Oooh that was such informative feedback; I really, really appreciate it!
Giving the readers more space for the emotion to sink in towards the end, is an idea borne of sensitivity - I do agree, it's a little too abrupt and overwhelming. And yes, playing with metaphors is powerful because it can bring in just the right level of ambiguity to connect deeply with people. Alas, I went for a simpler route because it's not so easy to pull off for me - but I can definitely try in the future!
And you know what? I was actually planning to make the controls fully-keyboard; I just ended up rushing things towards the end; and it was just easier to execute it with the nature of mouse interactions; but it's a very valid point - will make it even more immersive! Or wait, I can just make it fully-mouse!
And I wanted to do a voice-over too...I was thinking of recording and converting my voice - but since AI was strictly discouraged, I just left it. And I just did not know who to approach for a little-boy voice! But mumbling is an interesting idea!
And I appreciate your attention to the games you have played too - you have a lot of sincere and constructive things to say!