itch.io

Hello, im sorry, i got very busy latelly and could not write e proper review for your history. Thank you for taking your time to write me a review. (I will be honest and fair, I dont feel very well judging other people hard work, but when i do, i go with honesty).

Enjoyment (4-5): the history is cool, the setting is nice, i found myself a bit confused when the main character left his box, but could catch up with the action later (and a second read solved the issue). The final scene was well written, and I could feel the agony of the target. It is not a full round 5 due to the confusion around the action, but it is at least a 4,7+.

Originality (3-4): i did not found the story to be that original. The "sacrificial lamb" ship, the super special agent, wich will not fail when everyone else have failed, the endless dream. All cool ideias that you tied together very well, but none of them "surprising".

Adherence to the Theme (3): the "endless loop" appears only at the final scene, and even when it appears it is not really endless. The target just experience what seens to be an endless loop for some time, enough to disable him and let the agent finish the job... I felt the agony of the target entering the endless loop, just to realize he would be relieved from that fate a minute later...

Thank you for writting it, was fun to read, and would have been translated very well into a more visual media (like comics or short movie). Congratulations :)

Thank you, i made the effort to keep the first battle "setting agnostic", it could be a fantasy or a GF fight, too... 

Thanks for this reply. 

I'm my view: she is not only a demon of war, she is partly THE god of war, which is more like a concept (as war is a part of nature, born from struggle and fighting). Others demons are just like her: parts of a greater thing, which in the end is the concept of it.

The final part is exactly a reference to MMOs, and essentially give a explanation to "why demons of war keep battling". They are in in sort of "farming cycle", constantly respawning in this universe wide battlefield...

She do it to earn acheviments, and unlock new cosmetics (hence the name of the tale). The final of the tale is she going back to the "farming" cycle, she just got a new cosmetic, and gona try it...

I see the problem: to much implicit concepts tangled together: if you have to explain stuff outside your story, then it is not well written.

Thanks for taking the time to criticize.

Thank you

Thank you, that make a lot sense (and i learned a new word).

Violence and hatred generates more violence and hatred. Some hours later the butcher will be raiding an Aleph hideout, another "poor" soul will be snatched, and the cycle will continue...

Thank you, but in dont understood... You mean "urgency"

Your story is brilliant. I tried to do something similar in my tale, but failed and changed the theme. You, nailed it perfectly. I almost could hear Fallout narrator saing "violence, it never changes" in the back...