< Backstory >
December of 2021. That’s when it all began.
Winter VN Jam had just started, and I had managed to secure a small but very talented group of individuals to help me realise a world I had begun weaving fragments of in my head.
Things were going smoothly at first, excitement was stirring and motivation was aplenty. This was my first time undertaking such a large project, however, and I had vastly underestimated the time and energy writing a story requires (It was also during this time that I let go of any grudges I held towards Patrick Rothfuss). After discussing it with the team, we decided to extend beyond the jam and release the novel properly (I.e: Not as a jam submission).
So, I kept writing past the deadline of the jam and into the end of January 2022. But there was a slight problem.
I knew how the story would begin, and how it would end - but I had no idea what should occur in between. Feeling a little lost, and more than a little tired of writing, I put the project on hiatus with the blessing of the team.
And life continued. I could not, however, shake a feeling of guilt which settled in during those quiet, empty moments of time during day-to-day life.
I had gathered a team and promised them a game to put all their magnificent work on display. And yet, here were those magnificent works simply wasting away on my hard drive.
Motivation was still essentially non-existent, and I honestly had no idea what I was doing, but I managed to get myself to start working on a tiny Epilogue following one of the side characters from the main story, ‘The Lady of the Night’.
So . . . Was it any good?
Nope. It probably won’t even make sense to anyone besides myself (even assuming they read the entirety of the original novel as well as the optional memory fragments).
But that wasn’t really the point of the Epilogue - it was to spark some of the motivation which had forsaken me for so long. And in that regard, writing the Epilogue did serve it’s purpose. Briefly.
During a rare burst of inspiration, I jotted down some ideas I thought would work well and started tinkering once more with the script. Excited with the possibilities, I went back to the team with all the assets that I needed.
This was during mid-2022, however, and most of the team had moved on to different projects. I didn’t have the funds to hire the team back, so I decided to make do with what I had (Which was quiet generous. If I had the means to pay them back for what they had created, I most certainly would.)
Even so, most worryingly was the fact that our BG artist had left with nothing for me to work with besides a few sketches.
So as I began cutting scope and writing in earnest once more, I was also on a desperate look-out for a BG artist who could step in.
This was when things began going side-ways.
The motivation I had mustered was fleeting, and I was once more trodding on whilst fueled by nothing but a strong sense of guilt. This was no longer about weaving together a mysterious world which piqued my interest, but about getting something - anything - out there as soon as possible.
I wrote things simply because it’d fill in the empty gaps, rather than because they served some purpose. Half-hearted attempts to win the readers attention, whilst also unsure if I wanted their attention. A strange dichotomy.
Although the character artist never explicitly said so, I fully believe that it is due to the dark turn which my writing took that they felt the need to leave the project (Thankfully, they allowed me to use what artwork they had created up until then).
Knowing that you had managed to create something which another had found interesting, only to then ruin their expectations is a terrible feeling. (Honestly, I would be ashamed to present this novel to someone who knows me personally.)
Nevertheless, I trudged on. And the novel reached it’s conclusion sometime in early December of 2022.
I made an attempt at beta testing/reading, but much like almost everything else related to this project, it was half-hearted. I just wanted some validation that I hadn’t spent so much time and mental energy on a heap of trash.
Although feedback was mostly positive, it was a very small sample, and I wasn’t entirely convinced. Some concerns were raised, and I made some more half-hearted attempts at patching them up. At this point, I was just done with this project. I wanted it to finish as soon as possible.
I had also found a new BG artist at this point, but they stopped responding after finishing a few of the backgrounds. So I decided to step in myself and just get it done.
I had previously made the framework of the novel in Godot, during the original jam, and I now spent some time making it more robust before importing and translating the script into a semi-pseudo scripting language I created for parsing events related to the script (Things such as playing music, playing a visual effect, showing backgrounds, etc . . .).
This was mostly monotonous work, but did take a few weeks to test properly.
