even if only from institutional inertia and the simple MASS of forces at its disposal, political, military, judical, religion etc. etc. 
You'll only break such a regime with either a singular, but devastating blow, or by slowly chipping away at its fundamentals. And the system WANTS to keep it together, so reprisals are to be expected, no matter how fragile the system is. For an extreme example: 3rd Reich, or even the Soviet Union (the final throes of which we are experiencing right now with the War against Ukraine). 

(Speaking, for example, about the paint attacks - change to another way of detection, and the attacks are nullified. Just so far, noone bothered. Just as far as the mercenaries attacking Night Owl Clan haven't tried overwhelming force, or at all, since the 3 (!) old model mechs arrived.)

That being said, your talks about the fragility of a nation in fear are entirely correct. Take the entirety of the former Eastern Bloc as an example. So, I rest easy knowing you know what you're doing. 

And as far as your comments about the manager are concerned... You are also entirely correct, and I am/was probably overthinking it.
That being said, I'll respectfully disagree regardless - if the main choices are linear, which they are, flavour can only do so much to make HIM the player avatar.
So I will stick to it - in that case, having an established persona to assume right from the get-go would be my preferred choice, so that the player always knows what to expect.  
But as I said, the "char" of the Manager is starting to become somewhat established later on, without the need to make him a "real" char at all.
And if that's the case, I won't be able to immerse myself in him - but that hasn't stopped me before from playing this game, and judging by all the other comments, nobody else cares much either. So, to be blunt about it, if you're reworking some of the earlier parts later anyway, with just a bit more polish this'll work just nicely. :D 

Thank you for taking your time to read & reply to what I had to say, and I hope that, regardless, it was somewhat useful for yourself as well. 
Once again, thank you a lot for creating this game. I'll look forward to further releases. 

Fair, I'll try my best to clarify. Wall of text, coming up. Pardon in advance if things a worded a bit "roughly" - I am actively trying to sell to you that I am not insane. 

BREAK

If you can "sell" both routes as viable options - again, I have trouble believing Nias 'slave route' as much as her 'love route' - then more power to you, and I won't say anything further. After all, there is a reason as to why you present both options. 

BREAK

Perhaps my problem with Cornwall is simply that in the early game, yes, he shows certain signs, and Trenero's half-elf wife is another indication... but unless I am mistaken, ever since, the only role he's had is to further a reputation as ruthless politician who seeks election to a higher post beyond anything. With no sign otherwise. Which is irritating given how relatively "open" he was during that "slave training contest" - unless that's on your list of scenes to be reworked/rewritten, too. 

A similar thing goes on with Trereno. I am not trusting you in any way-shape-or-form, that those "elf bots" are any good :P It's a bad triangle of Religion, Politics, Business in that world... Religion keeps the people stupid, Politics make sure to eliminate everything diverging from what it should be (removing people's right to vote), and business makes sure to profit from it, while feeding the other two. And with no sizeable public or other support to back up change (Vanessa says, while meeting Nia, that the pro-slavery-faction in Syl'vanar has dropped by, what, 8% - OVER 30 YEARS?)...

If I look at Lins story arch seperately, without connecting too much to the others, then I see some vague glimmers, too. 
But if I look at the whole picture...
Hope can only arise if there is a hint of weakness in the system. If you hope beyond hope, you're not hopeful, you're desperate. 
To use Star Wars as a comparison, an unshielded venting duct that you can only see if you have the blueprints of the Death Star. You, the author, do have those blueprints. And you can say with confidence that you can make it work. 
I, as a player, cannot see any sizeable holes in what looks like the completey bulletproof system of Syl'vanar. You're giving far too many hints as to how effed Syl'vanar is, as a country and especially the human portion of said society. 
I see few-to-none promising points at which the Manager or his ""crew"" (take that term with more than a grain of salt) could actually use to better their situation - or how they would have any hope aside from something desperate. And as it stands at the moment, they've got their backs against the wall. Not much to inspire hope. Only a desperate struggle & gambit. 

