This is a really great start!
Things that I thought were really cool:
- I love a good mystery and this game succeeded in getting me really interested in where exactly this one is going.
- The opening scene especially does a great job of setting the atmosphere, and the girls' behavior was also uncomfortable/creepy in a way I think worked. Got kind of a Death Game/Knock Knock vibe from them.
- Art is solid and animation, both in scenes as well as animated dialogue sprites, is a level of effort you don't see in most furry VNs. Kudos.
- I love the little fade-ins for instructional text. It's a minor thing but it adds a feeling of "production value" to the game.
Things that I thought could be cooler:
- Actual choices for the protagonist. I know this is just a demo so maybe more is planned, but I personally find it a bit frustrating to play as a dumb protagonist. Obvious trap felt very obvious here and it was a bit annoying to have to watch the protag just go along with it. If that's not going to be optional maybe you can do more in the intro to set up that the protag is prone to impulsiveness or is bored enough with his job to take dumb risks that way his decisions are more in character?
- Use of the protagonist's name. We can set our own name for the protag, but I don't think that's ever actually used since the Renpy character name is still just "You". It would be an easy fix to change this to the character's name.
- Text colors for characters. It's pretty common to see characters in Renpy VNs get unique colors for their nametags, and I think this is helpful shorthand for differentiating between actors in dialogue.
- There's an audio issue where the music that plays during the sex scene doesn't appear to be affected by volume controls other than "mute all". I'm not sure if this somehow got assigned to "voice" instead of "music" or "effects" since that preference doesn't appear to be present.
- The "You" character tag disappears from several lines during the sex scene. Not a huge deal, wasn't hard to figure out what they were supposed to be, but consistency is good.
- A bit nitpicky, but some of the dialogue felt a bit awkwardly delivered, like it was roughly translated. Again, nothing where I couldn't figure out where you were going with it but there were a few "nobody talks like that" moments.
- Interesting that the description says this is the "first half" of the game. The demo wasn't very long, and there's certainly nothing wrong with quick, manageable projects, but it did feel like the mystery that was set up might take more than an hour or two to unravel and resolve. Kind of more of a neutral point I guess.
Overall, this was very fun and I'm really interested in seeing where this goes!