I love the writing in this game- it hits hard exactly when it needs to and the comedic parts really make for a good contrast with the later half of the visual novel. The art is also super pretty. The only suggestion I'd make is to maybe improve the music or use copyright-free tracks (I think a lot of people use DOVA-SYNDROME?) instead. It's a good attempt, but I think it lacks some structure. Here's some fanart I made (I can also send the PSD if you want it for any reason).
Anyway, good luck on whatever you work on next!
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I literally just had someone complain in my comments that they got a false copyright strike or something for a song that is completely free, with the title included in the intro of the game because it wasn't in the video's description. (also lovely art holy shit sometimes I feel like I can draw and then I get humbled so hard)