Then again, perhaps it's my cynisism that I don't see what's obvious? I'll trust your judgement, you hold and know all the cards, after all.  If you can prove me wrong - likely: WHEN - I'll tip my hat.  Perhaps we are not as far advanced into the storyline as I thought, and you have a few more tricks still up your sleeve. That's not me trying to belittle you, that's me being genuinely curious, and I am looking forward to what is to come. And what you've said about your plans with Cornwall does put my mind at ease. 

BREAK

The disconnect comes from me feeling as if I do not understand why the Manager is doing some of the things he does, whilst others make perfect sense. His behaviour is inconsistent to me, to the point that I do not feel as if I have much control over what is happening, at least during certain stages.  

Have you ever played a Bioware RPG? I am a huge fan of Mass Effect, where you can really shape your Commander Shepard by the choices you make. I am not insane enough to hold you to the same standards as a full AAA studio; but it feels as if I am jumping from one end of the spectrum of behaviour to the next (Renegade/Paragon). 

To give you an example, again using Ashley: 

During the latter stages of Ashley's story arch, the Manager shows that he can indeed lead. He is making the suggestions he's bringing forth the clever ideas, depending on how you chose you seem to actually have an influence over what happens. Especially during the trip to the slums.  I felt connected to what happened - even if that connection was to "HIM", not "MYSELF". 

Contrary to that, when Ashley pulls her knife on Maria - no reaction? No: "Why did you just do that?" Not even an internal monologue about what happens, shock or curiosity? When Ashley drugs you - why can't you show anger? If someone tried to force a pill on me, I'd be PISSED, no matter who that was. 

The difference, I think, is down to the fact that in these earlier scenes, the Hotel Manager has not many thoughts himself - while towards the latter stages, he develops a life of his own.
I do not have only an elder sister, I certainly wasn't always helping around house to be able to fix the broken shower Autumn was in. 

And at the same time, if Autumn had acted out of char, and you can see what's happening - there should be, in my mind at least, some sort of an internal reflection. If you intend on having a "little revenge" on Autumn due to her disrespect of the other girls (especially Android), it should be reflected somewhere. 

And on the OTHER hand, it was THE MANAGERS, not MY, initiative that helped Lin back up on her feet after she crashed the car - and everything else. 

That might sound cynic or strange - but you may actually have become a victim of your own success, in that the story parts are very interlinked with each other, so as the player, you CANNOT chose freely enough for it to be a full self insert.  And at the same time, your chars are so wonderfully complex, that in order for the Manager to properly interact with each, he can't be a bland mirror anymore, so he either has to become a CHAR we play, or you would have to build in so many intervowen and complex answer options that would also have to be recalled later in the game so that the Manager can STAY bland and act as the player's mirror. So he's both leading and very much NOT leading, being simply dragged along by what is happening, being both "powerful" and "powerless". 

Just my 50 cents in that regard... Because, while yes, the Manager is literally a sidekick in some occasions, he's also the reason the whole show is running at all. Which, I feel, is a bit ... not forgotten, but underappreciated. 

One of the girls visiting HIM while Maria's gone, to offer (emotional or other) support, for example, would've gone a long way to show that both sides of the coin are connected. 

BREAK

It's possible that that bug came from upgrading an earlier version, as you say. I'll check if I can find anything and will let you know if something pops up. 

BREAK

So, there's that. Pardon me, again, if it sounds like I am trying to convince you to do things "my way" - I'm just trying to make my points clear, maybe to the point of overcooking them, so they are workable for you. My brain tends to wander, and perhaps I am overthinking certain things. 

That being said, don't let this distract you from the fact that you've created something for me to actually CARE about. And that is simply excellent work. 

Greetings Runey! 

Thank you for creating one of the most memorable story games I've played in a while. I hope you earn yourself an at least OK living with it, you'd deserve it. This really isn't "just another H game" - you're putting thought into it, and it shows. Kudos!

Despite enjoying this game for quite some time, I cannot make any contributions in terms of money... but I hope I can at the very least give you some feedback that you can work with.
As I am a fanfiction author, I know that sometimes, good criticism & feedback can be quite valuable as well. And maybe, you'll find another writer's perspective helpful, too. 

