I don't feel it needs to be stated at this point that the game is plagued with several issues in pretty much all sectors. The story is structurally messy too, it sets up very little in the first half so the "twist" feels like it comes out of left field. (Even though, I appreciate it, finally something exciting happens!).
In terms of prose, I felt like the bar scene was pretty poorly written: there are a lot of repetitions and meandering before we get anywhere. I must say though, the writing bounces back somewhat starting from the sex scene onward.
What is there is salvageable, but unfortunately it was way too far from being ready for publication.