But then . . . That was it. It was finally done.
I couldn’t possibly mess it up even further now. Right?
< Release >
The novel released. So . . . What happened?
Although I had done extensive testing in-engine, I didn’t actually test the exported version of the game.
I published the game right before going to bed that night, thinking that it’s finally over. Only to wake up to discord pings from online friends telling me that my game is broken.
They were really dumb things too, mostly due to me rushing through the entire process.
For example, the first version caused the player to start a new game close to the end of the novel (Because I had been testing that section and had forgotten to reset the starting position of the novel).
Then, after I fixed that, I accidentally uploaded the mac version twice over (Instead of a single windows and mac upload).
Such misfortunes continued to plague the entirety of the launch week, and beyond.
For reference, the novel currently has 80 downloads in total. 60 of those were in the first week, 40 of which were probably broken.
That’s 50% of the life-time downloads.
Well, there goes all the downloads the novel would ever get
< How can you do better? >
Hopefully, reading through my failures has inspired you to do better. Here are some points which I dearly hope you keep in mind whilst developing your game/novel/whatever-it-is-which-is-close-to-your-heart:
1. Gather experience
When it comes to large projects, it is critical that you are able to accurately gauge your skills and abilities, so you can scope and plan the length of your project accordingly.
If you can get your project done in time, you’re far less likely to suffer a severe case of ‘lacking motivation’, and you’ll be far more likely to produce something which you’ll be happy with and proud of. This leads to the next point.
2. Maintain your motivation/passion
Whether it is writing a letter to your future self, or drawing a painting of your project, do something to capture that initial spark of passion.
This way, whenever you begin to despair throughout your journey, you can look back on your original reasoning for embarking on your journey.
Perhaps you’ll decide that it simply isn’t worth it anymore. There is nothing wrong with that! If you fail to release your project, but save yourself from weeks/months/years of despair and self-doubt - then it is definitely worth it.
However, make sure that you leave your project with something to show for it (Knowledge!). Even if it is something as simple as knowing what you can or cannot achieve in 24 hours.
Now that you’ve learned something from this project, you can work on something new during the time you would have wasted in despair - utilising the knowledge which you have newly gained. Fail if you must. But fail efficiently.
3. Work on something else
Perhaps you really just need to work on something else for a little while. Don’t drive yourself to exhaustion! You’re more likely to create something you’ll later regret if you do.
Take a break to work on something smaller/simpler, or even just to focus on life. Even if you have other people worry about, just keep in mind:
A delayed game is eventually good, but a rushed game is forever bad.
Rushing through the process won’t help your or your teammates in the long run.
Take a break, and come back with a fresh perspective. Perhaps you’ll fall in love with your project once more. Or perhaps you’ll decide that it simply won’t work.
4. TEST. TEST. TEST!
Test in-engine. Test the exported files. Download and test the game once you’ve uploaded it.
75% of my downloads were from launch week so please make sure you have a strong launch!
This could be the most important part of the marketing process so put everything you have into getting it right.
It can make or break the success of your project.
5. Enjoy what you create
At the end of the day, you should be able to lean back and say to yourself: “Yeah. I’m happy I made this.”
So check in periodically to ensure you’ve not lost your initial goal/drive and are pleased with what you’re making.
If you don’t enjoy what you’re doing, perhaps it’s time to look at your current situation critically and decide if you really do want to continue down the path you’re on.
The weaker man isn’t he who amends, but he who continues blindly and without question.
< Conclusion >
So I messed up. And I’m sorry to anyone I might have disappointed. But I’ve been dwelling on the past for the past few months since the Reverie of the Lost released, and it’s gotten me nowhere.
Then perhaps it’s about time I let go, accept my failures, and do better. Hopefully I’ve now learned what’s necessary to do exactly that.
I nod, letting the weight of our task settle in. This will be the first of many such forays.
“Good luck.”