The concept of this story is phenomenal for a short, quick VN. I find it kind of funny that it came to you in a dream, sometimes eureka moments come to you in the strangest places!
However, as for execution, my biggest gripe with this story is a total lack of narration. There's not a single line where someone isn't talking, and I think this hurts the story as it tries to go for the more emotional beats. A moment to just simmer down and bask in the tragedy of a situation, or really analyze what's going on in this video store, could've seriously helped elevate the tone and mood of the writing. A lot of moments where it's just exposition feels rather awkward, since it's just our MC going on a long winded rant out loud, and I think it could have benefitted from these moments being thought rather than spoken.
It's a very cute story despite this flaw, and I'm again impressed you could do it in such a short amount of time. Congrats! ♡