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Thanks for the detailed response! Definitely understand that this is just the demo and will withhold further comments on plot/character stuff until the full release. Like I said above, totally support manageably sized productions (they tend to work better than overly ambitious ones that die 10% into development) so looking forward to seeing how that plot unravels.

Regarding dialogue, like I said it's a bit nitpicky, so feel free to take this all with a grain of salt since it's a tougher one to adjust as well. I think "too wordy" might be more of what I was getting at than "too cheesy" though. There are some lines where I think you're maybe trying to put a bit too much into one sentence. 

Example 1: 

"We were coming back from a weekend party at the Vinnie Bar that's like at the other side of town but we frequent that place quite a lot."

could be revised to:

"We were coming home from a party at Vinnie's Bar. It's on the other side of town, but we go there all the time."

Example 2:

"May be one shouldn't be stupid enough to think that chasing some badger across the road in a dead night to take photos of it is ever a good idea."

could be revised to:

"Maybe he shouldn't have been stupid enough to chase that badger across the road in the middle of the night."

+/- 

"Those photos couldn't have been that important." (Depending on if the photos are relevant to the plot). 

Breaking those sentences up and removing an extraneous word or two makes the lines flow a bit more naturally and less rushed. Really not a huge deal, just something I noticed.