Now, this will be a bit of a wild mix between praise, criticism and general comments, so please excuse my scattered brain. Anyone else: HEAVY SPOILER WARNING.  

• I think your storytelling is quite good, and I can see that all of the plots and subplots of each char are making sense for that individual char. 
• I want to especially praise you for moving Ashley away from the "yandere" role, which I just don't think would've worked out, and her new direction suits her much, much better. Generally, compared to a few updates ago & with your reworks, the chars seem to be a bit more 3D. 
• I am however a bit worried about the "slave" routes, especially for Nia. I wonder how you're gonna bring them back on track, especially since the last scene that you released for her seems a bit... "abrupt", given that it's the same one as on the "love" route. 
• I am not sold on the "flip" you've put on Cornwall, now Minister Cornwall. I personally would've preferred or gone with what was your original intent - a slaver, a powerful figure, who is on the edge however. 
  • That being said, I have my suspicions about where you're heading with the "somewhat sudden" rise in prominence you're giving the Mafia, so I think you got that one figured out. 
• You're walking a fine line on making the world and the country seem both hopeless and spraying in glitters of hope - but given all the restrictions and everything you're putting into place, even with the latest Event for Lin, I am worrying that you're manouvering yourxself into a corner where any sudden change towards a "brighter world" seems... forced, not plausible, breaking immersion. Which would be a shame. 
  • A society has an inherent resistance to change. Just look at how long it took the USA to get where they are now with racial injustice - and keep in mind that even now it still isn't completely fair. 
• The personality of the Manager puzzles me. He both feels like the players avatar - and decidedly not. It is a bit of a vague feel... but for the first one, you'd have to grant him more freedom, as most of his choices are rather linear. I don't think that's practical. 
  • Example: During the Expedition to the High Elves' island, if Lin's obedience (and I hate that that's the word for her affection even later on, same with Android) is too low, something (even more) critical should go wrong, or that scene where you whisper her words of encouragement should fail.
• Alternatively, you should make it clear that HE is his own person, and we players get to control a limited amount of dialogue and choices. In my opinion, this is where you're heading anyway (given how a lot of the Events and all of the stories depend on each other). Given how disconnnected at least I am often feeling from the choices HE makes over which I have no influence (e.g. the dinner with Kate - I would've never brought flowers)
  • There are a few ways you can do this. One option would be, for example, to add an option where the Manager can sit down in his room and "think" about the different chars, so that both HE and I are on the same page as to what he's planning. 
    • Thinking about it, that wouldn't be too different from the "dates" you recently brought into the game. Which is a feature I LOVE, by the way. Thank you!
  • Also, he can be a bit more proactive with things like, for example, Ashleys Birthday party. I hate how passive HE is there. Also, the amount of less-than-energetic "sure" replies sometimes...
  • Too often it still feelss like the Manager gets just "dragged along". He often, especially in the earlier stages, lakes the 'drive' and the ability 'to lead'. If I were his sidekick - I'd honestly lack confidence. And isn't this one of the selling points of the Manager to the girls, that he helps them in their difficult life choices? More internal monologue please, if thats the way you wanna go. Especially when he 'tricks' Autumn and may, actually, genuinely feels guilty for it after he realizes what's going on (after all, the main instigators are Ellen and Android). Or, even more so, when 'breaking & remolding' Emma and Felicity. 
  • I think you may be thinking in a similar vein, though. After all, HE apparently gained about 100 IQ in the last of Ashley's Events and the hunt for Ms. Ren. That makes sense, I follow his line of thought - and it's clearly HIM thinking. I like that a lot. 
• There are a few minor bugs & errors in the way the scenes are played, so please do be careful about that. You ARE bringing patches to fix them, but one potentially nasty one I encountered when re-playing is that, even before the blood test, Maria is already depressed about her... "condition". I knew what was coming, a new player might've been seriously put out. 

Phew, that was a lot of text. Sorry about that. But I do hope that my thoughts & ideas are at least somewhat helpful for you! You have and still are creating something excellent here, so don't let me spoil it for you. 
Thank you a lot for the time and effort you've put into this. It's been excellent and, not joking, one of my favourite games.